Define Your Own Boundaries (Or Why You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty About Casual Sex)

So there’s been a lot of talk here on CollegeCandy lately about slut shaming, casual sex, and what exactly defines a girl as “whorey.” Instead of clearing all of that up for you with this post, I’m probably just going to create another grey area, but hey, that’s what life is all about, isn’t it?

Right. Okay.

So I want to talk to you ladies about one night stands. Casual sex. Hookups. Booty calls. Those guys you sleep with once and probably never see again. The reason I want to talk to you girls about this is because a lot of you are probably cringing right now, recalling your last one night stand, the last time you slept with a guy and then walked home in last night’s clothes, the last time you had casual sex and then felt guilty about it. In fact you’re probably feeling guilty all over again right now. And I want to tell you to stop. Stop cringing. Stop feeling guilty. Stop second guessing and over thinking and feeling bad about yourself. Because you know what? Casual sex is okay. And you know what makes it okay? The fact that you wanted to have casual sex.

Because when it comes down to it no one can set your boundaries for you but yourself. You define what is right and wrong for you, good and bad for you. You’re in control. And if you’re okay with it then just be okay with it. Don’t try to justify your actions or your reasons to anyone but yourself. If you’re okay with the way you live your life, then, really, that’s all that matters.

Not being all that big on the one night stand myself, it took me a while to figure out how I wanted to approach this post. And of course my musings (just like everything else in life) brought me back to Carrie Bradshaw and Co. The Sex and the City girls. If anyone could make you feel less guilty about doing what feels right in the moment and going after what you want it would be these ladies.

I thought back to the episode where Carrie was featured in a photo shoot entitled Single and Fabulous. But at the end of that title there stood a question mark (Single and Fabulous?) rather than an exclamation point (Single and Fabulous!) and all of a sudden Carrie had herself questioning whether or not she believed there should be a question mark or an exclamation point at the end of that sentence. So, Carrie goes out and has a few drinks and she meets a guy. A guy she flirts with and kisses and almost takes home. She doesn’t. Because she realizes that if she slept with him she wouldn’t be sleeping with him because she wanted to but because she felt like she needed to prove something to herself, that she really was single and fabulous.

So Carrie goes home alone that night, but she doesn’t always, not when she doesn’t want to. And for Carrie that’s why casual sex is okay, that’s why she doesn’t feel guilty. She’s had more than her fair share of one night stands, and she’s okay with that because when she brings a guy home she does it because she wants to. She doesn’t feel guilty about the casual sex she has because she is in charge of her choices, she makes her decision. She defines her own boundaries and does what’s right for her. (That being said even if you’re not feeling guilty after a one night stand, but you’re still feeling unhappy you might need to reconsider the reasons why you’re gravitating towards casual sex. ) You shouldn’t feel guilty about indulging in a one night stand. Why?

Because you had fun. Because you weren’t expecting it to be anything more or anything less. Because casual sex is okay. Because you define your boundaries and no one else. Because you enjoyed it. Because you wanted it.

So if that’s what you want, go out there and get it. Do what you want to do.
Just do it safely.



  1. Aves says:

    I have no other word to say than: Exactly. Spot on.

  2. Anon says:

    How does one discern their boundaries? Where does one, find out what they are ok with? Some big questions… and I don't know my answers. I suppose everyones answers are different. I just wish I knew mine. May I ask a question to everyone? I hope that would be alright, because… speaking as a virgin, I'm not certain as to how to determine mine. Because, for all sakes and purposes, I agree with this.

    1. sam says:

      I agree with Tes, and I also think you have to make some mistakes and take some risks to know your boundaries. I found that personally, it just took time to make me feel open about a lot of things — not just sexually but in all parts of my life. You learn about yourself as you go.

    2. Tes says:

      I don't think many people know their boundaries right off the bat, unless maybe they have a religious or moral conviction that dictates they act a certain way (and there's nothing wrong with that). It's just.. good old trial and error. There's nothing wrong with trying things with a boyfriend, or anyone one trusts, and stopping if you're uncomfortable. Better yet- an all around safe and private approach- imagine that you're in those situations- would you feel comfortable, do you feel comfortable even imagining them? You don't have to know the specifics now, I know that I'm still figuring out mine, and I'll probably be figuring them out for the rest of my life. Hope this helps :)

    3. truekime says:

      Thanks for your reply. (I'm Anon… now I have an account.) I apologize if this is getting too deep. But, are you ever afraid of getting hurt, or worse, hurting someone else? Is this simply a risk that you take and deal with?

