Why Dudes Downgrade

If you’re on Facebook and haven’t “un-friended” your ex in a fit of rage, then you still have the luxury of knowing when he’s moved on and whom he’s moved on with. We all dread the moment we see an ex (or in my experience my actual boyfriend at the time…yup, true story), tagged in a questionable photo with a new girl, fearing that the dreaded ‘in a relationship’ heart will be the next step.

Of course we secretly hope that this new chica isn’t a Natalie Portman look-alike, but we also hope she isn’t some kind of Ke$ha-inspired hot mess. Because then you have to question everything. Now, your immediate reaction may be to cry because somehow your ex thought this Amy-Winehouse doppleganger had more to offer than you.

But when you actually start to think about it, laughter is probably a better choice. I mean, seriously dude, what were you thinking!? Would you ask the concierge to downgrade your penthouse suite to a closet-size room? Would you ask the flight attendant to bump your first-class seat to coach? Then, Tiger, Tony Parker, Jesse James, and all the skeezy downgraders of the world, why would you prefer a train-wreck over a girl who’s got it together?

After a lot of frustration and hours attempting to “man-alyze” the situation, I have come up with these reasons to explain why guys downgrade.

“The Fast-Food Fallacy”- When a guy is really hungry, he’s probably more likely to order a McDonald’s Big Mac instead of driving to a classy sit down restaurant. Well, the same goes for when he’s horny. If you two go to different schools (or in some severe situations, even if your dorms are far away), then chances are that this d-bag downgraded because you aren’t convenient. When he says “you deserve more than I can give you,”  he really means  that he deserves more than Facebook pokes and long-distance sexting. Although little miss-Big Mac is greasy, sloppy, and downright cheap, she probably lives in his dorm which makes her easy and obtainable. Don’t sweat it too much though, we all know Dollar Menu items only lead to clogged arteries and obesity.

“Tiger’s Trigonometric Theory”- We learned in grade school that 5+5= 10. What some guys fail to realize is that two “fives” do not add up to a ten. Neither do five “twos” or ten “ones.”( You heard it Tiger, no amount of IHOP waitresses or strippers will ever equal a supermodel).  By dumping you and sleeping with multiple women this guy probably thinks he’s somehow upgrading. In reality, he is just increasing his chances of getting Chlamydia.

“The Insecure Idiosyncrasy”- Standing next to a hot mess at a bar or party makes you feel good about yourself, right? Well, some guys feel the same way. Exhibit A: Jesse James probably chose a tattooed whore over an Oscar winning actress because he couldn’t stand that Sandra is not only better-looking, but also a lot more successful than him. If a guy is so insecure that he needs a skank to stroke his “ego” (literally and figuratively) than he wasn’t worth it anyway.

“Just Plain Stupidity”- There are certain guys who simply don’t know a good thing even when it climbs up on top of them. (Tony Parker, what the hell were you thinking when you cheated on Eva Longoria?) Everyone knows that if you’re lucky enough to be driving a Mercedes Benz, you don’t take a Toyota Camry out for a spin around the block. And texting, seriously? Didn’t you learn anything from Tiger?



  1. happily says:

    Or the alternative option– he didn't like you. And he likes her better. Because they're a better fit. And the world goes round

    1. Simone says:

      People "downgrading" is in the eye of the beholder. Just because you see someone and they look a certain way does not mean that your ex has downgraded…it really is more of a reflection of you and your insecurities…

    2. rox says:

      haha. its a good idea to just accept that sometimes.. not make up silly stories about her being a 5 and him trying to add girls up to 10.
      still a cute article.

    3. majyk1 says:

      exactly! People just need excuses to make themselves feel better.

  2. Stephanie - Holy Cross says:

    point taken, happily….but that reason leaves little room for comedy

  3. Charlotte says:

    I agree with EVERYTHING on here! Love it!

  4. Jennifer says:

    Yeah, my ex definitely followed the Fast-Food Fallacy, literally. He's engaged to a girl who he worked with at McDonalds.
    Maybe that's not the actual truth, but I can be bitchy about it in my mind.

