Sexy Time: Opening the Back Door

I used to be pretty anti-anal. The idea of a foreign object being inserted into my butt held less than zero appeal. I was worried about the pain. I thought it was only for gay men and that most straight women only did it because their boyfriends kept begging for it. But as I became more experienced and open-minded (and started voraciously reading sex blogs), anal started to become more and more intriguing and less intimidating. Anal play is not relegated to small niche subsets of the population – many women actively enjoy anal play for a variety of reasons.

1. Some of us are submissive. We enjoy relinquishing control in the bedroom and being dominated by our partner. Anal sex is generally considered one of the most vulnerable sex acts, and for many women who enjoy exploring their submissive nature, giving access to their rear entry is one of the strongest expressions of their desire to please their partner (though this in no way means that submission means ignoring your own wishes and setting your own boundaries).

2. Some of us crave a lot of spice. We all have default positions we fall back on because they never fail to get us off. But at the same time, sometimes it gets a little stale. Throwing in a scandalous position occasionally breaks up the monotony.

3. Some of us want to explore yet another erogenous zone. Though we don’t have a prostate like guys, the butt is full of nerve endings, and anal play stimulates those in a way that can be incredibly pleasurable.

If you’re interested in trying anal, here are the 5 things I think you should definitely know:

1. Lube is your absolute best friend. It’s almost impossible to have “too much lube” when anal play is on the table. The anus is not elastic, and it doesn’t naturally produce lubrication. You want whatever the thing is – an anal toy, a finger, a dildo, a penis, whatever – to glide in and out with no friction. Silicone based lubes are the most recommended, because they’re longer lasting and don’t get sticky.

2. Start small and start slowly. This may seem like a no-brainer, but seriously. Use a (well-lubed) finger, anal beads, or a small butt plug to get your body used to something entering your exit zone. This will prepare you for something bigger, but it will also ease any anxiety you may have once you become familiar with the sensations on a smaller scale. Make sure your partner goes slow and gradually. This is a sensitive area that is generally not conducive to jackhammering (at least not the first several times).

3. Be mindful of hygiene. Never go immediately from the booty to the vag, as that could lead to extremely unpleasant vaginal infections. If you are being penetrated by a male, absolutely use a condom. Though you can’t get pregnant via anal, you can still contract an STD.

4. Talk through it. Communication is absolutely essential to a good (or, at least, not traumatizing) anal experience. If you are uncomfortable, speak up. If you want to try a different angle, suggest it. If your partner is going too fast/being too aggressive, let them know. If you feel nauseous or physically uncomfortable, you are well within your rights to speak up. Don’t be embarrassed if it turns out you hate it. By keeping the lines of communication open, you can proceed to have an awesome experience you’ll want to repeat, or you can have a not great experience but then go on to try something else that may more to your liking.

5. Relax! Naturally, you’re going to tense up, but breathe and remember that you can stop it whenever you want to. It helps to have an orgasm or be exceptionally aroused before you start, because your body is in a calmer, more welcoming state.

I’m not going to go so far as to say every woman should try anal once in her life. I wouldn’t do it if you’re not enthusiastic about it. If you only do it for the sake of your partner, and you truly have no interest in it at all, it is probably going to suck. Sometimes you just know if you’re not feeling something before you try it, and that’s totally fine. But anal does have a stigma attached to it, and I want to do my part to help destigmatize a perfectly normal, safe and potentially fun sexual adventure.




  1. michelle says:

    I will NEVER do anal. that is the one thing that's on my "never will I ever" list. It holds absolutely zero appeal for me.

    1. Lenn217 says:

      Well ya know. At one point I was completly with you there. I said No Way Never Will I Do it! For some stupid reason I thought ok I'l try it. Was with a long time B/F. I couldn't hande the pain an tried to make him stop and he wouldn't. Needless to say we never spoke again after that night. Scared of the thought after that I swore NEVER would I allow a man to touch me again that way. I've been with my Husband 10+ years now an he has respected me an my wishes to NOT go there. So I surprised him one night. I took it upon MySelf to try it ALONE first. Yes it was VERY weird I admit. At the same time I was able to go at MY own pace to get use to it. To me that helps a lot. Even now when we do go for the back door it's by My Choice and I start it. He still doesn't ask or just plan go for it.

    2. Lenn217 says:

      (plain**) To me it's all about Trust in the one your with. To know the signs to watch for an PLENTY, PLENTY of lub! Good luck an Like you said. It DoesN't hold appeal for everyone. I never would have ever thought that I would enjoy it at all. My biggest thing was wanting to try something "New" Spice up the Adult time for us. Still all the same, Doesn't happen everytime or every other for that matter. But when it does it's amazing none the less!

  2. unfortunately, my vagina doesn't work, therefore I do have to use my butt. I've been enjoying anal sex for the past however many years. It does help to have a prostate. I couldn't fathom what a woman actually feels like sensationally in the bottom area. Another good tip to ensure that if you do intend on using a douche to clean back there, to not do it consistently. It's not the end of the world. Also, I'd go for water lubricants rather than silicone lubricants. Water based for latex condoms, Silicone for Polyurethane condoms for those allergic to latex. And to those who are scared of bleeding, try not shoving it in all at once like a moron… the sphincter is an automatic muscle that needs to be trained and tamed. Also, do NOT use vegetables. I know some girls enjoy using cucumbers, but avoid anything edible. Don't be cheap, and buy a dildo. They do come in smaller packages for anal training.

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  4. kayajordan says:

    everything about this article makes me cringe. no way in hell.

  5. criolle johnny says:

    6. If it's your first time, start on top. That way YOU control the pace. Sometimes us guys get a bit enthusiastic and forget that this is something new. If you're above, you can always lift a bit if (when) things get uncomfortable. If you're underneath, it can be hard to wriggle away and cries of pain CAN BE hard to distinguish from moans and groans.

  6. Blue Dildo says:

    Enjoying anal isn't just for the ladies, either. Guys – if you haven't your prostate stimulated, then you are missing out!

  7. Joyce says:

    I love anal sex!!!!!

  8. akash says:

    I’m bi-curious and touch my hole now and then but want something fleshy inside me! It does feel great with a finger aswell!

  9. […] pretty open-minded when it comes to sex. I like getting spanked. I’ve had anal. I love giving blowjobs. I’m into exhibitionism. I’ve done mild knife play and […]

  10. […] pretty open-minded when it comes to sex. I like getting spanked. I’ve had anal. I love giving blowjobs. I’m into exhibitionism. I’ve done mild knife play and I’ve had my […]

  11. This is Crazy! For some men who are adventurous and exploring something new they do want this. For women who are not use to it, probably its a kind of awkward thing to do. But if your partner is begging for it, just give him a try!

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