  3. Mr Peepers says:

    Sexual guidance from a fictional character who doesn't have to wake up and smell the semen. Wow. That's how I want to live my life modeling values decisions on novelists' musings. Sorry but you need more to back up your argument that it's okay to have sex because you want sex. Where do you draw the line – casual consensual sex; date rape sex where one wants it and the other doesn't; predatory sex which seems to be a coupling of unregulated libido and self-loathing turned outward and translated into violence. Sorry can't agree that one-time sex with strangers, pick ups, and playah's is just hunky dore – hey just because your horney and can find someone to tickle your ivories or is it ovaries?

    1. sam says:

      The writer of this article intended to write about defining "YOUR boundaries for YOURSELF" and not clinging to some hard-and-fast rule when everybody is different. Your argument doesn't even make any sense.

    2. jay says:

      I'm pretty sure we all know how to draw the line between consensual, anonymous sex and rape. Violence is a risk no matter what daily activity you do as long as you're around other people.
      And you don't seem very credible when half of your words aren't spelled correctly..

    3. Jenn - Wagner College says:

      I understand if you disagree with my argument, but please understand that I am in no way attempting to rationalize date rape or non consensual sex. There's a big difference between those two and consensual sex, casual or committed. Defining one's own boundaries and sleeping with someone because you want to, because you're comfortable with the idea, is something else entirely from any kind of non consensual sex. You asked where do you draw the line but I draw the line at consent and I think I've made that pretty clear.

  4. Joyce says:

    I started losing credibility for this article once you started mentioning Sex and the City. I hate this show!

    1. mrawzors says:

      Seriously. It will go a long way for women's rights when we stop using Carrie to back-up all our decisions.

    2. gabby says:

      I don't think it was a back-up here, just as illustration? something a lot of people would know about and relate(ish) somewhat to. :)

  5. sam says:

    Great job, great article. Everybody is different, they like and dislike different things, they are comfortable and uncomfortable with different things. If people understood that DIFFERENT from themselves isn't WRONG…

    1. Jenn - Wagner College says:

      Thank you! I'm glad my point wasn't lost on everyone.

  6. chanela says:

    is this article fucking serious? why are people encouraging this? do you not know that STDS and HIV is spreading like wildfire? sit your ass down and keep it in your pants. "just use a condom" condoms arent magical. you can still catch stuff with a damn condom too. omg im so sick of this sex obsessed generation. it wont be long till its normal for people to have gonorrhea and HIV as if its a cold or something.

    1. mia says:

      Spot on chanela. Condoms will not save u from HPV and viruses like that. Besides condoms can burst or break and u can get aids in no time if your 'one night' partner has the disease. When u are tipsy and excited in a party, u can never be sure if the condom is really there.

      Why take stupid chances? One should know about one's partner and sex is not really fun without some amount of love/affection/tenderness. Lot of stupid women like jenn are providing opinions that are really against the interest of young girls. Notice how many time jenn says, 'casual sex is okay'?

    2. Emme says:

      1) The majority of 20 something women have been vaccinated for HPV as several states now require the vaccine for public school students and many colleges provide it under student health plans. Also the media frenzy surrounding the HPV vaccine have exaggerated the spread of this particular STI.
      2) Condoms are an excellent way to protect yourself and your partner from STIs, though anyone will tell you they are not 100% effective hence why you should choose your partner carefully.
      3) AIDS (not aids) is the disease that results from contracting the HIV virus.
      4) I understand you think there needs to be love between to people for them to really enjoy sex. Lots of people don't think this is true. Lets agree to disagree. The article is trying to say if you're safe, and secure in your decisions you shouldn't feel bad about having casual sex. The sheer ignorance of your argument shows us whores who sleep around out of wedlock are not the stupid one's you are.

    3. @skibblezing says:

      For the record: 50% of HS seniors graduate without having sex. 1 in 2 of those sexually active seniors will have an STD by the age of 25. But most STDs are curable. So, acknowledging that people are having casual sex and emphasizing how to do it safely is more important then telling them to not have sex at all. Also, learn to find your shift key, and look up the different forms of 'it's, its' and when to use them. Your mechanical errors made you lose credibility.

    4. emma says:


    5. Sara says:

      I'm sorry, what did you think the last line, "Just do it safely," implied? She's saying use condoms, choose who you bring home carefully, and think before you act. This article was a message about guilt, nothing else. If people are going to sleep around anyway, they might as well enjoy it. There's no sense in feeling guilty about a natural biological need. Some people choose masturbation, some choose sexual intercourse. It's a personal choice, and nobody else's business.