  5. Loren says:

    I like the article but I really don't understand why the only mention of an tattooed girl was a "whore". I get what you guys were trying to say but I think it could have been a bit more respectful. I mean Kat Von D is not the hottest thing but there are some of us with a lot of ink that are extremely hot!

  6. Abigail Kinsella says:

    Even though I agree with most of the reasons cited, I'd also add that sometimes it's just that the infatuation period or that new love phase has just run its course. Some people jump into deep relationships entirely too fast without really getting to know the other person fully and before they know it they've made too serious of a commitment to each other. Once they start feeling stuck, misunderstood, underappreciated or miserable, instead of handling the problems that come up by communicating this to their partners, they seek solace and understanding from someone that doesn't remind them in the least of their current mate/partner. So what would I blame this sort of mistake on? I'd call it emotional immaturity…solely because a grown-up realizes that responsibility means finding a solution that works well for both parties involved. A cognizant and compassionate partner would never go out of their way to hurt their paramour — they'd prefer seeking a reasonable solution to the problems that they face instead.

  7. tony says:

    What do you have against IHOP waitresses?

    1. Stephanie - Holy Cross says:

      besides the fact that IHOP thinks it's acceptable to serve fried chicken and waffles on the same plate, I have nothing against IHOP waitresses… or girls with tattoos for that matter….I do, however, have a problem with guys (ahem, Tiger Woods) who cheat on their wives with these women, or with any other women regardless of their occupation…

  8. He's just not that in to you says:

    SLadies did you ever think that it’s not him but is you?

    We all ways see these articles building one woman up while tearing the other one down. Sometimes its not him. It’s you.

    In the world of celebraties we only know what their image is. We are not flies on the wall and don’t have nanny cams. She may be the same as successful husband who’s wife cheats on him with the gardener or pool boy. Was it his fault or was it the old female standby that some other kind of need was not being met? We some how can accept that.

    My questiom is why?

    1. Kenno says:

      your Mercedes analogy only works if you actually get to DRIVE………since in the situations you mentioned the car spends all its time away from the OWNER, it should be no surprise that he kept the rental.

      and just so someone says it

      you chics are crazy salty about being replaced when you refuse to DO YOUR JOB.

      That other chic might be a 2 or a 5 but she clocks in every day and works overtime while you are off enjoying your company retreat and bitching with the other non-preforming employees.

      Look around the breakroom (hair salon) next time you are there, and ask how many of you are employed at all.
      maybe the bosses are just not interested in employees that phone, tweet or text it in.

  9. ThaTan says:

    of course only a woman would right this cause she wouldnt understand that one pussy gets boring no matter how pretty the woman is so if you ain doin nothin to keep it interesting a nigga will cheat

    1. hooked on phonics says:

      you may want to learn to spell "write" correctly before you post ignorant comments

    2. person says:

      And I suppose you think no woman could ever possibly get bored of you? It goes both ways. The fact is, people who cheat are scum. No if, ands, or buts about it. And bored isn't an excuse. If one doesn't have the emotional maturity to end a relationship before it comes to disloyalty, than really, they have no business being involved in relationships at all.

    3. Anna says:

      This is the reason one should avoid dating "n*ggas". Tan

  10. Stacy says:

    Here’s the thing, no matter which of the sexes is doing the cheating, the point is, if you’re unhappy in the relationship, or your needs aren’t being met, or you want some new ass, man up or woman up enough to get out of the relationship FIRST. There is absolutely NO excuse for cheating…grow some balls! Stop being so underhanded, sneaky, and nasty….cause I know this, you can cheat if you want to, but if I so much as catch a sniffle from another woman that someone I’m with passes to me, there’s gonna be some funiture movin’ to say the least!

  11. look around you says:

    Most of the article I agree with but it seems one sided to me. Men and women “trade-up or down”. The majority trade down either because their current mate is a)a b*!@# b)a cheater c)a leech d) a sex hungry pain e) a douche or f) all of the above.

  12. Rock says:

    This last comment is golden, lmao. One point most women miss is that most women's value goes down over time. They don't look as good. And they do less nice things that you like and complain way more. Basically asking for more and doing less. So you get less bang for the buck and way more responsibility and nagging. It turns from being fun to just being a chore.

