You’ve got a big day planned: 7am bloody marys, 9am flip cup tourny, a burrito break, then lots and lots of green beer. 18 hours of boozing? Psssssh. It may sound like a lot, but you’ve been training for a day like this since you stepped foot on campus.
You set your alarm for 6 a.m. then run around the house screaming at your roommates to get out of bed.
“It’s party time! Get up!” You turn on all the lights, bump your iTunes and head down to the kitchen for a power breakfast. You search for the carbiest things you can find, then shove a half frozen bagel into your mouth and wash it down with some OJ, the only non-alcoholic beverage you will have for the day. You don’t have time for chewing; you have an outfit to pick out.
Once your stomach is good and coated you head back to your room to prepare for the day.
Appropriate drinking outfit? Check.
Small flask that fits into your purse but can still get past campus security? Cheeeck.
You head back downstairs and begin mixing cocktails for the roommates. Slowly, they make their way to the kitchen where you are waiting for them, drinks in hand.
After everyone’s buzz has been kick-started (thanks to your force feeding), you take some much-needed selfies then head out into the sea of green. Once you reach your first destination of the day, the drinks come quickly: shots of Captain’s straight from the bottle, cans of Keystone straight from the funnel, and 2 games of flip cup…all before 10 am.
You’re feeling good, like a rock star.
“I LOVE DAY DRINKING!” You scream. “This party’s goin’ all. night. long!”
As you make your way from friend to friend, you do your part to make sure everyone is drinking as much as you. After all, you are a day drinking champion and everyone else should be able to handle it, too.
“DRINK, PUSSY!” You shove your half-empty beer can in some guy’s face. “There is no sobriety on this sacred holiday!”
You spend the next hour cycling between games of flip cup, trips to the bathroom (because you broke the seal too early), and hazing your friends into drinking more. Oh, and who can forget, taking lots and lots of pictures. Mostly of you and one of many alcoholic beverages.
Eventually it’s time to head out to party number 2. You throw your last beer can onto the ground, hop on some boy’s back and head out. “To State Street!” you scream, before smacking him in the ass to get him moving. Sure, you’re wasted, but that’s the point; the day has only just begun.
You’re about 100 yards down the street when those early morning decisions hit you. Like a truck. You hop off his back and – what? – why is the ground swaying? Are you on a boat? And who stuck the giant cotton ball in your mouth?
trip onto sit down on the curb and then the spins begin. It’s only about another 3 minutes before you are calling a friend and begging her to walk to home. You stuff your face with a Jimmy John’s Turkey Tom (no sprouts) on the stumble trek back to your place, then climb into bed fully clothed and pass out (with a garbage can nearby) all before 1 p.m.
You wake up a few hours later, chug a bottle of water and then get back into bed. Your roommates try to rouse you to join them for the night’s festivities, but the thought of alcohol gives you the chills.
You were too quick out of the gates, my friend. But it’s OK – we’ve all been there.
Day drinking’s a bitch. There aren’t many people who can keep it goin’ all night long.