    6. Autumn says:

      I am so sick of people believing that because of their faith that they are holier or better in the eyes of God. All children of God are equal. Jesus did not die to save the righteous but the sinners. "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you" (Matthew 7:12).
      I am a Christian, but I do not believe that God will condemn me for sins of the flesh. Sinning against fellow man (such as theft, murder, telling lies) is a much more heinous crime.
      Also if you were a properly educated young woman you would also realize that the term STD is far outdated and that HIV isn't a separate classification, therefore leading me to believe that you were raised in a Southern or Midwestern state that did not offer comprehensive sex education. The proper terminology is STI. If you were raised in a state that did offer such education you should have learned about the proper statistics regarding condom use. While condoms may not prevent against STIs 100% of the time, they are the best alternative to using nothing. If you would rather people have unprotected sex when they do have causal sex (because it has been proven time and time again that abstinence-only sex ed. doesn't work) then why don't you become an educator? I know that I would pull my children out of your class as quickly as possible.

    7. Casey says:

      She never even said she was a Christian. Wtf? That was a stupid and pointless rant. A "holier than thou" Christian is not a real Christian in the true sense of the word for the very reason that you aren't either, because you don't know what you're talking about. They cast stones with unclean slates and you believe sins of the flesh are better than theft, murder, and lies. The bible clearly states that all sin is equal, murder is the same as premarital sex in gods eyes. But Jesus died to save us from our sin, your debt has already been paid, no matter what you do.

      And while I can't judge anyone for choosing to have casual sex, I can warn against it. It's not being holier than thou, it's wanting my fellow man to join me in the afterlife, however you ultimately make your own decisions.

    8. @skibblezing says:

      As much as that may be true, the people you talk to aren't the thousands of people that will read this article. I am willing to bet that over half of them are having casual sex (me included!) and that insinuating that they won't join you in the afterlife offended them, whether or not they are christian. It's not about the repercussions of your actions, it's about doing what you do safely. It's better to do something stupid than something stupid and dangerous.

  7. Izzy J. says:

    This is honestly the reason why there are so many teen-moms and STD's floating around. Casual sex. When people had a little bit more respect for themselves, things like STD's and teen-pregnancy were practically non-existent. I am so tired of all these articles about why you shouldn't feel guilty for just throwing yourself out there for some random guy to use up. Because while you're here discussing whether or not you should feel guilty, he is texting all his guy friends that he hooked up with some random, easy chick and had himself a merry time. This article makes it seem like this is such an important decision, when it's not. bottom line is casual sex should not happen and for you easy girls, should be kept to the bare minimum. Life isn't like t.v., where you can keep hooking up with random dudes and not expect anything to happen. Young girls read stuff like this and end up with urinary tract infections and other germs from hooking up with unclean men or too many different people in short time spans. You think it's cute to run your mouth about your sexcapades now in-front of your equally desperate and insecure friends, but when you get older, you suddenly pretend to be these wholesome and sweet people, discouraging your own offspring from having casual sex b/c u know its wrong and dangerous….hypocrisy.

    1. Jill says:

      Actually, by not talking about casual sex, STIs, and teen pregnancy, you are promoting all of those things.

      Teens need to be taught the FACTS about sex, not a religion's opinions about them.

      Knowing that pre-marital sex is "bad" won't help a 15 year old girl not get pregnant. Knowing about protection and the facts about the prevalence of STIs will.

      Please get informed, as they are not referred to as "STD"s anymore, and you do not have the right to judge someone else's decisions.

      Worry about yourself, that's a big job.

  8. Audrey says:

    "Hey guys, Jenn over at Wagner College is horny and doesn't care who you are as long as you've got a dick and a condom. Head right over and let her hop on, don't bother providing you name, she just wants some quick and easy pleasure because she doesn't know what self control is. She's every mans dream, a damaged girl to screw with no regard to hurting her reputation or feelings while you're in the process of looking for that perfect reserved cutie with self control who you wont have to worry about being a demanding, unappeasable, wife who will cause you to question your role as a man.

    Want easy, mediocre, disconnected sex, FOR FREE? Give Jenn a call! Who needs a hooker when you've got a liberated college girl willing to give it away for free?"

