Ask a Dude: Does He Notice My Imperfections?

By The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall?  We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

Dear Dude,
I have recently found a new guy that I really like and now things are getting exciting in the bedroom department. However, I am very self conscious about my body and I always tend to stop things before they go any further. I would just like to know that if guys pay attention to those things. Like, does he notice my cellulite? The extra weight on my thighs? I know this seems like a ridiculous question, but it’s sorta paralyzing me and I don’t know what to do.

Thank you,
Totally Self Conscious

Dear Totally Self-Conscious,

I can tell you the truth or I can tell you what you want to hear.

Look, a guy’s going to look at all your naughty bits when the brassiere and bottoms come off. We like to. We love to. We have to? It might be a complex (or just, you know, loneliness, horniness, and having relied on porn to see naked women for so long). Does that mean you should be self-conscious? Shoot, you wouldn’t be human if you weren’t…or you’d just be a really super confident one (possibly deluded). It seems to me that a lot of people, no matter what the plumbing, get a little antsy when it’s time to unveil.

In a culture bombarded with images like Heidi Klum’s I’m-still-fabulous-after-four-kids-bitches body it’s not always easy to feel sexy when you haven’t been to the gym since W. was in office. And you live on a diet of Ramen and Domino’s. Fret not, though. How he sees you is completely connected to how you see yourself, or at least how you can convince him you see yourself.

Think sexy, be sexy. It’s not The Secret, it’s psyching yourself up. When it comes to the boudoir, confidence is always sexier (unless you’re playing a dom-sub game). Plus: he’s pictured you naked. He’s taken every subtle (and not so subtle, sorry gals, we’re not exactly ninjas) chance to look down your cleavage and trace the shape of your behind with his eyes. His expectations are actually working for you. Let them.

One idea I can give you to help boost your confidence is to take a long look in the mirror naked. Don’t judge what you see, just look. Take in how beautiful you are. Take stock in and relish what you’ve got. You’ve obviously got something he likes. Find it. Try to see yourself for who you are rather who you’re building yourself up to be. Self-image is self-generated and self-perpetuated. Being comfortable with your body might mean changing your self-image. The quickest and most impactful way to alter that is to strip away your fears and love the facts.

On top of that, try to be on top of the situation next time you’re thinking of getting on top of him. Either buy or wear your favorite underwear. Make sure the next time you’re going to play hide the key that you’re in a place you feel comfortable in. Hell, adjust the freaking lighting. Why not? If it allows you to find your mojo then do it.

Your self-protection sounds like it’s becoming self-sabotage. He will notice and start to prod why you’re attempting to shower with your clothes on. Don’t drop the boy because you’re nervous about dropping the blouse. You’ve got him wanting more. In his mind’s eye you’ve already delivered. Usually people make a mountain out of a mole hill. Don’t. Have fun.

Remember, he’s still got to do a Full Monty for you, too. And let’s face it, a naked woman is sexy, a naked man is funny.  Well think it about, it just hangs there like some kind of…(FADE TO BLACK ON CONVERSATION)

Doing my little turn on the catwalk,
The Dude

[Isn't he amazeballs? Sigh, we know. Too bad he's taken. Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]