    Its true, that men cheat because one woman gets boring. And that instead of women concentrating on being as good as they think they are and keeping the mans attention, they concentrate on things that bug the man and push him away, or try to catch him cheating which never helps. They make a long list of what they won't accept and all the standards a man has to uphold. Which is fine when she's new and the guy doesnt know all her own faults and letdowns, but when the glow is gone and she's not all she's cracked up to be, and she's not focused on getting better for him, but focused on never being satisfied, then the man may opt for a less maintenance girl that he can just have fun with and not so much work for the same reward.

    1. WWE says:

      I guess this WOULD explain why you've been acting the way that you have been lately, huh Mr. Torn ligment. Too bad you were too chicken-shyt to MAN UP, but thanks for reporting to the blog, now I KNOW the truth.

  13. Vegas says:

    This is all stupid. Obviously this was made by a women with no life. Men leave women for the petty things they do. Most of the women that get with bad men already know that he is a bad man. Don't go complaining about it and try to find reasons to make yourself self better when he decides to screw you over. A woman CANNOT change a man. A man has to want to change. And no offense, but if women learned how to keep there legs closed, things would be a lot easier. Women open there legs fast as Hell for a man they find attractive. That also the reason we have so many women who have never been married with multiple baby daddy's . If all women decided to not give it up to every man they see, then society would be a better place. I'm sure this post will probably upset some people but if you check all the statistics, I'm speaking the truth. These days, most WOMAN are just as trifaling as most Men. You show me a man that would gladly go and have sex with multiple women and I'll show you a woman who would gladly go and have sex with multiple men.

    1. star says:


      first off, WOMAN is singular…WOMEN is plural

      second off, if you think this is all stupid then why did you read it and waste your time writing an grammatically incorrect paragraph?

      third of all, to make a generalization that all women open their legs for an attractive man is completely erroneous

      If you're trying to come off as an uneducated sexist, then it's definitely working.

    2. criolle johnny says:

      You complained about a generalization by making a generalization.
      You criticized his grammar with three out of four sentences that lacked proper punctuation.
      Both sexes can be sexist and uneducated. You both proved it.

    3. Chloe says:

      "Women open there legs fast as Hell for a man they find attractive. That also the reason we have so many women who have never been married with multiple baby daddy's .

      I gave your post a – because it's so negative, but there's a truth. Women who hang that "free pussy here" sign around their necks help immature men remain immature. An attractive woman who has her act together isn't going to put up very long with a man who doesn't own his crap. I've seen men who, when they're through with a woman, will treat her like dirt in order to get HER to do the dumping. That way he doesn't have to do any lifting for that, either.

    4. Nikki says:

      So a guy can fuck any chick he finds sexy and is a pimp, but a chick does it and "that's why we have so many unmarried mothers"? How about we keep the value judgements out of this: unmarried mothers happen because of poor birth control. Frankly, judging by the lack of responsibility by most men I've met, if they were the ones with uteruses, we'd have incredible overpopulation. So if women "shouldn't give it up" to any man, then men shouldn't either. But frankly, I just think everyone should be respectful and honest and fuck whomever so long as they are safe and not self-destructive.

  14. How about this one: Everybody has some sort of insecurity–sexual, emotional, intellectual, financial, psychological–which they use "relationships" (no matter how counter-productive they are) to mask?

  15. Stezzie says:

    to those people who made negative comments on this article: at some point in your life you stole someone elses boyfriend huh?

    1. Bee says:

      that is EXACTLY what I was thinking. Well said.

    2. Nikki! says:

      Nah, I think they just recognize it's a waste of your time and energy fantasizing and facebook stalking a dude who was clearly a douche in the first place.

  16. Dio says:

    Get over yourself.
    The new girl isn't a 'downgrade', you aren't better than anybody. Maybe he left you because you are such a snob.

  17. nfamous says:

    Shut up Bitch

  18. KEEKEE says:

    Thats funny how alot of the comments include, “Cheats out of boredom” thts like hillarious. Check this out….a person cheats because he/she feels like it. In my opinion, its absolutely no excuse. If u bored with ur partner then let partner kno wht u like and spice things up a lil bit. Add toys, smelly lubricates, hell if u tryna go all the way out and both parties are completely cool…add another person!!! Dnt mean 2 sound like a freak or whtever cause i am 4 my man and does whatever 2 make sure shit dnt go sour. But anyway, the key is communication 2 everything. Not everything will go ur way but at least communicating will help solve alot of ur problems as well as misunderstandings. Peace out!!!!!!