    Written by: a girl who LOVES sex, and can get it anytime from anyone, but has self control, boundaries, and enough respect for herself to not give in to my every impulse and sleep with someone who doesn't give two shits about me. Because I'm worth a guy who wants more from me then just a "good time" and an easy fuck. Because I have so much more to offer than just sex and a hot body. Because I have a brain, an education, a sense of humor, wit, an exceptional personality, confidence, and can putting a smile on anyones face. When a guy meets me he wants to take me to dinner, a movie, on a walk through the park, and THEN make love to me, afterwards he wants to do it all over again, rather than just use me to get off and then disappear on to the next willing snatch. And I get the pick of the litter, because they know I'm worth it :) I have cute, successful, talented, and respectable guys banging down my door and I can afford to be picky.

    You can too, but you've got to own it, and not just give it away. Casual sex? OR Respect, prestige, and pride? I'll take the later, thanks. Sex may feel good in the moment, but anyone can get sex. Not everyone has respect, THAT is a challenge and something that has to be earned, it's something you get to keep and it leaves you feeling good day, after day, after day.

    1. Jenn - Wagner College says:

      Honestly this comment is one of the most disrespectful things I have ever encountered. No where in this article did I mention me or my sexual preferences expect, actually to mention that I am not a girl who engages in one night stands. At all, But comments like this are the reason that I willing wrote this article because women who do have casual sex, who for their reasons do have sex simply because they feel like it should not be subjected to this kind of bullying or judgement. They shouldn't feel guilty or be held accountable to anyone but themselves. Thanks for proving my point.

    2. Emily says:

      Audrey: do you free good about yourself after sitting on a computer bashing someone you know nothing about? I really hope your self esteem just sky rocketed after posting this. You may think youre funny with all your sarcasm but in reality you are not only supporting the sexual double standard in society but also being an online bully… GOOD JOB.

    3. Jill says:


      I hope that your little outburst helps your own sad little life feel more worthy. Sitting behind a computer and insulting someone is a cowardly thing to do, and you have no reason to express this kind of hate to someone that YOU DON'T KNOW.

      Please leave the internet forever, for all of our sakes.

      Worry about yourself, that's a big job.

  9. Stefan says:

    It would appear to me that you are using this article as a way to excuse your own slutty behavior.

    1. Jenn - Wagner College says:

      It would appear to me that you didn't read the line "Not being all that big on the one night stand myself, it took me a while to figure out how I wanted to approach this post." and missed the whole point of this article.

    2. truekime says:

      >.< No. It would appear that the author of this is being brave enough to make her own decisions. We shouldn't judge.

    3. Jill says:

      Worry about yourself, that's a big job.

  10. jackie says:

    whatever rocks your socks i guess haha, however I am cautious about my HEALTH before all other things :|

  11. Casey says:

    "Mind your own damn business" huh? It is our business when it's an article written on a public forum. Sex is necessary for procreation, it's not necessary for any other reason; that's why nuns and priests can live in celibacy and not die. Just because you like it and want it doesn't mean you have to have it. And if you have to have it, then you most certainly have a problem.

  12. me'lisa says:

    i just had a conversation with a guy friend about this. i personally still have my v- card because i have chosen abstinence. now i certainly don't encourage the whole hookup, one night stand thing, or that sex is just a biological function that people should enjoy and take lightly (simply because now days there are just so many risks that i am not willing or ready to take: STDs, HIV, a baby at 21) but i do agree that everyone should decide on their boundaries. just because so many people are how do you say, all up in each others other, does not mean you have to. i feel like so many of my college friends feel like they have to because supposedly it's what you're supposed to be doing in college. honestly just make sure you are happy with the decisions you make and if you ever do feel anything, even the tiniest inkling of regret or negativity about your decision then maybe you should not have done it, i mean we all have a conscience and we should all try to listen to it more. but don't dwell in the past because you can't change it, instead concentrate on your future decisions. btw i liked the Sex and the City analogy.

  13. Alex says:

    Damn, are people judgemental! I personally think that if you want to have one night stands, go for it. If you want to wait for a relationship, or even for marriage, go for it. As long as you're upfront with your partner(s) about your intentions, it's not hurting or helping anyone but yourself, so why the vicious comments? Let's stop tearing each other down, period.

    1. Jill says:

      Thank you! I'm disgusted by the amount of hate in these comments.

  14. S_cloud says:

    Dear ladies,

    I find this article very interesting, as it actually pertains to a research paper that I recently wrote for a psychology course. I learned a lot from reading plenty of empirical journal articles about casual sex and its effects on both males and females. The conclusion was that guys simply treat the whole situation differently than girls do. No matter how hard most women try to convince themselves that a one night stand is okay, the emotional side of them will tell them otherwise. While guys can compartmentalize feelings and sex, girls tend to pair them. That is why, many girls are left with the feelings of wanting something more (a relationship) after they have engaged in casual sex. I am not writing this post to bash people's choices in partaking in such behavior. I would simply like to say that there is plenty of evidence that states that women who choose to engage in casual sex are usually left feeling worse off after the encounter.

