Single Girl Society: Dump Your Backup Guy

By Anjli

Lesson 17: Dump Your Backup Guy

It’s midnight, the tequila is starting to sink in, your stilettos are a set of stairs away from breaking, and you’re at your favorite bar with your friends that you may or may not have used a fake ID to get it into. You’ve been listening to enough Ke$ha to already forgive yourself for the mistakes you plan to make tonight and so you stumble out of the bar and into the arms of your go-to drunken hookup. For the 47^th time.

While having a go-to hookup for the drunk version of yourself seems convenient and harmless, it can actually be detrimental to the potential relationships you wish you had instead. Even if you go out for the night on the prowl, promising yourself you’re going to be open-minded to meeting someone new, you’ll always have your backup guy in the back of your mind, preventing you from being truly open to new options.

For example, you start off the night strong, spitting out your best flirting game – hair flips, bedroom eyes, clever remarks, really making an effort to flirt outside your group of friends – but as the night goes on, you’re getting a little tired, maybe even a little frustrated so you tell yourself, “Eh, there’s always Greg,” (or whoever your go-to hookup is).

Now if you’ve been following the column, you’ll know that I don’t believe every single girl should feel the need to be on the prowl 24/7. Do what makes you happy! In fact, if you don’t ever feel like playing the flirting game, then don’t force yourself to do something you’re not comfortable with.

Even if you don’t enjoy all of the joys (and potential fails) that the courting process has to offer and choose not to participate, by relying on your backup dude, you could be shutting people out without even knowing it.

Even the little things like clinging onto your phone all night to text your weekend lover, makes you hard to approach for guys who may be interested. Or maybe you’re looking around anxiously or checking your phone for the time to see when you can leave already and head over to your backup guy’s place. Or maybe you brush off new guys who approach you because you’ve told yourself all night that you already have someone. It’s the little things that can distract you or make you appear distracted to interested guys.

Perhaps you’re perfectly content with the little drunken hookup system you’ve got going, because let’s face it, the hookups are totally toe-curling since you’ve spent every Friday night mastering each other’s bodies. But if you’re looking for more than a physical connection on the weekends, you need to either decide whether your go-to hookup has that sort of potential or not. If he doesn’t and you still dedicate some of your time to him, you could be missing out on a guy who could give you the same physical pleasure as well as an emotional connection.

Got it? Good. Now get the first 16 rules of the Single Girl Society right here.