Okay. So we’re going to do that thing where I write a word, and you say the first word that comes to mind. Ready? Okay.

Chivalry.

Right. So what are you thinking? Knights and ladies? Castles? Old school gentleman? Do you even know what chivalry is? Why am I playing the word association game with you? Well, I’ll tell you. A few days ago, The Frisky did this great post on what exactly it means to be chivalrous in today’s world and what it means to be a gentleman. Is it an outdated concept? Does it encourage stereotypical gender roles? Is chivalry dead, and if it’s not, should it be?

Obviously, this got me thinking all sorts of things about girls wearing hoop skirts and guys opening doors, and then, further back in time to Heath Ledger knights in armor and what I would look like in one of those peasanty gowns with super long hair…but I digress. The point is I started thinking about chivalry, but as often as I’ve heard about chivalry and as much as I’ve talked about if I couldn’t quite come up with a definition. So the natural researcher that I am, I looked it up. On Urban Dictionary. And the results, well, I wouldn’t so much call them helpful as I would eye opening. There were two pages worth of definitions which ranged from “is dead” to “an idea developed by Queen Eleanor of England” to “Women killed it. They don’t like when we are nice to them anymore.” Granted there were some more appropriate definitions, but for the most part that was pretty much it.

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Every girl needs a good purse (or 12). Whether you’re going for groceries or running from class to class, they are simply essential for holding all your, uh, essentials. Each week, I’m going to show you a fashionable, yet functional purse for the college crowd and let you know why you absolutely need it! I apologize ahead of time to your bank account.

Urban Outfitters has been one of my favorite shops since I was a funky 15-year-old trying to spice up my Catholic school uniform. They specialize in quirky yet stylish fashions for the girl who wants to be a little bit different. Besides carrying great, vintage-inspired clothing, Urban Outfitters also has a phenomenal selection of purses to suit your every need! Many are “online only,” but since they have a great website and even better return policy (seriously, the best one out there), you don’t have to worry about ordering and not loving your purchase.

Cooperative is a company that sells lots through Urban Outfitters, including, of course, some fabulous purses. I couldn’t find ANY brand info about this one, so I can’t really tell you where they come from or the inspiration behind them. If anyone knows, let me know! Read More »

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This is supposed to represent me thinking about sex, K?

Sexual activity is anything but black and white. Hooking up, making out, and fooling around all mean different things to different people; I told my mom when I was about 15 that I had been making out with a boy, and had to spend the following 20 minutes explaining to her that making out was just French kissing. Apparently back in her day “making out” meant having sex — which is certainly different than my innocent round of tonsil hockey.

After that, I figured out pretty quickly that sex isn’t always as easy as doing it or not doing it. Regardless of my ill-humored post about when it actually counts, I have a legitimate question for you lovely readers — what is sex, anyways?

I spend a lot of time writing about sex, and as a mostly-heterosexual ciswoman, when I talk about sex I’m usually referring penis-in-vagina intercourse — but I’ve come to realize lately how cis-centric and heteronormative that is, so I’m now on a quest for an alternative definition.

It’s easy enough to say that sex is intercourse, but what about same-sex couples? Or those that would prefer to avoid vaginal intercourse? Is a person who has had anal sex with a plethora of partners still a virgin? What about oral sex? What is it, exactly, if you’re masturbating together? Surely that can’t be sex, can it?

There is so much grey area when it comes to sex that it’s hard to define what’s what. Perhaps we need to focus on the feelings that come along with the action rather than the action itself — but then what can be said about one night stands?

I don’t have any take-home lesson or awesome list for you this week, just a bunch of honest-to-goodness curiosity and a desire to start a conversation. We need to redefine our idea of sex, and what it is that makes it sex in the first place.

So, folks, let’s get this party started — what is sex? And how do you know?

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So we don’t know if you’ve noticed, but here at CollegeCandy we’re a little bit obsessed with the internet.

We read a lot of blogs. From the really big ones to the really little ones. We read about food and fashion, college and real life. About television and movies. About post grads and pre grads…You get the idea. But the point is that as bloggers, we CollegeCandy girls can really appreciate other blogs, especially college blogs, run by college students for college students. We’ve done our research on these, searched far and wide and now we want to share the fruits of our labor with you.

These are our favorites. So click on the links and start reading!

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Dear Dude,

My long distance 3-year boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We had been dating from his sophomore year in college until now; I had stayed home and he went to school 3 hours away. I would visit whenever I could, and he would come home for breaks. We became really close and honestly the relationship was really easy. He never cheated and he always called and texted. And I thought waiting for him to come home was right. Yet, 3 years later, we are both 10 min away from each other and he decided to break up with me 7 days before V-Day.  He said he was sorry because he should be feeling more confident about our relationship. He doesn’t think he’s ready for the seriousness that a 3-year relationship means. I am his second girlfriend, and he feels that he cannot become more serious until he dates other people.

Now my question is, if he broke up with me to date other people then WHY is he still acting like we did when we were dating? Instead of going out on a Thursday night with his guy friends and picking up chicks he is at my house watching TV. He texts me constantly, and is writing on my Facebook more now than he did when we were dating.