    1. mrawzors says:

      Obviously men and women have different responses, both emotional and physical, to casual sex. The idea that women are somehow more "emotional" when it comes to sex (and life in general) falls prey to the ideology that women are weak, emotional and frail, whereas men are strong, objective and hardy. I'm not saying that your sources are wrong, I'm saying that they are probably the result of A) the hidden biases among both the interviewers and interviewees (as a Soc major, I have done extensive research into how the behaviour of interviewers can affect the answers they receive) and B) the fact that the participants have been raised and socialized in an environment that dictates that men are objective, women are emotional. These studies simply reinforce the dominant paradigm, rather than looking beyond what is taken for granted and investigating what is actually happening. Just because women's brains release a certain hormone after sex does not mean that she will become emotionally invested in whomever she sleeps with.

  15. S_cloud says:

    It's not only about the fact that guys can more easily get away with it because society says so. Yes, that is true. However, there is also a more biological reason for this. Guys are less likely to dwell upon the fact that they will never see the girl again. They see casual sex as a boost for their social status. Although women may try to convince themselves that it is the same for them, it will be much more difficult for them to see the sex as being separate from attachment.

    Please think hard before deciding on having casual sex. Think about why you are doing it, and if it will really make you feel better afterwards. If you think that it will, just remember that plenty of women who have done it feel otherwise.

    Also, the Sex and the City reference made this article even less credible. That show is unbelievable as it is. I really don't think that a person should be making the choice of whether they should engage in casual sex based on fictional characters who spend their days shopping for Manolo Blahnik shoes, sipping cosmo's, and, well, having sex.

  16. Meg says:

    I think it's a great article. :) To the haters – what is your ranting going to do? It's never stopped anyone from having sex and getting an STI.

    Girls- as long as you can separate sex and love, you'll be alright. If you're hungry, eat! ;)

    1. Bonnie says:

      I love how people nowadays use euphemisms to make something as horrible as a venereal disease sound innocent and easy to fix (ie. sexually transmitted INFECTION) It went from venereal disease to sexually transmitted disease to a sexually transmitted infection. Does that make people feel better for having one? Most of these are not just infections. They are chronic or incurable diseases that will effect you for the rest of your life, or quite possibly take your life. So do everyone a favor and call it for what it is.

    2. Nneka says:

      Science has change it. Just like people are no longer called mentally retarded but the intellectually challenged. Science/society will always change the name for things to make them more politically correct.

  17. Disgusted says:

    Sure girls, sleep around all you want. Just don't be surprised when "Mr. Right" comes along and takes a pass. Men don't want a committed relationship with some amateur porn queen. Oh, and if you're thinking that you just won't tell him about your whorish past … the truth has a way of rising to the top eventually.

    1. sympathetic says:

      Clearly you are an unhappy person that needs to put other people down. Maybe you should try to find love?

    2. criolle johnny says:

      How dare you say what you feel! Can't you see that these women want to say what THEY feel and project that on men? The only feelings that matter are womens feelings!
      When a man says how he feels, women react by putting him down, as they did, or by telling him what a "compassionate" man "should" feel, as they did. What you actually do feel and how you actually do react is immaterial to these women. Those feelings have a way of shattering their fantasies.
      They just attacked you savagely for that. It can get worse.
      Then they'll write about how "people have rights" … except you.

    3. mike says:

      You are an idiot lost in the 70s and most men don't care about your past after all your past is what makes what you are today!

    4. Jill says:

      Actually, any man who is truly kind and compassionate will not overreact when a woman tells him that she's had multiple partners. The kind of man you're describing is not Mr. Right, not that there is such a thing.

      Instead of creating anger and hate, try some understanding.

  18. Anon says:

    Can we have an article about how it's okay if we want to wait for sex? Not necessarily until marriage, but until we're in a committed relationship with a guy we feel comfortable enough with. I'm sick of feeling like virginity is something I need to get rid off.

    1. anonymous1 says:

      i felt more pressure from girls to have sex than i felt from the guys i was not having sex with. i would say no, they would dump me, no harm, no foul, but then my friends would be all, but didn't you like him? they would tell me that i wasn't a grown woman til I had sex. girls put more emphasis on it than boys do.

    2. Rachel says:

      I feel the exact same way. As much as I'd like to have sex, I definitely want to be in a relationship with a guy I trust.