    1. Anna says:


      I tried to read your response but I only write and speak english.

  19. moon says:

    this is witty and right on the money

    all the haters are probably "downgradees" themselves….who knew kat von d read collegecandy articles?

  20. […] it Tiger, no amount of IHOP waitresses or strippers will ever equal a supermodel). ” – Why Dudes Downgrade, […]

  21. Twig says:

    Maybe Eva wasn't giving Tony any. Maybe Tiger's bed wasn't getting rocked at home. Maybe Jesse wasn't getting any Bullock. IF your wife is hot as hell, but doesn't give you the time of day, what is the relationship worth? Just because She has the body, doesn't mean she gives it to her man. Most men would rather have some quantity, over the unrealized hope of quality. If women want to keep their men, put the effort in. You might just like the attention you get in return. My wife woke me up with sex the other day, so I responded by cleaning the house, baking cookies, making her favorite dinner, and taking her to a movie. (notice the order these take place in ladies).

    1. Anna says:

      You rock dude!

  22. a guy says:

    Here is a reason. Maybe he wants her and doesnt want you. Maybe if you were better for him he would be with you but you arent. As for the cheating, Everyone that cheats is a punk. There are people that want an open relationship so why not just man/woman up and say thats what you want up front. That goes for any desire/fetish/style of relationship. Humans need to evolve and stop playing silly games

  23. minnie says:

    too funny

  24. Paulette says:

    Oh who cares why he's with the other chick. It's none of your concern. Move on!

  25. BOOP says:

    MAYBE he's upgrading. You called him too much and got angry at him when he said too many Charlie Sheen quotes. Maybe you accused him of cheating on you every time he talked to another girl. Maybe he hates how you call yourself fat in order to fish for compliments. Whatever the reason HE JUST LIKES HER BETTER.

    For him, she's perfect. She laughs at his jokes, likes the way he can act casually around everyone or he likes her because she is comfortable with her body. No matter what the relationship is over and you need to move on.


  26. E.D. says:

    My girl cheated on me. I totally got the reason y. But it would have been better to just b honest and say I can no longer b in this relationship and end it. But we met and cheated on our partners so go figure. But I made changes in my lifestyle and me and my best friend are back together. I cant say when we split up if we upgraded or downgraded but I wanted to try something different. And i found I couldnt do without her

  27. insomniac says:

    office Assistant
    who said dudes overgrade? i never.
    thats funny by the way.
    office Assistant

  28. john says:

    who wrote this? a woman! this is what I expect from a lady, u can't understand men. why do men downgrade?, well it is not about downgrade but more sex. becos. love and sex are two diff. things and being beauty/classy is diff. from sex.

  29. kaitlinn says:

    let me help yall out check this out to funny

  30. […] For many people it was no surprise that California’s former governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and ex-IMF chief, Dominique Strauss-Kahn, were both caught in significant sex scandals earlier this month. Just like many powerful politicians before them, including Bill Clinton, John Edwards, John McCain, Gary Hart, Donald Trump, John Ensign, Eliot Spitzer, John F. Kennedy, Ted Kennedy, Franklin D. Roosevelt, (and the list goes on), Schwarzenegger and Strauss-Kahn just seemed to be following the same broken-down path as their predecessors, from serious power to serial infidelity. For many people, the correlation between powerful men and philandering is old news. Like a used-up cliché, it becomes unsurprising and even predictable to assume that influential men are acting out and sleeping around. (Check out Why Dudes Downgrade) […]

  31. Guy-G says:

    You can’t write off someone’s actions with a fallacy. In reality, every situation is different from the next. A word of advice, if you were the one dumped or cheated on, you probably were the downgrade.

  32. Alexis says:

    I completely agree with everything that was said in this article & although my ex boyfriend downgraded I’m not mad or bitter about it because they’re both 5’s and I’m a 10 ;)

    Peace&love from AlexisNicolle, Pittsburgh PA

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