I’m not too embarrassed to admit that I was an absolute Sweet Valley FANATIC growing up.  I’m not even above admitting that I read (and re-read) the books well into my high school and college years. While my classmates were devouring legit literature, I, the budding writer, was absolutely engrossed in the lives of two irritatingly perfect California blondes.

So you can probably imagine just how excited I was about Sweet Valley Confidential, the sequel to the iconic Sweet Valley High series and an account of what takes place “ten years later.”  The novel catches up with identical twins Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield as they navigate life on separate coasts at the age of twenty-seven.

I wish I could say that Sweet Valley Confidential doesn’t disappoint…. but that would be like saying Gossip Girl hasn’t disappointed me greatly this season.   Maybe it has something to do with my post-collegiate, highly evolved and remarkably sophisticated taste in books (yeah, right) – but I have a feeling that my discontent with this book stems from the fact that the writing is just plain awkward.  Francine Pascal is an absolute genius for creating the world of Sweet Valley, but she did the right thing by hiring a team of ghostwriters to put her idea into words.  Pascal’s writing tries too hard to do two things at once: write ornate prose and adopt vapid, twenty-first century teen speak  (do we really abuse the word “like” THAT much?). Read More »

So apparently, you can be TOO old to smoke pot

Can a fake couple have a fake breakup?

Guess which action star used to have this hair

These Shirley Temple cupcakes sound super yummy

Is he sexy or does he have sex appeal

Here’s a Friday treat: hot guys with cute animals

WHOA…this tri-quel is actually happening?!

In just 2 weeks, Prince William (AKA. the one that got away) is going to marry Kate Middleton in front of a global audience. Before you shed a tear for the loss of your happily ever after with the future King of England, you might want to take a moment to get to know Kate Middleton, the lucky bitch who got herself a Prince.

After all, Prince Harry (hubba hubba) is still available and you gotta know exactly what it takes to lure him in.

Lesson 18: Singlehood Doesn’t Care About Your Life Plan

When I was a freshman in high school I used to imagine myself in college, in a sorority, with a steady boyfriend and size 32 D boobs. But as a current college junior, I currently have none of those things. Once I got to college, after a brief stint with an all-girl spirit group, I realized girl groups just weren’t for me. As a proud dating and single life blogger, I certainly don’t have the steady boyfriend I thought I’d have by now and as for the last thing, well let’s just say my boobs never got exactly where I hoped they’d be. When I look back on the goals the high school version of me set for myself, I can’t help but wonder if I’d be as happy living out those goals as I am with my life the way it is now.

While your life plan may not be the same as it was back in high school or even since your freshman year in college, it’s crucial to keep in mind that life doesn’t care about your plan and neither does single life.

We set goals to ensure that we’ll be happy in the future and when those goals don’t happen, we can almost guarantee that we’ll be disappointed. So basically these goals, designed to facilitate happiness, can be one of the leading things that make us miserable in our lives. Goals are great. Clinging on to them desperately and refusing to adapt to the curve balls life throws your way? Not so great.

Read More »

If you’ve been neglecting the news in favor if E! and had your homepage set to Perez since forever ago, you may not have heard that there’s a very good chance the government is going to be shutting down tonight. If you’re rolling your eyes and thinking this doesn’t matter to your life, think again.

Here are five reasons why you should care–and how the shut down of the Federal Government is going to affect you. Which it will.

1. Once the government shuts down, all official offices will be closed, including the sector responsible for travel visas and passports. So all you kids with upcoming study abroad prospects, great summer vacation plans or those of you with expired visas and hopes of a quick trip to Canada (for some legal 19-year-old drinking) can kiss that all good bye.

2. When the IRS closes, they won’t be able to send out that tax refund you’ve been setting aside for cute new spring dresses to rock to class once it warms up. Sure, the post office will still get packages out, but what good is online shopping if you can’t pay for it?

3. If your parents work for the government they’ll be sent home, without pay. Or worse, they might be asked to come in and work for free. Federal employees aren’t just senators and representatives, but account for 4.4 million employees. Check out this HUGE list of all the jobs that are funded by the government.

4. Military personnel will go unpaid. Know someone abroad fighting for our freedom? Apparently that sacrifice isn’t enough. Now they’ll be serving for free until this is resolved.

5. The EPA will cease cleaning up toxic waste sites once offices close on Friday. Yum, toxins in my Nalgene seem like a fun change.