    3. darker says:

      VIRGINITY is agreeing to be dangerously, irresponsibly IGNORANT.
      You'll find out AFTER "your marriage" WHY and then it's too late.

    4. anon2 says:

      "Because when it comes down to it no one can set your boundaries for you but yourself. You define what is right and wrong for you, good and bad for you. You’re in control. And if you’re okay with it then just be okay with it. Don’t try to justify your actions or your reasons to anyone but yourself. If you’re okay with the way you live your life, then, really, that’s all that matters."

      this can apply to keeping your vriginity, too, you know.

  19. Autumn says:

    In addition to the above comment it has been proven that the rate of STI's and teen pregnancy is much, much more likely in states that do not promote a comprehensive sex ed. program.

  20. asd says:

    Uhm no. not everything you want is "ok"

  21. 76landon says:

    Why should you have to justify it (to yourself especially) when it's something so true and right?

  22. Fii says:

    If there was no such thing as babies or disease – then casual sex would be okay. But since there are, women really need to be careful and aware with who they have casual sex with. You never know when a condom will break or birth control will fail or when the morning after pill will not be available. Women especially are genetically designed to develop attachment to men they have sex with. That is why we receive their penis, as opposed to them receiving our vagina. Many women do not realize how casual sex affects them because they are too busy trying to claim that they are liberated and that they can have sex just like a man. But it does. Every time you have sex with someone, you give them apart of you – which is why people say that when you have sex with someone, you have sex with everyone they'd had sex with. I personally don't judge people who have casual sex, everyone is entitled to their lifestyle. But to go around saying that casual sex does not have consequences, even if you don't get pregnant or catch something is very irresponsible. I stumbled upon this article through and just a few weeks ago a girl who is used to have casual sex posted on Lovelyish about how she now has feelings for a man that she would like a relationship with but she has no idea how to go about that because she's only used to having meaningless sex with men she doesn't care about. And that is not the first time I've heard that story. I'm sure casual sex is fun and exciting, but eventually you will have to deal with the consequences of it. If you're prepared for that, then by all means. But if you don't even realize that there are consequences, you might want to keep those legs shut until you do.

  23. Audrey says:

    Oh and just to clarify, the portion of my first post in the quotes, was not meant to be a serious accusation. It was to signify that when you have this mindset it's like an advertisement to guys that you're easy. Whether you think guys shouldn't have that mindset, or that it is "perpetuating a double standard", well, read my above post.

    1. Jenn - Wagner College says:

      Honestly Audrey, whether it was directed at me specifically or at women in general the comment was still extremely disrespectful. It's a broad generalization and a judgement and it makes me cringe for a lot of "bra burning, feminist rallying" reasons I'm not going to get into right now.

      And as for the rest of your point, I understand what you're saying, really I do. But I don't think you understand my argument. It's not "men can sleep around so why can't women?". Its not about men at all. Its about women being able to make choices for themselves, without worrying about the opinions of other men or other women. And as far as the opinions of men go, I'd like to believe that no man worth getting serious with would hold a woman's past sexual partners against her. Because not only would that be perpetuating the double standard we like to talk about, but also because I'd like to think he'd be more concerned with her commitment to their relationships, and all the other qualities that you described in your first comment, which she can still have, even if she does have casual sex.

  24. Ange says:

    This is disturbing. And then we wonder why STD and pregnancy rates are high. Bravo!

    1. lindseytinsey says:


  25. Iris says:

    So, your argument is that if you want it, than you should have it..?

    So, pedophilia and beastiality are okay? I mean, after all..they want it. Right?

    1. Alll says:

      That makes no sense. This article is abut casual sex is between two CONSENTING people. Pedophilia and beastiality are obviously not consenting or legal. Casual sex is legal, therefore your argument is invalid.

  26. maritza says:

    except, what about us single women (22 years old, in my case) who actually WANT to keep our legs closed until we're in a committed relationship? I'm sick of feeling like the entire culture thinks I'm a defective, repressed, prudish weirdo. I'm sick of being told that it's unnatural or a product of some oppressive patriarchal phallocracy for a woman to want (or, of course, "think she wants") to wait for the right guy at the right time.

  27. Jill says:

    I think that all the slut-shaming going on in the comments is what the article is about.

    The article is not promoting going out and screwing around all the time.

    It's saying, if you want to have sex with someone and you do it safely and responsibly, you don't need to feel guilty for doing it.

    Instead of shaming others for responsibly having sex with someone, maybe the haters should be a little introspective as to why they are such a judgemental person.

