He Said/She Said: Making it Official

[He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

I’m not a crazy person. On the contrary, I like to think that I’m quite level-headed in all aspects of my life. I tend to think things through and really try to understand all perspectives in a situation before I say or do anything. And that’s probably why all of my friends come to me for advice; they trust what I have to say and know I’ll be objective.

Of course, there is always an exception to that rule.
And of course that exception has to do with guys.

There’s something about liking a guy that can make even the sanest girl go crazy. And I’m not talking “show up at his house in the middle of the night and profess my love outside his window” sorta crazy. I’m referring to the more internal diagnosis: thinking about him all the time, analyzing every single interaction you’ve ever had with him, going to every person you know and asking them to analyze every single interaction you’ve ever had with him, carrying your phone with you everywhere you go just in case he calls or texts, or checking your email in the middle of the night to see if he sent you a Facebook message.

And what drives a girl to such a low level on the pathetic scale?

The not knowing.

Sure, there are batsh*t insane girls out there who do this sorta stuff (and worse) when they’re in a full blown relationship. But for the rest of us, this sorta crazy only presents itself when we’re being jerked around by a guy we like. A guy who seems to like us too…sometimes…we think? We hang out with him all the time, he sends us cute texts, invites us out with his friends, he’s seen us naked, he’s even bought us breakfast….

But he still hasn’t “made it official.”

And it’s not like we can bring that up. No, that makes us look like naggy girls who have already picked out the band for our wedding. We don’t want to scare the guy off or be labeled the “crazy girl” to all his bros. And that’s unfair. No, it’s actually total bullsh*t. Because unlike what so many guys think, we don’t want a title for the sake of having a title. Yeah, everyone loves getting to start off stories with “My boyfriend….” but the real reason any of us want a title is to give our overactive minds a rest. We want to have the comfort and security of knowing that we’re not just a booty call, that he thinks we’re special, and that he feels the same way about us that we feel about him.

A title isn’t just a title. It’s a declaration of your feelings, and at the end of the day that’s all I (and I imagine many girls) really want.  I don’t need some guy to take out an ad in the campus paper and tell the world that I’m his girlfriend or to change his relationship status on Facebook. Making it official, calling me his girlfriend or even just telling me that he only wants to see me naked is not some blood pact that we’re going to be together forever and that he’s now required to buy me ugly stuffed toys on Valentine’s Day. I just want to know that he’s mine, I’m his and that’s that.

Is that so hard?

Maybe. Let’s see what HE has to say.



    1. Charlotte- University of Birmingham says:

      I made my boyfriend ask me.
      We were practically together, knew we wanted to be together and tbh, i was fed up of calling him "this guy I'm seeing".
      So after "seeing each other" for a couple of weeks (most of which was spent apart because I was back in England for Christmas), we went out on our first official date and on the way home I asked if I could be his girlfriend yet.
      Sometimes guys don't understand why we need to be official, but it's true, we really do.
      Just tell him how you feel :]]

      Charlotte xxx

    2. Tricia Hein says:

      I think it is important to make it official, that way you know you're on the same page. When my now boyfriend and I started hanging out, I honestly was not sure that he was interested in me until he straight up told me. Admittedly it was a little akward people asking if we were dating and I had to admit I wasn't quite sure. And quite a few people asked since we attended each other's organization's formals together.

      My opinion is, if a guy thinks asking where you are makes you crazy, then he's crazy.

    3. Alex Huebner says:

      Me and my current boyfriend had been going on dates and to parties and stuff for almost 2 straight weeks. So we were at a party and his friend said "hey brock, bring you girlfriend upstairs, i have something cool to show you guys"

      and brock said "um..she's not my girlfriend."

      and i said "why not? (btw, i was pretty drunk at this point)

      and he explained that he wanted to ask, but didn't want to rush and scare me away. Then he finally was like "do you want to be my girlfriend?"
      and i said "Fuck yeah!"

      Drunk me gets shit done.

      1. Lauren - University of Michigan says:

        "Drunk me gets shit done." Amazing.

      2. @glitchx says:

        Yeah that line totally made my day.

    4. Sarah says:

      I'm in this position right now. I have been going on dates with the same boy since the end of January (about 3 or 4/week) and he is constantly expressing how happy he is with me etc. etc. etc. I have met his friends who have shown approval to him of me and he has met a few of mine as well. He says he wants to "take it slow" because he doesn't want us to crash and burn because we are going too fast to keep up the pace. I am not worried about him straying off and talking to another girl, I am worried about myself.. since all my past FWB are still texting me since no one else knows that I am in this "relationship" right now. If he wants to be with me, then why won't he just make it official already!? I feel your pain, girl.

      1. Chloé says:

        my situation right now :S how did it end?

    5. Jen K. says:

      This is my biggest problem when it comes to guys! I don't want to appear clingy, but, at the same time, are we official or not? You're totally right–it doesn't mean I want to choose the band for the wedding. Not having to wonder would be nice, that's all.

    6. rox says:

      I straight up told him I wasnt going to be his booty call (he kept trying to invite me over late at night) and that if he wanted to see me, he would have to actually date me. So he asked me out on real dates. I later subtly let him know that I wouldnt sleep with him unless it was exclusive (I like to avoid that whole becoming batsh*t crazy by not knowing thing).
      Needless to say, he agreed that we should be exclusive. It wasnt hard, but you need balls to do it.

    7. jahoka says:

      I'm in this situation now with this guy I've been seeing for a couple months. He really seems to like me and whatnot, BUT… he wants to be exclusive yet not official, because it's long distance. It's hard because I want that official status, but I like him too much to just say screw it.

    8. Alicia says:

      this is sooooo my exact situation right now:/

    9. Jenna says:

      Maybe it's just because I was a teenager last time I was single, but American dating seems alot more formal than in the UK. I don't think I've ever really had “the talk" about making things official, it just kind of always happened naturally. I really don't understand the idea of being exclusive but not official? Surely by definition two people who are involved exclusively with each are boyfriend and girlfriend.

    10. […] He Said/She Said: How do you handle “making it official”? – College Candy […]

    11. Lohan says:

      I think it is important to make it official also. If you do not have the title, then you leave room for allowing him to do what he wants and you have no right to say anything. Best advice, if you back off and act as if you dont care about having the title, thats when he will commit!:)

    12. dietcokeandlove says:

      Hey guys,

      Check out if you want a fun blog about sexcapades and girls who have them!

    13. justme says:

      totally agree! boys are crazy!

    14. Rewrite Beautiful says:

      Hmmm… I honestly think too many girls now a days have super low self esteem. They give up their time, emotions and sex way before they even know a guy even likes them. I can say this from experience. And from exxperience I've also learned that guys don't respect a girl that doesn't make them work to be called your boyfriend. Hard lesson. But, totallly worth learning. I'm a lot happier and date way more legit guys now.

    15. mary says:

      I'd like to know what happens to guys after you say I do? Before they are wonderful, opens doors ans all the little things that make you fall in love then boom, couch potatoes " honey do this, bring me that, I don't feel like going out whats for dinner, wheres my clean clothes" Whats the deal?

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