Ask a Dude: I Just Want to Lose My Virginity Already!

Hi Dude,

I’m finishing up my sophomore year in college and I’m STILL a virgin. I’m not the prettiest pumpkin in the patch, but I’m not unattractive either. I’m confident and kind, and I’m not at all clingy. To be honest, I  haven’t had very many (zero) serious relationships. But also, I don’t want my first time to be a fairytale… A wham-bam-thankya-ma’am would be fine. Just, ANYTHING. But, I can’t, like, go out and act all slutty, go home with some guy and then be like, “Oh, by the way, I’m a virgin.” But I can’t not tell him either… because then what happens when he goes for it, things get all bloody, or I scream or something?

I need help, Dude. My gut tells me that I should chat up one of my guy friends and be like, “Hey, I’m tired of being a virgin, so, let’s f*ck.” Although, that could end horribly.

Bottom line, I want to get this over with so I can start having fun. Please, Dude, tell me how to go about this. (With hopefully as little drama as possible.)

Thank you!!!
– The Twenty Year Old Virgin

Dear The Twenty Year Old Virgin,

How to lose a virginity in 9 steps:

1. Start with the mantra: “I will lose my virginity.” Repeat 10 times daily.

2. Go to a public place where eligible heterosexual males are known to socialize.

3. Pick out one of these males that has strayed from a pack of several (unless you are likewise in a pack, in which case you may all approach together or divide and conquer as a unit)

Optional: Order and consume alcoholic beverages together.

4. Say to said male: “Want to get out of here?”

5. Take him to a private location.

6. Have condoms on you of various sizes.

7. Make the first move.

8. Don’t stop making moves.

9. Break hymen.

It doesn’t have to be a bigger deal than that if you want to git ‘er done. But it sounds to me that by trying so hard to treat it like it’s nothing, you’re actually building it up into a big ass something.

Notice in my 9 steps 2 things were missing: the male mentioned was NOT a friend. Second, there was no point where a confession was made that you’re a virgin. Because the former leads to Gossip Girl-esque drama and the latter is nobody’s f*cking business but yours.

If you bleed? So be it. If you scream? So what? You don’t have to “warn” a guy that you’re a virgin. If you’d feel more comfortable telling him that you are, then of course do that. But you do not need to wear a scarlet V on your little black dress.

There are plenty of young twentysomethings who haven’t turned in their V-card yet. Ladies and men. I’ve known plenty of so-called “pretty” girls that for one reason or another haven’t gotten laid and girls who you wouldn’t go near with a 20 foot pole covered in Lysol that have a stable of stallions to choose from. The underlying factor: confidence. And what’s the key to confidence? Accepting who you are and who you aren’t.

If it’s not a big deal then the next guy you talk up and get the urge to hump, take initiative. To 4 out of 5 guys at 1am on a Friday/Saturday night, “let’s get outta here” is an offer they can’t refuse. It really can be that simple, if you want it to be.

On the other hand, if this is about your comfort then spend a little time working on that. Embrace your virginity! Love it, lick it, touch it, feel it, take it for a walk, write it a song, break it’s heart, make a new heart, just don’t make it something it’s not: a freak flag.

And, if you’re concerned about a guy freaking out over waking up to soiled sheets then get yourself a battery operated fantasy friend and break it yourself (while having so much fun you may question why a man’s necessary in the first place). Really, though, that sorta stuff isn’t as common as you think.

Don’t sweat being virtuous. It’s as big of a deal as you make it. And if others try to give you s*it over it, drop ‘em faster than Lindsay dropped boys. Losing it is all a matter of opportunity meets preparedness. Either make your own or wait for the right one to come along. The gate swings both ways.

Flying the flag proud,
El Dude de Guadalupe

[Isn’t he amazeballs? Sigh, we know. Too bad he’s taken. Check out The Dude’s other insights into the male mind right here.]

Oh, and while we’re on the subject, what is virginity, anyway?



    1. Britney says:

      Yeah, I know how much you may want to lose your virginity. When I lost it, I knew ahead of time it was going to happen, and just felt…ready.

      I went on the pill.
      I bought a vibrator and broke it myself (and it bled A LOT). But also, it got me more comfortable with the idea, so I believe it's a good things for all girls to have.
      I knew the night I was going to "do it." I prepared myself mentally ahead of time. I was seeing a guy at the time, casually, and told him right before he went in lol.

      I recommend hooking up with one guy and getting to know him before doing it with just anyone. Be prepared though, that guy may not stick around after the first time (that is what happened to me). He said he just got too weirded out, and that hurt A LOT. But do I regret doing it with him? No. At the time I liked him, we were hooking up, and I've known him for over a year.