    1. Jenn - Wagner College says:

      Thank you! That really was what ?I was trying to get across!

  28. bill says:

    take in all the dick you want girls.

  29. johnd says:

    I am going to make up a new religion to stop this. I have a need to tell everyone else how to live.

  30. kmiller says:

    If you're cringing at the thought of you last sexual fling, doesn't that indicate that it is NOT right for you? Guilt at the thought of it is different than embarrassment/shame when your friends find out and call you names. That visceral reaction probably lines up with your own internal moral code and should be a barometer for future decisions…

  31. […] 8. Casual sex isn’t a bad thing. […]

  32. josephine says:

    This is not spot on. This is stupid

    You base this entire article on the assumption that the girl WANTED to have casual sex. Not always the case.

    What about the girls who did NOT want casual sex? The ones who got a bit too drunk and made a bad decision that in retrospect, makes them feel guilty. In that case, it is perfectly OKAY to experience the guilt, to reflect, and to move forward. Only then can someone who really did not want the casual sex learn to make better choices that they will be happier with.

  33. […] casual sex is a perfectly valid lifestyle choice and there’s no reason to be ashamed, so I fully support taking as many steps as you can to ensure it is as enjoyable as it can be. The […]

  34. […] Casual sex is okay. And you know what makes it okay? The fact that you wanted to have casual sex. Read more… Posted in […]

  35. rk11 says:

    overall, casual sex should not be okay if you are doing it for self-esteem or social status reasons….male or female.

  36. […] So I want to talk to you ladies about one night stands. Casual sex. Hookups. Booty calls. Those guys you sleep with once and probably never see again. The reason I want to talk to you girls about this is because a lot of you are probably cringing right now, recalling your last one night stand, the last time you slept with a guy and then walked home in last night’s clothes, the last time you had casual sex and then felt guilty about it. In fact you’re probably feeling guilty all over again right now. And I want to tell you to stop. Stop cringing. Stop feeling guilty. Stop second guessing and over thinking and feeling bad about yourself. Because you know what? Casual sex is okay. And you know what makes it okay? The fact that you wanted to have casual sex. Read more… […]

  37. Angie says:

    i got herpes from my one semi-casual fling. He was a friend of my best gf who i went to stay with for three days. i met him, and he swept me off my feet. now…. well, i wish i hadn't. I have generally a week immune system and have problems with outbreaks. i can never have even semi casual sex again. i have to have a serious talk with every guy. and i have to know many would probably walk away. i think i met the most amazing guy ever. but he is a virgin. and i can't help imagining him saying goodbye over this

  38. Jen says:

    You are right on with your whole story. The only person who you need to please is the person in the mirror. Many times we as women want to do things but we worry what other people will say. If we spent more time doing or not doing what we wanted there would be less regret. Your Sex in the City reference was spot on. It is a great example. If someone thinks that credibility is lost because of using a very popular show as an example then they don't have a clue. I am 30 years old and had my fun times. Learning your boundaries is something that will occur with experience and time in learning yourself as a woman.

  39. […] So I want to talk to you ladies about one night stands. Casual sex. Hookups. Booty calls. Those guys you sleep with once and probably never see again. The reason I want to talk to you girls about this is because a lot of you are probably cringing right now, recalling your last one night stand, the last time you slept with a guy and then walked home in last night’s clothes, the last time you had casual sex and then felt guilty about it. In fact you’re probably feeling guilty all over again right now. And I want to tell you to stop. Stop cringing. Stop feeling guilty. Stop second guessing and over thinking and feeling bad about yourself. Because you know what? Casual sex is okay. And you know what makes it okay? The fact that you wanted to have casual sex. Read more… […]

  40. lindseytinsey says:

    This is a bit disgsusting… I read another article on this site 25 things to do before you turn 25. The first 2 were "have a one night stand" and "do an illegal drug". WOW. All right… not even a mention of AIDS, HIV, STD's, going to prison, etc. Think about what you put out there for young women such as myself. I feel like you're encouraging me to act like a drunk, drugged up whore who has no self respect.
    I'm really only posting this here because I couldn't find the comment section in the other article. I just think you need to encourage women to be classy and fun not slutty and silly.

  41. Self says:

    Women should be selective about who they let into their bodies. It's frightening that women will let strange men casually enter them when they are more selective about who they let into their homes.

