10 Things That Would Turn Every College into a “Dream School”

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Remember back in high school when you were asked “what is your Dream School?” Well after 3 and 1/2 years I’m still not sure what my college guidance counselors meant by that. I’m also pretty sure that my dream school might look more like a 4-year-long version of Animal House and not a highly reputable academic institution with a good student:professor ratio. Our friends over at the Huffington Post decided to make a list of the top ten dream colleges, and I have a feeling they’re also not on the same page as me.

In fact, I’m pretty sure they’re not even in the same book. Why? Because when I think dream school, this is what I’m thinking:

1. No Friday Classes. Three day weekend, every week… yes please

2. Hot TA’s. Maybe a shirtless Ryan Reynolds type? Oh and they have to be single too.

3. Kegs in the class. Instead of getting up to get a class of water, just fill your solo cup with beer. Let’s be real, history is a lot more interesting if you have a chug a cup of beer everytime the professor mentions a war.

4. Noon Foam Parties. Every day, in the middle of the quad. When no one is in class. Also at the foam party would be giant slip and slide. Oh, and beer.

5. PMS rooms. You know those days when your cramps are unbearable, but you still need to go to class and you end up having an hour break between classes, but can’t go home because it’s too far? Why not a room that has loads of comfy couches, Netflix with our favorite chick flicks, and chocolate…mounds and mounds of chocolate. Oh and no men allowed.

6. Jillian from The Biggest Loser. Forget Freshman 15! Everyone at the school will get a personal training sesh with this hardcore chick once a week! (well maybe some other trainers too, since everyone will obviously want to go her.)

7. Tina Fey is the president of the school, not the country. I think I’m on to something here. Forget boring mass public safety warning emails that everyone deletes. Tina would be shooting out one-liners to the entire campus all day long.

8. Hair Salon in the student center. You know those days where you really need to get your eyebrows done or your roots are not fit to be seen in public. This would eliminate that annoying 30-minute drive that requires you to skip a class.

9. Bar on Campus. Had a tough day? Need a martini? Why not just pop over to the campus center and grab one on your way to English.

10. Free Textbooks. I think we can all agree that buying textbooks is the worst part of every semester. Why not help a broke student out and start handing those things out for free.

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