Ask a Dude: Am I a Trophy Girlfriend?


I am dating this guy who everyone else thinks is this amazing guy. And I guess from what they see, he is pretty amazing. He is constantly telling me how beautiful I am, how wonderful I am, and how lucky he is. Now, that’s all great and sh*t, but I guess I should tell you a bit more…

He does that stuff all the time. Treats me nicely. Takes me on dates. Cuddles with me. Blah blah blah. BUTTTTTT, there’s this other side to him that no one knows about except me.

He does NOT invite me to hang with him and his friends… ever. He never wants me around them. It’s not like his friends are drug dealing murderers, either. I’ve met a few of them and they’re great guys! Sometimes I’ll call him and he’ll say, “Well I’m just over here at Josh’s. We’re having taco night! It’s so much fun!” And on the other line I’m waiting for him to invite me over. I like tacos, too!! One night I got frustrated waiting on him to invite me so I just went over. And it was so super awkward. He like latched onto me for dear life and made me feel like I had just crashed boys night. It’s not like I was the only girl there, though! Some of their friends who are girls were there, too.

Another thing – he doesn’t spend time with my friends either. If they are around, he says things to me like, “I wish it was just us, that’s all.” My roommate is my best friend and he makes her feel uncomfortable in her own home. It sucks. I don’t know why he’s acting like that.

It’s not like we’re having some secret relationship where he doesn’t want his friends to know we’re dating. He shows me off to everyone! I just feel like a trophy girlfriend. I feel like he sees only the surface and not me for who I really am. What do I say to this guy?? Am I overreacting?? Is this normal? Do guys do this all the time? What’s really going on here???

— Left Out Dear Left Out,

Trophy Girlfriend: One that is paraded around to enhance a man’s ego amongst his peers and strangers. She is treated more like a pet than a person. He shows her off but does not include her. He uses her to create a positive reflection of himself in the eyes of others but does not make a reciprocal effort to be apart of her life.

Does this sound like you? It does from where I’m writing (a secret Dude bunker in a Tunisian cave?) I fear that you’ve found yourself in a position where you might as well be covered in gold plastic with a crappy plate at your base saying: Best Girlfriend. Unfortunately, you’re not a girlfriend. You’re the key to his status as an “alpha-male.” Dump the loser.

Usually I try to keep a level of objectivity in the column. Not this week. This is the kind of guy I loathe. Dump him fast and dump him brutal. Tarring and feathering may be a bit outdated, but if shoulder pads can make a comeback…just trying to give you options.

Yes, a boyfriend who wants to show affection to his better half can do so by giving her compliments on how attractive he finds her. But he’d also make it a point to make her feel included in his life, to integrate their relationship with at least some of his friendships, and to assure her that she’s a top priority, if not the top priority. Now, the d-bag narcissist who sees the gal on his arm as an accessory meant to accentuate his awesomeness, well, he’ll just off empty words. He’ll rattle of compliments to make you seem appreciated so that you’ll smile when he takes you out. He’ll spend money on you if he can afford it to showcase that he has means to shower on a hot girl. Finance becomes a laurel to enhance the trophy girlfriend which is used to enhance himself. Do we see a pattern emerging?

He’s got a one track mind: him. You’re the Armani suit he breaks out to make himself look good to others. Dump him. All he’s doing is undermining your sense of worth and confidence. He’s reducing you from person to toy poodle. Don’t let it continue. Neuter the relationship. “Fix” him before he “fixes” you. This is about protecting yourself now, not about trying to avoid hurting him. Then you and your roommate go out on the town and celebrate being d-bag free. Trust me. You’ll see…

It’s all happening,
The Dude

[He’s good, right? Check out The Dude’s other insights into the male mind right here.]



    1. MIchelle says:

      ? waiting for dude's answer

    2. […] Ask a dude: Am I a Trophy Girlfriend? If you have to ask, I probably know the answer. (College Candy) […]

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    4. Jayni says:

      Huh ? Where's the answer ?

    5. CC EDITOR says:

      Sorry about that! Should be all fixed now!

    6. Kelly says:

      Really? this is the worst advice ever!!! if you invited yourself over to hang out with his friends when he never INVITED you then of course its going to be awkward!!! why would you ever do that?! it is possible for a guy to want to hang out with his friends without his girlfriend! also how can you be a trophy girlfriend if he doesn't show you of to his friends? that doesn't even make sense! and maybe he doesn't like your BFF, that is possible ya know! all i know is that you sound whiny and he sounds like hes just an awkward dude. break up, he deserves better.

      1. Keen says:

        word. I totally agree. This "The Dude" is overly harsh and, at least in this article, does not provide accurate insight into the mind of a man (such as myself). He sounds like one of those honestly good guys which women like you are constantly begging for and now that you have it you find one rough area and want to whine about it rather than COMMUNICATE

      2. Ohhonestly says:

        How is he an "honestly good guy" when he neither includes her with his friends, nor will hang with her and her friends? A good guy would at least occasionally include her with friends or go with her friends.

      3. If you read the question properly, you'd see the she says that he NEVER invites her out with his group of friends. He hasn't tried to integrate her into his life at all, and any effort she makes at integrating him into hers is weaseled out of. Now I agree that a guy should be allowed to hang out with just his friends, but if you're going to have a relationship with someone, the someone you want to have a relationship with should be included.

    7. Miriam says:

      Or maybe, I don't know, TALK TO HIM? Don't dump him before you give him a chance to explain himself. Human psychology and behavior is complicated and no two people are alike. Don't ditch someone just because you've decided that you know exactly how they think and what they're feeling. You may be surprised. Maybe he once had a girlfriend who always teased him in front of his friends and made him feel insecure. Maybe he once had a girlfriend who left him for one of his friends. You seriously never know. Don't listen to this stupid advice.

    8. […] Ask a Dude: Am I a Trophy Girlfriend? – College Candy […]

    9. Alenis says:

      She's not a trophy girlfriend -otherwise he would show her off to his friends.

      More like a "token girlfriend", someone who's there to fulfill a need.

      1. Ohhonestly says:

        Painfully true.

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    11. Anonymous says:

      Sounds too familiar — like I almost know who this is.

    12. @letemswing says:

      Sounds to me like the guy is afraid to lose the trophy girlfriend if her friend express dislike for him and possibly afraid she may go for one of his other "friends". He's afraid she'll find a better deal if she gets to compare him with others when they're not alone, or that she won't like him as his real self in his natural environment as opposed to his acting self when they're alone..

      1. Ohhonestly says:

        All the more reason to dump his rump.

    13. lozz says:

      The way it sounds to me is that he is really into you and wants to be with you. Yes he may need some time with his friends, but he seems aware of losing you to his friends or someone better. Maybe he doesnt enjoy hanging with your mates because he wants it to be just you and him?

    14. Ashleigh says:

      She doesn't sound like a trophy girlfriend at all, considering that he doesn't want to be around other people when he's with her. It just sounds like the writer wants to break up and is looking for an excuse. Nothing wrong with that! Dump him if you want out!

    15. Rachelle says:

      This guy’s advice actually hits home. His words may be brutal, but it’s all true. Trust
      someone who was in a relationship just like this. Dump the guy fast!

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