When it comes to wooing the opposite sex, men have it easy. As far as I know, they approach you and whip out the pick-up line. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.
Women on the other hand, play a whole different game. Sometimes it seems as if our entire existence is based on impressing a guy. And it’s exhausting. We don’t think about it often (or we argue that we’re doing these things for ourselves as much as for the men), but when you stop and take notice of all the things we do to woo the gentlemen, well, it’s absurd:
1. Padded Bras
Guys have been trained to like a nice set of boobs, and women have been trained to do anything to give them to them. Hell, that must be Victoria’s Secret. But push-up bras are often uncomfortable, expensive and so. effing. hard. to wash without totally ruining them. And yet we wear them. All the time. In fact, you’re probably wearing one right now.
2. High Heels
Although I do enjoy how I feel when I slip on some pumps and strut my shiz at the bar, I don’t enjoy the throbbing blisters that plague me. And they always plague me. But I wear those torture devices every weekend anyway, because while it would be far more comfortable, there’s nothing sexy to the campus boys about a pair of worn-in sweatpants and some flip flops.
3. Waiting to Respond
In a feeble attempt to seem mysterious/extremely busy/cool, girls will often wait to respond to a text or a phone call from a guy. Although realistically, we’re counting down every waking minute as we run through a million response options, asking our friends (again and again) which one would be the wittiest/cutest to send when the time is right. And then asking them when that time actually is so we don’t seem either pathetic or like we’re blowing them off.
4. Eating Salad (Instead of Something Tastier)
I love me a good burger, but I know I think twice before ordering one on a first date with a guy. We want guys to think we are dainty little things who eat like bunnies, not like frat boys, so we sacrifice our own culinary happiness. And only eat half. Then we go home and scarf down a bag of chips in the privacy of our own bedroom while dissecting the entire evening with our girlfriends.
Let’s be honest, we aren’t letting someone wax in there for our own benefit.
6. Playing the Jealousy Game
Even though he is the only man for us, we don’t want him to think he’s the only man who can have us. So we go out of our way to flirt with other guys and make sure he see’s it. It’ll make him want us more, right?
7. Pretending to Like His Music/TV Shows/Sports Team
To you, watching professional baseball is like watching paint dry. And you think Dave Matthews is the most over-rated songwriter on earth. And Indian food? You’d rather eat ramen noodles than even try some of that curry stuff. But once Mr. Right walks in, you’re chowing down on Na’an while studying the Yankees line-up with DMB playing in the background just so you can keep up the ruse.
Get it? Got it? Good. Want some more? Don’t worry, there are plenty more faves where this came from.