  42. says:

    Personally, I am still a virgin and at the moment I choose to abstain from sex. I haven't decided yet if I am waiting for a committed relationship or marriage, but I could definitely never have a one night stand. And I acknowledge that this may sound judgmental, but I dont respect the decision of women or men to have casual sex. I think sex is meant to be a natural act of love. From what I got from this article the author seems to say to girls that it is okay to live in the moment. Yeah sex may be pleasurable for a while but is it really worth giving yourself to someone that you dont seek an ongoing relationship with?

  43. says:

    It is obviously a choice and girls can do whatever they want with their bodies. And I understand that casual sex is seen as liberating for women. But there is no morality in it. Just because a person doesn't feel bad about their decision doesn't make it right. I think people who give it up that easily are the ones who can not resist temptation and do not care about themselves enough to think they are better than a one night stand and deserve more from a partner. Anyone can get laid. And I mean anyone. But it takes a stronger person to realize they don't need to get their gratification from sex with random individuals.

  44. Nneka says:

    STI's are on the rise because people make stupid decisions and don't always act safely during sex, also people do many other things to get HIV (like sharing needles for drugs) it's not just sex. I don't believe this article is advocating sex with a perfect stranger; it's just stating that you don't have to be in a relationship. All this judgement going on is what leads people to feel ashamed about their sexuality when they shouldn't be.

    Everyone is assuming the author meant pure strangers. What about the people that have casual sex with someone they know and trust? Am I more of a slut because I slept with my best friend from childhood and enjoyed it, but have no intentions on dating him or pursuing him romantically? No, I made a choice. I acted safely and I enjoyed myself. I am a grown woman who is capable of making her own choices and living with the consequences. I have no guilt about what I did, in fact sometimes I completely forget about that one night stand. If I feel no shame or guilt about it than where does anyone else get off telling me I did something wrong?

    As for the virgins commenting, I saved my virginity for quite some time and I never felt rushed or pressured because I believed what this article is advocating between its lines: that it is MY CHOICE! No one has the right to judge your choices as long as you are ok with them. This also relates to casual sex. Be safe and know what you will be ok. Even if you think casual sex is not the right choice for you, knowing your boundaries helps you grow as a person.

  45. Ava says:

    This is off-topic but I don't have people to ask really. Recently finished college, led a quiet life until fourth year when I decided to go out. I haven't had sex yet, I am fine with that, but I started to dance with guys in clubs ("grinding") as the people I was hanging out with were and I wanted to try it. Do people still dance like that when they are 21? I had fun and enjoyed myself although I did feel a little weird too, but I don't know if it's also immature and just being a tease. I hang out with different people–people who go to clubs and people who don't, and I don't know what I think is right for me.

  46. Fabion says:

    It's simple really. From my experience, people who have sex with random people don't ever do it b/c they're "single and fabulous!", because the pleasure derived from sex can be had alone. If sex was only about physical feeling, we wouldn't need to have sex at all. There are vibrators, and flesh lights, and dildos, and porn for the physical pleasure. We have sex for the closeness and intimacy whether people want to admit it or not. The fact that you can just do that with that many people is mad weird to me. I've had casual sex(I'm a guy BTW), I've had one night stands, I've had sex with people I don't care about, and I always felt terrible afterward and had to rationalize to myself why I did it so I felt better(much like this article is doing). The fact remains, if I have sex with someone and look over the next morning and feel nothing and feel as if "you know, if this girl dies on her way home, I probably wouldn't even read the obituary," I feel empty afterwards. It's a terrible feeling. It's probably when I feel most alone.

  47. Aj says:

    LMAO at the lady who said that STD’s or “STI’s” or pregnancy werent around “back when women had respect for themselves”

    You are ignorant if you really believe that.

    Back then if you got pregnant, YOU WERE SHIPPED AWAY.
    Whereas now young teen moms stay at home.

    And if you had an std or sti WHATEVER, you probably didnt tell anyone.

    I know this is late, but that was ignorant.

    && everyone else is just arguing over thier beliefs. Why bother? You dont need to prove anything to each other!

  48. Che says:

    I thought I was weird for feeling the same way as you do. At least that's what my friends would tell me, especially since i'm a single guy and supposedly should be all about casual sex. Thanks for articulating my thoughts.

  49. Mumi says:

    Cheap whore trying to make money using her body. I don’t beileve they let her record songs. The director didn’t see by his brain lol The words doesn’t have any meaning.. This can be a Porn movie Start music it will make a hit lol.

  50. choms says:

    for me i can have sex anytime i feel like,
    Most of these gals are against casual sex because of fear of these STDS&HIV Thing..+unwanted pregnancy..thats y they choose to abstain or prolong time be4 having sex..this way they can get to know the men they have a little more and gain trust in them..nt because they hold self respect

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