Both sides are arguing about where and how to spend funds, and wasted time and failed negations have left us with only hours until the deadline. Among those issues are the Republicans’ aim to defund Planned Parenthood and refuse to approve a budget that includes Planned Parenthood, which provides healthcare to thousands of low-income women and children.

So, unfortch we’re a week into April and it’s still cold. Which really puts a kerfuffle in your plans to wear your newest spring purchases. Colorful spring tops, shorts, peep toe pumps, cute spring dresses and springy cardigans are all sitting in your closet watching you take your same black wool sweater and boots out day after day. But like those cute puppies that never get adopted, they want some love too. Only the words ‘frost’ and ‘bite’ don’t sound so appealing, so you let your spring wardrobe sit and collect dust.

But fear not. I am here to save the day (and your wardrobe boredom)!

You can put your heavy winter things away -they’ve seen enough light of day for the year – and start pulling out those fun spring additions! By pairing them with the right things to keep you warm but the look springy, you will look fresh, cute, and ready for some sunshine. Read More »

I apologize to those of you who just threw up in your mouth. But look at the bright side – at least this isn’t your mother.

Although, don’t get too excited about that silver lining because she is the mother of four human beings. At least we’re assuming that they’re human beings. I suppose that when you have fangs and horns, you could possibly give birth to the Antichrist. But let’s not worry about that. Let’s just assume they are human children and worry about them.

Just imagine if that was the face waking you up for school every day. Or worse, if that was the face yelling at you for staying out past your curfew. Suddenly your mom’s insistence on wearing skorts isn’t that embarrassing.

Get the full story on the Vampire Woman here.

If you own jeans like this, burn them. Now.

Dear Mom Version of Me,

As you might remember, back in 2010 Nick Cannon knocked up Mariah “I love butterflies and my cleavage” Carey….with twins. As you’ve probably tried so hard to forget, the musical duo decided to commemorate the occasion with nude pictures. (Check out the full story here...if you dare.) Yeah, sorry for reminding you.

Barely unable to keep down my breakfast after hearing this, I decided that for the sake of my unborn children I should make a list of every awkward and embarrassing idea that might seem rational when I’m a (HOT!) mom, but in reality will scar my child for eternity.

Please read this and be advised. Also, for the love of god, please be married, successful and over 30. Thank you.

1. Elastic waist pants. I understand the allure of pants without zippers; I own leggings for goodness sake. Once you reach mom status, it’s time to embrace a flattering fit with structure, because Tina Fey was serious when she talked about Mom Jeans. They’re really, really bad.

2. Minivans. Please don’t ever, EVER purchase a minivan. Besides the fact that they’re impossible to see over for other drivers, and look like giant marshmallows barreling down the highway, I cannot accept the fact that I will ever need to herd a group of children around in 4-row monstrosity. Let’s keep motherhood real in something easier to park, thank you very much. Read More »

There are two types of drinkers: The kind that can handle their liquor, and the kind that can’t. The kind of drunk who is the life of the party, and the kind the party wants to punch in the face.

What kind of person are you?

Annoying drunk people…

Feel the need to scream, “Omigod! I’m soooo drunk!” It’s not an Olympic sport. You don’t get a medal if you blow a .20 at the end of the night.

Feel the need to deny their drunkenness. They fall into walls and slur “I’m totally fine!” before they reach for a bottle of Bud Lite/Jager/Windex/anything, to prove that they can handle even more.

Avoid being an annoying drunk by going with the flow and hanging out. No need to announce your current level of intoxication, or how sober you think you are.

Annoying drunk people…

Need to be the center of attention by screaming, dancing on tables, and giving other partygoers a general headache. “We’re going streaking!” is only funny when it’s Will Ferrell.

Can’t help but be the center of attention by getting over-emotional and crying. Extra annoying points when they lock themselves in bathrooms and demand consolation from their best friend for hours, thereby ruining the non-annoying best friend’s night.

Read More »

This JWoww news will HORRIFY YOU

10 spring bags that won’t break the bank

Behind the scenes of Hollywood’s latest girl power action flick

If they remade When Harry met Sally (seriously hilarious!)

Blissfully unaware that you are ORANGE

The morning after…

The ten types of sex dreams

Haven’t seen the Paltrow kids in awhile

The Olsens are BACK in the news

Um, yeah, Russian Fashion Week looks weirddd