I confronted him today and asked him what was going on but all he could say is that he was so sorry and he didn’t know what he wants. I cut him off from my Facebook, and deleted him from my phone but something just doesn’t feel right. This is the first guy I have ever been with that I wanted to fight for, but I don’t see how that is going to help. I don’t know what my next steps are from here, and being out of school and stuck at home I have no rebound to consider. DO I try and be friends with him? Or cut him off and just move on?

Help me,
Confused

Dear Confused,

3 years, s’long time to be a champion girlfriend (first person who gets that reference, write in and I will personally send you a prize).

A long distance relationship for that amount of time can sometimes be seen as more of the CZ or Splenda to the real deal. A lot of people use long distance over a long period of time as a safety net from putting themselves out there. It becomes a protective bubble. This avoids the possibility of getting hurt and dealing with the complexities/intricacies/intimacies of a face-to-face relationship.  Then, when the distance disappears, the bubble bursts.

I’m not saying all long distance relationships are BS. Not in the least. I’ve known plenty where the two people involved came back together and re-discovered each other. They also discovered that how they’d grown while apart didn’t exclude them from growing together from that moment of reunion. However, I’ve known a bunch that was more like the ones described in the paragraph above. Based on what you’ve told me, yours seems to fall into the “category” of the former.

The old saying that girls mature faster than guys, well, it’s true. There’s this idea put into a guy’s head, or so it seems, that if he doesn’t have sex with at least a half dozen women or is involved in less than five relationships then there’s no possible way he can be ready to settle down into something meaningful. Now that is BS.

When you find the right person, been together for years, grown together for years, fill voids, and challenge each other into becoming the best version of yourself you’ve ever known yourself to be, then it’s right. I don’t care if that’s your first girlfriend or your hundredth. But your boy seems to have drunk the convoluted “manswer” Kool-Aid.

I think you’re on a good path. You can’t sit idly by and twiddle your thumbs while he figures out what he wants. You’ve got to determine for yourself what you want. If that is him, then by all means fight for him. If he’s not worth the crap he’s making you go through, then move on.

I’m a believer in having and making choices. No matter the situation, one’s always there. Just because right now you feel like you don’t have a rebound and you might be depressed about being back with your folks after school (which millions of college kids are doing these days, so don’t feel ashamed about that) doesn’t mean you have to take him back.

It can feel like your options are limited. It can seem like there’re only two paths and neither is appealing. It might be the reality or it might, in part, be your own judging of yourself. But you can still choose. Don’t choose out of default or feeling trapped. That will limit your possibilities and that will take away your confidence in being able to make decisions for your life.

So I say reevaluate your options, come at it from a fresh place with as fresh a perspective as you can. It sounds like you’ve already taken great steps to get there. Once you’re there, make the choice. My choice would be to move on. But only you are you. So only you can make the best choice for you.

Letting it bleed,
Dude Jagger

[He's good, right? Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

Despite the fact that we like to believe we’ve left stereotypes and cliques and clichés back in high school, it’s simply not true. Sure it’s less obvious in college, considering that a lot of those stereotypes have morphed and changed, as have the people who used to fit those stereotypes…but it all comes down to the same thing. Lots and lots of college clichés.

But don’t feel so bad, CollegeCandies because we’re not the only ones who can’t leave those stereotypes behind. Hollywood too falls into that trap without even realizing it. In fact, if you think about it, Hollywood is really just one big college campus…which means that all the celebrities are  just walking college clichés.

I’ve listed a few of the more obvious ones for your entertainment.

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[Sarabeth here, back with some more jams to add to your iTunes library! Every Wednesday, I'm bringing you music suggestions - could be something new, old, hugely popular or fairly unknown -  to awesome-ify your  collection.]

I was really sad Monday when I went to the interwebs to find that Suze Rotolo had passed away. She was a very creative individual in her own right, but was most well known for being Bob Dylan’s gf/muse and was on the cover along side of him for his album The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan. This one’s for you, Suze.

About the Artist:

It seems almost silly to write a bio for Dylan, but for those of you not in the know, Bob Dylan is a folk singer/songwriter who’s been doing amazing things for music for the past 50 years. Born Robert Allen Zimmerman in Minnesota, Dylan started college at University of Minnesota but dropped out to move to NYC to pursue his music career. Read More »

What It Is:
Make Up For Ever Aqua Smoky Lash

Why This Should Be in Your Bag:
I’m a firm believer in the magic of mascara. For the longest time, I never wore it, until a girl at Sephora introduced me to a couple wonderful brands. When she applied it, I was amazed; instantly my eyes were brighter. It made me look really beautiful and now I won’t leave the house without swiping some on.

Make Up For Ever is a well-established brand (full of products that I LOVE), known for making professional quality makeup that the everyday consumer can also use. Their Smoky Lash Mascara has been a cult fave for some time now and I knew I needed to get my hands on it. Now, there is also a waterproof version, which is even better! It’s designed to rock your mascara world, promising “volume, length and intense pigment.”

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