Sexy Time: Abstaining is not Abnormal

May 12, 2011 9:00 am     Posted in Sex  Jasmine R. g+ page

There is this pervasive notion that everyone in college is obsessed with sex, that every social interaction begins with “hello” and ends with both parties naked and entwined. The “college hookup culture” rhetoric makes it sound like we all graduate with a degree, an STD, and a pregnancy scare under our belts from all our years of constant promiscuity.


By Jasmine R.

In reality, though hook ups are common, an increased number of students are identifying as virgins. As much as I love talking about sex, and how amazing it can be, I totally acknowledge abstinence as a legitimate choice. For much of my college life, I was practicing abstinence. Contrary to stale stereotypes, I wasn’t a sullen, judgmental prude waiting for the perfect man to marry me before I gave it up. I was sex-positive, make out-friendly, and always looked forward to Sunday mornings so I could live vicariously through my friends’ recaps of their sexcapades.

Despite my deep interest in sex, I knew I wasn’t ready to engage yet (unlike others). I was waiting for someone I could trust. Someone who would grab breakfast with me in the dining hall a couple of times a week, who would respond to my texts in a reasonably timely fashion, who I could have the “let’s get tested” convo with, who would be there for me if I did get pregnant and would be a source of support for me while I figured out what my next course of action would be.  And I just wasn’t coming across dudes who fit that description.

I’m a sensitive, emotionally-driven woman.  I was distraught when I kissed a guy and then he would proceed to pretend I fell off the earth. The idea of actually having sex with someone who would then refuse to acknowledge my existence was just unbearable to me.  I wasn’t begrudging of my friends who were able to hook up with whatever random cutie they found at the bar, or my friends who snagged amazingly kind guys. I was totally comfortable with the path I chose.

And that’s the most important thing.

Really, whenever you’re having sex, you should be completely at peace with your decision to do so. Abstinence is a totally commendable option for college students. We all have different comfort levels, and none of us should be stigmatized for our personal choices, especially if we’re not harming anyone else.

12 Comments on "Sexy Time: Abstaining is not Abnormal"

  1. Suzee says:
    Thu, 12th May 20112:11 pm 

    i agree with the above comment. Not what they said is mean, but generally absitenent means until marriage! I liked the article though. So many people don't get that I want to wait and I'm tired of hearing their comments that i should just lose it :/

  2. Jen says:
    Thu, 12th May 20114:10 pm 

    Abstinence=the act of abstaining. Sexual abstinence=abstaining from sex…don't see marriage in there anywhere…

  3. Heather says:
    Thu, 12th May 20115:25 pm 

    Ya I have to agree with Jen, I really think waiting until marriage is not the only defining factor of abstinence. Abstaining can be the choice of someone who has already experienced sex as well. I have a friend that has been having sex since she was 16 but now at the age of 20 she hasn't had sex in almost a year and a half and that has been her choice.

  4. Melissa says:
    Fri, 13th May 201112:22 am 

    I am in the same boat as you. I am not a prude, but I know myself, and wouldn't be able to handle being so emotionally tied to someone and then being left in the dust. Thanks for this article! It's nice to know people like us aren't alone.

  5. me'lisa says:
    Fri, 13th May 20113:19 am 

    kinda sad this entry is so short considering there are tons of other blogs about indulging in sex on college candy. none the less im glad someone brought it up. also found a good entry about abstinence in college on Her Campus, I believe the title was Black Sheep. Totally recommend it to anyone interested, or who feels like they are alone with the with their v-card. it also brings up other aspects of abstinence some of what Heather ^ mentions.

  6. Pocahontas says:
    Fri, 13th May 20113:51 am 

    I was just like you in college (for religious reasons). I also thought that sleeping with someone and then having him turn out to be an absolute jerk who ignored me would be the WORST thing that could ever happen to me. Turns out, the first guy I did it with was a complete jerk. And surprisingly, the reason I was devastated was not that I'd slept with him, but that I'd been intimate with him at all (physically and emotionally). In fact, it was more that I'd given myself over to him emotionally that hurt me so much. In the end, the sex hardly even mattered.

  7. Jenna says:
    Fri, 13th May 20111:42 pm 

    But then everyone could be said to be practicing abstinence. What time frame do you have to be celibate for? Can i say I'm abstaining if I haven't had sex for a few hours? few days? months?

  8. KTT says:
    Tue, 17th May 201110:11 pm 

    Thanks for this article. I am so tired of people treating me like a freak when I tell them that I'm a virgin. I am very open to the idea of sex, I just want to do it with someone I actually care about and I'm super selective about that.

  9. ANH says:
    Wed, 18th May 20119:09 am 

    Wow this describes me perfectly…..I would love to have sex! The problem is I want someone to give a damn about me as a person, really truly care about me, before becoming intimate with them. Sadly a lot of guys are having their wild days, and its really hard to find the sweetheart guy counterparts to myself…

  10. Gilded Filth says:
    Wed, 18th May 20115:47 pm 

    Dude, people always give me the line, "Well, you haven't had REAL sex."

    Which is funny, because I've had better relationships…

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