He Said/She Said: When Fakin’ It is the Only Option

I’ve only gotten in two fights with my roommate since the day we were blindly assigned to one another the summer before our freshman year. The first was about Dr. Green on ER and how he died. I’m not proud to say, it ended with me throwing a remote before storming out of the room and slamming the door. Also, she was right.

The second, and more recent, was about faking an orgasm. The conversation started with a debate and subsequent Google search about whether or not a guy can fake it (he can, which we’ll get to), and turned in to her scolding me as I tried to list of the many reasons why I think faking it is totally acceptable in certain situations.

“You’re ruining it for the next girl!” she screamed as she paced the room. (Seriously, she was taking it so personally, you’d have thunk she got my tainted sloppy seconds or something.)

And I know that; it’s not like I hadn’t heard that argument before. I’ve also heard “he wants to please you, so tell him how,” and “every girl is different so you have to show him what you like.” Hell, my human sexuality teacher even chimed in once with, “you gotta speak up when you want something…especially when that something is an orgasm.” Yeah, that’s awkward in a 9 a.m. lecture.

The point is, I get it. You shouldn’t fake it. It’s bad to fake it. It’s rude to fake it.
But the truth is, there’s an exception to every rule. And in the case of fakin’ a big O, there are three.

1. It’s a random hook up.
When it’s a one night engagement between two people who know nothing about each other beyond how many drinks it takes to get the other naked, there’s no use in wasting time with a map and Power Point presentation of your erogenous zones. So you throw your bra and his jeans across the room and hope for the best. And when it’s actually the worst, well, you fake it, let him fall asleep, and kick him out/grab your things and run home before there’s the slightest chance for another round in the morning.

2. It needs to end. Like, yesterday.
It’s sad but all too true: some guys have no effing clue what they’re doing in the bedroom. No joke, it’s like they learned their moves from the power tools as Home Depot. And it’s awful, mind boggling and sometimes even downright painful. You could stop them, explain why jackhammering you with this look on their face is bad, and give it another go…..or you could fake it, wait until they’re not in the deep throes of “passion” (if that’s what they call it) and find a more opportune moment to give them a much needed lesson on pleasuring a lady.

3. He’s a sensitive little bugger.
Maybe it’s because I take constructive criticism really personally, but I have a really hard time critiquing others, whether it’s my family dog who pees on the carpet (“it’s OK, Sophie; I can see how you mistook the gray carpet for grass”) or a boyfriend in a most intimate moment (“No, it’s totally fine when you’re done after 15 seconds!”). I just can’t stand the thought of making him feel bad when he’s clearly trying so hard. And, yeah, maybe it only delays the inevitable, but I’d rather give him the big confidence boost of putting a smile on my face with a little fake yelp, than have to tell him that no one likes it when a guy licks inside their belly button. Call me a pussy, but I just don’t want to risk an awkward crying moment.

Look, I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me on this – and many will do so vehemently – but I also know that 70% of women have reported faking an orgasm, which means that there are lots of ladies out there who have their own reasons for flexing their bedroom acting muscles.

What are your reasons?

And in case you’re wondering, guys can and do fake it, too. Crazy, right? Find out why, right here.



  1. […] Check out what SHE SAID at […]

  2. Jennifer says:

    Faking is just pointless in all situations, but I'm going to voice my opinion about the situations you've mentioned.
    1. If it's a one night stand, why bother faking? You're never going to see the guy again, so why stroke his ego? Getting laid is a boost enough for him.
    2. Faking will likely give him the impression that he's obviously NOT doing it wrong, like you mention, because you came. If you don't then you can explain why, and not have to explain why you faked on top of it.
    3. One awkward moment can prevent many others in the future. If he cries about it there's probably something else going on besides the fact that he can't make you come.

    I used to fake, with my ex. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Then we broke up, I explored other men . . . realized it wasn't me, my ex was just shitty in bed. Yes, I guess if it ever came down to me needing to throw some insult in his face I now have the best weapon ("I faked it every time."), but I also missed out on a lot of possible good sex if I had just told him straight up.

  3. Rebecca says:

    Rather than faking it I just tell him to finish. He usually responds with, "Are you sure?" I say "Yep" and off he is to orgasm land without me having to pretend that had an orgasm. I still enjoy sex without one and sometimes it's just not possible (usually because of stress..) I will admit that I used to fake it all the time but this tends to go over without too much trouble and is a lot more honest.

  4. Sarah says:

    i have no problem telling him that i haven't orgasmed and that if he really wants to get off alone that badly, he should just do it & not worry about me. of course this is in a hookup/FWB situation, not a relationship. i don't feel like i owe him the fake orgasm.

  5. Kay says:

    A fake orgasm is better than no orgasm ;)

    1. rox says:

      because sex should be like putting on an act and lying to your partner? yeah thats always so much fun.

