Glee-cap: I Know What Boys Like

By Zara

I’ve discovered one of the rules of modern-day television: that every show must have one female character that absolutely captivates everyone.  This female has the inexplicable ability to make every man fall in love with her.  She can make a guy turn on his best friend.  She can put a guy through hell and still have come back to grovel at her feet.  Gossip Girl has Serena Van Der Woodsen.  90210 has Erin Silver.  Greek has Casey Cartwright.  The Vampire Diaries has….well, you get the picture.

In the context of this rule, Glee clearly “has” Quinn Fabray.  Even though she’s essentially pretty boring, displays increasingly rare moments of kindness, and has a really friggin’ annoying voice, she manages to make all the FIIINNNNNEEE men of Glee trip all over their dancin’ feet.  Maybe it has something to do with the fact that she’s insanely beautiful, but I have a feeling it has more to do with the fact that she’s caught in a state of perpetual romantic ambiguity.  Apparently that drives men wild.

Anyway, Quinn’s position hasn’t changed since last week.  She’s still caught in limbo somewhere between Finn-land and Sam-oa.   Apparently Sam caught on to her cheating on him Finny Bear, but Quinn managed to cover her ass with – what else? – an absolutely absurd lie.  This time it had nothing to do with getting pregnant in a hot tub; it was all about catching mono after saving Finn from a gumball-induced death.   Sam believed her, not because he’s dumb (riiiighhhtt) but because he himself has almost choked on a gumball. (I have to wonder: just how many gumballs could he fit in that massive mouth?  I’m thinking it would take more than just one to do the trick.)  So Sam decides to win back his woman the old-fashioned way: with some rock n’ roll (read: teeny bopper pop.)  That’s right, ladies:  Sam Evans is channeling Justin Bieber.

Somewhere else, Sue is plotting to take her own life, but Will and Emma find her before she can go through with her Sue-icide mission.   After the Cheerios lost their shot at Regionals, she lost her will to live.  To draw her out of her funk, Emma suggests that she join the Glee club.  According to our favorite ginger (and one of her many pamphlets), music has the power to drag people out of depression.

Just like every other week on Glee, Rachel Berry was facing a crisis of epic proportions. Staging her own comeback was proving more difficult than expected, so she enlisted Brittany to help her become a trendsetter.  So Britt slapped on an animal sweater, donned some leg warmers, and became a fashion icon.  Unfortch, no one gave Rachel credit for coming up with the look first.

Eventually, Quinn chose Sam because he’s an “artist” and that “turns her on.”  She appreciated his willingness to be a little silly and throw all the rules out the window; unlike Finn, who’s been playing the whole “I know I’m hot” card, Sam has let his personality show through.  He’s proof that originality is the most irresistible of all traits.  Well, that and giving music lessons to the pediatric cancer ward of the local hospital.  Adorbs.

That’s probably the reason Brittany’s take on Rachel’s signature style worked.  Unlike Rachel, who tries too hard and classifies her look (sexy schoolgirl sophisticated something or the other), Brittany is uncalculated and a total rule-breaker (leg warmers on the arms?  GENIUS.)   Here’s another situation to which we can apply one of  the  biggest lessons of this episode: that effortlessness is attractive.   That’s why Quinn is the reining queen of MAN-ipulation: she never commits to one boy, so she never tries too hard to win anyone’s affections.  It’s totally foolproof.  Just ask Lauren Zizes.  She knows what boys like.

Speaking of boys, Sam did the unthinkable and rejected Princess Quinn in favor of Santana.  I want to give this pair a name before the fan-fiction writing teenage girls beat me to it:  do we prefer SAMtana or SantanAM?

So what are your thoughts, guys?  Does anyone else think Quinnie is super annoying?  Is it crazy that I want to steal most of Brittany and Santana’s outfits now that they’ve lost the Cheerios uniforms?  Most importantly – is it just me, or is Glee giving us more insight into the world of dating than any relationship advice book ever could?

Best lines of the night:

Sue, after hearing Sam sing: “I’ve gotta get that girl on my Cheerios”

Sue, to Will:  “You have more grease in your hair than the guy behind wikileaks”

Brittany: “Most teachers think that by cutting classes, I might improve my grades.”

Santana:  “I look hot and smart.  I feel like Michelle Obama.”

Brittany, to Rachel: “When people see you, they don’t see what you’re wearing, they see a cat getting its temperature taken and then screaming.”

Lauren:  “If I was a country, my flag would be a big fist giving the finger and this would be my national anthem.”

Best song of the night: I know that “Baby” was the most anticipated song, but the theatre geek in me was wayyy more excited about “Take Me Or Leave Me” from Rent.  Neither number disappointed.  Sam is (in Santana’s words) “so freakin’ charming” when he performs because he totally embraces his awkwardness.  And the diva-off of the night was FIERCE – both ladies sang their faces of, but I’m going to have to give this one to Mercedes.  Sorry, Rach – you know I still love you.