He Said/She Said: Dormcest

By Noa

[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

For many students, college, like Las Vegas, is the land of indulgence. From the all-you-can-eat buffets in the cafeteria to the endless kegs at house parties, if you want something, you got it. Here. Now. Until you burst (or barf).

And that goes for hooking up, too. Never again in our lives will we be in a place brimming with single and ready to mingle people, oftentimes fueled by keg beer and cheap vodka. If you wanna get some, you don’t need to go far. In fact, if you’re lucky, you don’t even need to leave your dorm/apartment building/street.

Yes, I’m talking about dormcest (or whatever you call it when you hook up with your next door neighbor).

It seems like the perfect idea: no long walks for booty, no long walks of shame after booty, it’s not some random, and he or she has probably already seen you lookin’ a hot mess in the morning, so you don’t have to worry about that whole morning hair thing.

But let’s get one thing straight here: it is NOT A GOOD IDEA.

Mind you, I’ve never done it (something about watching a guy walk to the bathroom with a Playboy in his hand sorta kills the sex appeal), but I’ve watched as 6 of my 7 housemates have…with 5 of the 8 guys next door. Yes, math majors, that means that some people were doubling up. And yes, it made things as uncomfortable as you can imagine.

Now, I get the appeal of it all, but what I don’t get is why you have to sh*t where you sleep when there are so many other places to sh*t on campus. OK, so that’s not the best analogy, but you get what I’m saying. If you stop and think about it for a split second (which I’m sure most people – especially guys – don’t do), you’ll realize just how wrong this is.

Why cause potential (or inevitable) drama when where are so many other Mr. Flinstones out there who are able and so very willing to make your bed rock, drama-free? I mean, what if he/she is terrible and you have to face him/her every time you step out of your room? What if you want to go for round two, but the kid down the hall has already moved on to the girl in 4H…and you can hear it as you stumble home? What if, by some college miracle, you two end up dating….and then end up breaking up?

One of the most wonderful things about a hookup is the ability to wham, bam, thank you maam. You know – do it, have your fun, and then wash your hands (and lady parts) of the whole thing. It’s not so easy to do the no-strings-attached thing when that string is yanking on you every time you step foot outside your door.

Look, I get it. I hate the Walk of Shame just as much as the next girl, but really, I’d much rather have to squeeze my blistered feet into a pair of shoes and run home before anyone wakes up and points at me than deal with the repercussions of the cardinal sin of dormcest.

Bad idea. Bad, bad, bad.

Want to see what he said? Check out the male response at COEDmagazine.com.

[Get more He Said/She Said right here.]