  6. rox says:

    A lot of women have trouble orgasming. I have tried everything and its almost impossible. That being said, I dont bother "faking." My bf knows that most of the time I dont want to spend an hour on foreplay when we just want to have quick sex, and that I'm ok with the fact that I just cant orgasm most of the time. Also, the more pressure there is, the less likely it is to happen. Oh irony.
    Who says that we have to pretend to experience a release that never happened? thats so retarded.

    1. Cheryl says:

      I thought I couldn't have a organsm and I met my bf today, and I have one almost everytime. Ironically he was a virgin before he met me, but he does good, I also found out that I can only have a orgasm on top. We broke up for a while and I was with someone else, and umm yeah didnt have a orgasm it might be my boyfriend oh what not but I'm happy. :)

  7. Cheryl says:

    Fake it until you make it. No just playing I'm all for faking it, especially when I'm not in the mood.

  8. Ray says:

    I say if he’s doing it wrong tell him. Or else he’ll be doing it wrong for a long time and you want to feel pleasure too. So the best option is to tell him.

  9. anna says:

    I agree with you that sometimes faking isn't entirely bad. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and when we started having sex he was…lost. I would provide critiques of what he should do and how he should change things up but knowing that he was really going out of his way to make it happen I didn't think providing some positive reinforcement was such a bad thing especially since now he makes me orgasm all the time so I guess the reinforcement to keep trying worked! I don't think having an "orgasm" makes a guy think he is doing everything right–at least my boyfriend didn't think so, that is why I was always ever so subtly coaching him but you also want him to keep trying instead of feeling like he is failing all the freaking time.

  10. Lexi says:

    I dated a guy once that honestly just kept trying over and over again if i didn't orgasm so he would be always wanting to go again and again until i was "happy" and he didn't get that sometimes I didnt want to keep going or that it just wasnt going to happen, even though I was perfectly happy with the sex and enjoyed it. so after a round or two i'd fake it sometimes just so I didn't have to keep going… and going…. and going…

  11. criolle johnny says:

    2. If he has no damned clue, TEACH HIM.
    Econ 101, Land (or raw material), Labor, Capital.
    The raw material you have is a boy. Make a man.
    Labor is Y-O-U.
    Capital is time. Invest a little, you would want the same if the situation were reversed, ( or did you?).
    The finished product is a living demonstration of your skills and pride (and patience). If you have none, your roommate is right.
    If you have all … and are capable of sharing it, he will sing quiet prayers to your name whenever someone holds him blissfully in her sleep.

  12. Alex says:

    I faked the first few times with my current bf. It was really good, but I have a bit of trouble letting myself orgasm with a new guy–performance anxiety, or loss of control anxiety, or something. But after I got more comfortable with him I stopped, and I haven't needed to since!

  13. Hirondelle says:

    Ok, first off, I wouldn't mind my guy licking my belly button. Call me a freak, I do not care. The point I'm trying to make is that everyone is different, so it's completely ridiculous to expect someone to "just know" how to turn your buttons, you have to tell them! Faking it is completely unnecessary when you get realistic about sex: it's a completely unique experience for everyone, so showing/asking shouldn't be strange scary or weird at all! Just part of the pleasure game! :)

  14. Jen says:

    I complete agree I have faked multiple times. some because they are one nighters others because I dont want to and the guys gets that sad look in his eyes so i say yes and end up faking to hurry things along so I can do homework go to work or sleep. Sometimes you just have to do it, I do not see anything harmful in that. They way I look at it as a white lie. Something you tell him to make him feel better. It goes in the category as; "Baby, you I dont check anyone else out," "I only have eyes for you," "You are so much better at it then my last boyfriend." There is nothing with a few white lies.

  15. kendra says:

    Thank you rox! I have never had an orgasm and frankly, I don't care. I love sex anyway. It's nice to see someone else who doesn't see the big o as the only sex perk.

  16. […] PM- It’s over. He’s finished. At least I think he finished. Did he finish? OMG, what if he faked it? What if it was so bad he just wants it to be over so he can go to sleep? Is he going to call […]

  17. […] a doubt, one of the best ways to improve the quality of your sex life is engaging in foreplay. A lot of sex advice articles focus on the fact that many women need […]

  18. T-Bone says:

    TRUST ME! I bang my first whiie girl, this 18 year old Blonde, college girl, she was! had sweet hairy pussy! Toid me she, had a white boy friend. She kept on calling my Black ass. The Deep down, crave, got stirred up! Trust Me! I knew, deep inside, I felt gave the same crave! she gave, strired up crave that sweet taste! My frst piece taste had me craving some sweet taste!
    A Black me, back home, I growing up, a Black man, we NEVER taste damn pussy! That girls gave that my first taste!
    I Firiday Night, I remeber MADE some GOOD SEX! I bang sweet pussy Non-Stop! BOMB GOOD pussy, was so damn GOOD! I pomp her sweet pussy, made that shit pulsate!
    That white boy friend NEWER Knew, a Brotha stretch sweet so GOOD! banging Roots like Black Stallion!
    first girl she told me, I had a Big Dik! a white girls, told me, me that shit! I humilated some GOOD, felt damn dik Roots!

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