Glee-cap: I’m Talking About Everybody Gettin’ Crunk, Crunk

By Zara

Another week, another round of criticism for the creators of Glee. So what’s the problemo this time around? Too many guest stars? Exploitation of the young cast? Matthew Morrison’s poor attempts at rap?

No, nope and thank god, no.
This week, it’s all about the controversial storyline. (Because, you know, drinking is way more controversial than the teen pregnancy from last season….)

This week’s episode caused quite a buzz (tee hee) before it even aired:  entitled “Blame it On The Alcohol,” this week’s installment featured its high school-aged characters participating in illegal drinking.  Which, might I add, was sorta hilarious. But that’s not the point. I understand the origin of these concerns.  Glee does have a very young fan base, and surely some of its viewers are impressionable – like, “Hey! Brittany’s drinking!  I want to drink, too!”

But Glee is nothing if not incredibly relevant and always manages to turn everything into a very well-packaged and expertly delivered lesson.  The truth is, very few people wait until they turn twenty-one to start drinking and that’s not going to change anytime soon, whether or not this issue is given media attention.

This week, Figgins was on one of his typically theatrical witch-hunts: six suspensions had occurred in the past week, on-campus intoxication being the culprit behind all of them.   Figgins asks Will to have his glee club sing a song about the dangers of alcohol (you won’t be finding any of those on the radio these days) at an alcohol awareness assembly.

Meanwhile, the glee kids were preparing for a night filled with a more tangible form of alcohol awareness.  Puck hears that Rachel’s dads are taking a trip, and he (along with her inability to write a song that isn’t dedicated to Blair Waldorf’s wardrobe) persuade Rachel to throw a house party.

Despite Rachel’s attempts to keep the party tame by wearing some kind of nightgown (inspired by The Sound of Music, I presume?) and handing out drink tickets to keep everyone’s drink count under two (wine coolers, that is), the kids break into the Berry liquor stash and turn this motha into an all-out rager.  Everyone gets silly/emotional/angry/clingy (great breakdown of drunks BTW, Finn) and a game of spin the bottle leads to a Rachel/Blaine smooch.  Rachel is so taken by Blaine’s lips that she squeals out her romantic catch phrase: “I think I just found a new duet partner!”

Elsewhere, Will is struggling with his feelings for Emma, so after housing an entire chicken at lunch, Bieste takes him out for a night on the town.  Will turns out to be a little lightweight, gets college freshman drunk, and makes a drunken booty call to Emma….or so he thinks.

Underage drinking was definitely the main theme of the episode, but it managed to touch on another controversial issue as well: bisexuality.   After kissing Blaine, Rachel works up the nerve to call him up and ask him on a real date.  First of all – MAD PROPS for having the girl ask the guy out.  To all of you out there that say that Rachel was going all “swimfan” on him – would you say the same thing if a guy simply called a girl to ask her out on a date after a great kiss?  But I digress: Kurt reacts pretty strongly to Blaine agreeing to go on the date.  Blaine says that he’s confused – he’s never had a boyfriend and is considering the possibility that maybe he’s bi.  But Kurt insists that bisexuality is just “a term gay guys use in high school when they want to masquarade as normal.”

Kurt’s comment made me kind of angry, and I think this is a good thing. I personally believe that everyone should be held to the same standards when it comes to acceptable behavior within and attitudes towards relationships.  I have to wonder if Kurt’s comment would have gone over better if it had come from a straight character.  But here’s the thing: it would have been incredibly easy for the creators of Glee to make Kurt’s character perfectly angelic.   He is, after all, the show’s most notable symbol for social equality.  But the fact that he – like everyone else – is sometimes the person who fails to understand how hurtful or oppressive certain things are shows us all that when it comes to equality, we could all learn a thing or two.    Whether Kurt believes in bisexuality or not, he should have allowed Blaine to explore his options without drawing a conclusion about something that he can’t fully understand. Then again, his reaction might have had more to do with the fact that Blaine wasn’t choosing him than the fact that Blaine might have been choosing Rachel. (And I get it; drunk Blaine was even more adorable than sober, singing in The Gap Blaine.)

The glee kids perform “Tik and Tok by the rapper Ke- $ – HA”   at the assembly, and to deal with nerves, they each swig a bit of some disgusting sounding cocktail (or what my friends used to call a “suicide”) before they go out onstage.    Halfway through the performance, Brittany spews bright blue vomit all over Rachel and Santana, which just happens to be the only thing that can scare McKinley’s students into sobriety.

And remember that drunk dial Will made earlier?  Turns out he actually called Sue instead of Emma (I was HOPING that that would happen.)  So Sue broadcasts Will’s suggestive voicemail to the entire school and humiliates him beyond belief. And even though I know this show is fake, I still hid behind my pillow, so embarrassed for poor Will Schuester.

So why was I so okay with the whole underage drinking theme this week?  Because it was realistic.   In fact, I think the entire episode was very effective.  It’s like the issue of abstinence-only sex ed.  If you tell people that abstinence is their only option, there’s a great chance that they’ll just have sex anyway….but that they’ll do without the proper resources and knowledge that could have been gained through a more straightforward approach. (Cough Bristol Palin/Teen Moms cough.)  The people at Glee really presented an accurate portrayal of teenage drinking; they focused heavily on the curiously and the pressure. Rachel’s decision to take her first drink stemmed from both of these influences, and I suspect that’s the case for most teenagers.

Glee didn’t get too preachy with the episode (until Will declared that he would stop drinking completely…that was a little much, if you ask me.)   We’ve all heard about the tragedies that underage drinking can cause: the alcohol poisoning or the drunk driving accidents.  These issues are definitely important and should be given attention – but they’re usually the last things on a teenager’s mind when he or she is deciding whether or not to drink.  By choosing to focus instead on the issues that teenagers can actually understand – the embarrassment, the bad decisions, the hangovers – Glee actually has some chance at influencing a teenager’s attitudes towards the more pervasive dangers of alcohol abuse.

Oh, and this week’s take-home lesson?  If you want an A+  on a test, all you have to do is get your teacher drunk before sending him or her home to do some grading.  Works like a charm.

Best Lines:
Rachel: “I just had a relationship with a guy who turned out to be gay. That is songwriting GOLD”

Will: “I used to drink a lot more when I was their age…mostly to deal with Terri.”

Figgins: “Just listen to any song by KEY-dollar sign- HA.”

Blaine: I’d say “bye,” but I wouldn’t wanna make you angry.

Best performance:
This one is a no-brainer: “Tik Tok.”  Oh sure, Heather Morris isn’t going to be winning a Grammy anytime soon, and yeah, the song was auto-tuned beyond belief….but it’s a Ke$ha number, what did you expect?  And to everyone that argues that Mercedes and Puck are the most underused characters on the show, I’ve got news for you:  the show’s most underused character is actually Brittany’s dancing. And her abs. Damn, girl!