Relationships can be great — always having someone to cuddle with, vent to, and share your favorite things with – but unfortunately things don’t always go as smoothly as planned. Sometimes once you get to know a person — once you spend more than a few month’s worth of sexy nights with them — you realize that maybe things aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.
Let’s get really honest for a second — most of us have stayed in a relationship or two far past its expiration date. Sometimes we get too blinded by the bright shiny light of love to realize when a relationship has become toxic and needs to be over. Breaking up isn’t easy, I know, but sometimes you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.
If you’re having problems figuring out whether to stay or go, here are some things that scream “it’s over”… or should be.
Abuse. Under no circumstances should you be staying with a person who is emotionally, physically, or sexually abusive. You can do better, I promise. If your partner is hurting you in any way, get out — and fast. If you need some help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).
Lack of respect. For you, your space, your family, your friends, your dreams, the list goes on. Respect is one of the most basic of things you should be expecting from a significant other, and if that’s not there it’s time to pack your bags.
Lackluster sex. Sure, this seems shallow, but if you can’t imagine having sex with only this person on a long-term basis, it’s probably best to get out. Some things can be remedied — spice things up and get a little kinky — but if you’re sexually incompatible (find out here!), it’s better to end it now than to drag it out.
They don’t support you. Sure, your dream of being a skydiving instructor may be a little extreme, but that doesn’t give your partner an excuse to crap all over it. If your partner is completely unsupportive of your goals, hopes, or ambitions; you’re not dating a person who is worth your time.
No love. If, after a reasonable amount of time, you’re just not feeling those feelings of love or a desire for a long-term commitment, you should probably break it off. Pro tip: a break-up after three months typically hurts much less than a break-up after three years.
Cheating. Whether it was you or your partner, cheating means you need to seriously reevaluate your relationship. Why did it happen? Can you be positive it will never happen again? Will your relationship honestly be able to recover? — Just some things to think about.
Liar, Liar. How can you know your true feelings if your relationship is based on lies? Regardless of who happens to be the guilty party, lying is a big hint that a relationship is slowly but surely going down the drain. Remember my point about respect? If someone truly respects you, they will tell you the truth.
Different directions. One of the best parts of being in a relationship is the hypothetical future you can make up together. Not only is it fun, but it’s also a good way to feel out whether or not your ideas of a future match up — do you both want kids? Do you want to live in the same places? There’s no point continuing a relationship that is going to come to a head once the big decisions come up, so if you find yourself dating someone with a very different future in mind, you should break it off.
No direction. Another thing you can learn from that hypothetical game is whether or not you even want a future with the person you’re dating. Can’t see it going anywhere? Do the right thing and break it off — that is, unless the other person feels the same way too.
Just because. Sometimes you don’t need to have a reason, sometimes it’s just over. Save both of you the drawn-out, emotionally draining break-up and just get it over with. And remember: quick like a band-aid, and don’t look back.