      Losing your virginity isn't a huge deal- and I waited til 21- and still know a lot of virgins now at 22. You can wait as LONG as you want! But if you want to do it, it's very simple to find ANY guy who wants sex.

      Good luck!

    2. Mandy says:

      Hunny, i'm 22 with my V-card; and are having a blast in life. Fun is what you make of it, so why the big hurry? you only live once, so enjoy it while you can.

    3. Guest says:

      How do you plan to screen him for STDs, you know, the ones that condoms don't protect you from? (HPV, the cause of cervical cancer, for example). Be smart, honey.

    4. jesse says:

      i definitely felt the same way you do. i'm the same, at the end of my sophomore year of college, and i lost my virginity like 6 months ago. i felt rushed, but made it my number one rule to not lose it to a d*bag- cause i mean, you don't want stds right? and i mean come on, the d*bags are also the ones that will do anything that moves. sooo i ended up going on a couple dates with this one guy and within a month of knowing him i lost it to him. it just felt like it was ok with this guy. like @britney i told him right before he went in lol. but for me no bleeding or anything; mine probably broke from my awesomely heavy periods (-.-). and now here i am, in a serious relationship with the guy. who would've thought?

      hope everything works out!

    5. […] my deep interest in sex, I knew I wasn’t ready to engage yet (unlike others). I was waiting for someone I could trust. Someone who would grab breakfast with me in the dining […]

    6. Manu says:

      H ai ,You know In India ,Virginity is a pure thing,not any girl like to break it before the marige,but now the situation is changed,.In ur case please choose a goog guy have respect about sex and trty what u want,

    7. S says:

      Sometimes losing your virginity can seem like a bigger deal the more you build it up. I was 20 when I lost mine, and it was to one of my pretty good friends. We are actually a lot closer friends now, but not interested in dating or anything like that. It was a good experience for me, and losing my virginity definitely gave me the self confidence I needed to become a better person.

    8. UtterAngel says:

      Honestly the whole hymen thing, don't be embarrassed. I mean bleeding will pretty much tip him off that you're a virgin but oh well, if whatever guy you pick wants to sleep with you he can deal with a little blood. I bled the first time too but I was luckily/unluckily incredibly drunk and have no recollection of actually bleeding so I didn't have to worry about being embarrassed. I was the next day though but not in the moment. Don't do it with a friend at all simply because if you want to stay friends, then that's a big no no. If you don't want to stay friends and you're cool with the relationship ending, then why sleep with him? Attractiveness has little to do with it, it's true, be confident, just relax and have fun, and show interest. Maybe the guys you're interested in can't really tell so they don't make the first move. And if it doesn't happen, don't let your age or year in college determine when to have sex. Odds are the first time will be a little underwhelming and not live up to what you think sex is. But that's just the first time. Good luck, and definitely use condoms. Birth control and condoms together would be smartest, but for sure condoms. You don't want to be so eager to get this over with you hook up with the wrong guy and get an STD.

    9. Guest says:

      I'm almost 24 and… yep. Still a virgin. I went through a phase where I definitely thought, "Can I PLEASE get rid of this already?", but then I realized something: I don't regret who I didn't do. When I think back to the guys I liked in high school, or even the earlier years of college, there are only a few who I still consider to be attractive and decent men. If I had lost my virginity to one of the others, I'm not sure how I'd deal with that regret. I'm saying you should wait, and think out your decision. I'm not entirely sure I'm going to wait until I'm married to lose my v-card, but I'm waiting for a steady relationship in which both of us are equally invested. But then again, I probably will just wait until I'm married. I've held onto it for this long, why not just go for the gold?

    10. Mandy says:

      I'm really young and I want to lose mine. In my mind its not going to be a fairy tale no matter who your with the first time so I think that it will just be easier to get all of the awkwardness of not knowing what I'm doing out of the way early. Am I totally wrong??

      1. Jeff says:

        If u want, I can help u with that. I could make it the best that it could be.

    11. atc says:

      Just make the guy in step number 3 is me.

      In all seriousness, I'm a 22 year old virgin. Not unattractive or anything, just really quiet and shy (I think this has been the dealbreaker for me)-I get impatient some nights and regret some hints towards iniations I didn't make back in highschool >_<…but then realize most of those girls ended up being pregnant at 16-17 and I probably got myself out of a place I DEFINITELY wasn't ready for yet. Society really frowns upon us, but they're probably jealous giblet heads. We'll just hang in there and some day it'll feel "right".

    12. raaj says:

      i m raaj,,22 yr old..Anyone who want to loose their virginity.Plz cntct me cause i m also virgin..And i dn’t want loose it with a known plz mail

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