Diane Farr’s Top Ten List of Things to Know When Dating Outside of Your Race

May 14, 2011     Posted in Advice, Relationships

Diane Farr has had her fair share of life experience. From starring in Showtime’s Californication to CBS’s NUMB3RS Farr is known for being an accomplished actress, but now Farr can add accomplished author to her resume as well. In her two published books, The Girl Code and Kissing Outside the Lines, and her third, Shades of America, on the way, Diane delves into the world of dating, dealing with issues that go far beyond is he or isn’t he interested in me.


By CC Staff

Because when we think about dating that’s what we all think about, isn’t it? The cute meet. The crush. The will they or won’t they. The first date. After that, if we ever get passed that, it all seems like it’s smooth sailing. But that’s not always the case. Especially for women who end up dating someone outside of their race.

Farr draws on her own experiences with interracial dating and the difficulties that can arise with these complicated situations. She discusses her experience, as well as her marriage and her children, and offers some pretty helpful advice along the way.

Want a sneak peak? Check out her list dos and don’ts for dating outside your own race.

DON’T let other people define your relationship for you – for better or worse. Other people’s feelings are not facts.

DO take the time to enjoy and maybe even admire any new slice of American culture you might learn from someone of a different cultural background. Be that foods, holidays, favorite books or anything else that’s new to you.

DON’T forget that no matter where in the country you grew up, we are all American – and share this culture – and can revere how much we have in common as well as explore our differences.

If your relationship is new, DON’T be pushing for a meeting with their family right off the bat.  Some families may require extra time before meeting a suitor.

If your relationship is established and you still haven’t met one family- DO start talking about why not.  Talking, to each other, is the best remedy for one set of disapproving parents.

DO keep in mind that people get mad and say all kinds of things about their own mother or father – but no one wants to hear someone else talk sh*t about their parents.

If problems arise with friends or family who are not quite up to speed with your relationship, think about the long term.  DON’T fight every small battle but rather, lead the charge by the example of your solid relationship.

DON’T let any one issue define your love story – particularly race.  Even if other people see this as the headline, it doesn’t mean you have to.

DO know that every couple has things that make them different from each other. These differences can be celebrated or feared – make a conscious choice of which you want to embrace for the long haul.

DO know, that odds are, you would make some bee-u-tiful babies.

Still wanna know more? Chat with Diane on Facebook and Twitter. Oh, and watch this:

Buy the book at KissingOutsideTheLines.com

18 Comments on "Diane Farr’s Top Ten List of Things to Know When Dating Outside of Your Race"

  1. Keilla says:
    Sun, 15th May 20111:41 am 

    I love this! I need to read this book! My story: Brazilian/Peruvian Girl loves Chinese/Japanese Boy!

  2. Guest says:
    Sun, 15th May 20118:40 am 

    nice article gotta say the part about talking sh*t about other people's parents is very true I can't stand it when people do that seeing as it's none of their damn business!

  3. Cait says:
    Tue, 17th May 201112:36 am 

    This is interesting, but I'm a bit bothered by "DON’T forget that no matter where in the country you grew up, we are all American – and share this culture – and can revere how much we have in common as well as explore our differences". Especially in college, it's very possible to be dating someone who is not only a different race, but form a different country as well, and that can be just as interesting.

  4. Nana says:
    Wed, 18th May 20111:51 pm 

    I'm totally interested in this read, will def. buy!
    I'm an Argentine girl dating a Chinese boy, I feel like I can relate already! :)

  5. Lucy says:
    Thu, 19th May 20117:58 pm 

    I have the exact same problem. I'm a white girl in the south trying to date a black boy. I like him alot but my parents just wont approve. I relate completely because pretty much everything said up there is true.

  6. Danielle says:
    Fri, 20th May 201111:32 am 

    I’m bothered by one comment. College/University is home to hundreds of international students. Just because someone comes from another country to America does not mean they share the culture. They are simply taking part in higher learning. They are different culturally and racially and as someone who is a product of an interracial couple I say acknowledgement of these differences is the most beautiful thing ever. I’m different. My Mom and Dad are and my mom has always made it very clear that two different people from different cultural backgrounds can make it work. But understanding the differences and working through them is what is important. My Aunt and Uncle are a prime example of two religious backgrounds coming together. My Uncle is Muslim and my Aunt is Mennonite. They’ve been married for 30 years. They never once try to hide under the label American or Canadian because guess what? That’s not their only identity.

    If you want to date someone… do it. dont let anyone stop you.

  7. Sarag says:
    Fri, 20th May 201112:04 pm 

    Who says "race" anymore? We are all the same race…

  8. Lady says:
    Fri, 20th May 201112:10 pm 

    Mulatta girl dating a white guy. There are all these how-to guides, whole self-help books for dating outside your race – it's hilarious to me! It's just dating another human being. There is NO DIFFERENCE.

  9. Isabella says:
    Fri, 20th May 20112:25 pm 

    At first the title kind of threw me off and bothered me a bit, my first thought at the title, was why do you even need a book for dating people outside your race? Relationships are relationships, regardless of background/race/ethnicity/culture, and having an entire book dedicated to this issue to me just continues to perpetuate the idea that there is in fact a difference and that it needs to be addressed separately.

    But I will admit that most of this advice is sound and reasonable for any couple. I really have never believed for once that race is a defining factor in personality or even culture. People are people that's it. Then again I grew up in NYC so I imagine people may believe or see things differently elsewhere…

  10. meandtheworld90 says:
    Sat, 21st May 20116:01 pm 

    this is so true. Yea we ourselves don't see race, but people around us might. Definitely a lot of the older generation does, so this is very helpful. But it feels like, if the couple really loves each other, all of these come naturally. In my own relationship, we did all of these, and we'd never talked about our issues to anyone else.

  11. ljayn says:
    Sat, 21st May 20116:14 pm 

    Believe it or not, race is still said, and two people of different races that happen to be dating, good friends, married, or whatever the relationship is, it does seem to bother a lot of closed minded individuals.It's sad, but true. I intend to buy the book, not for pointers on dating outside my race, (been there, done that, no big deal to me, my family or friends) but because I enjoy reading another person's point of view on certain subjects that many people are too afraid to talk about. There should be more books about acceptance, period.

  12. Elle says:
    Sun, 22nd May 20111:17 am 

    I definitely related to this article! I married a Korean guy and his parents had issues in the beginning with me being white. Don't let others influence your relationship! Not even possible in-laws! There are difficulties in this kind of relationship, but there are obstacles in any relationship! At least we will have beautiful babies! ;)

  13. @theoutsider1986 says:
    Mon, 23rd May 20112:27 am 

    I think this book would be good for me. I'm black girl who likes white guys.

  14. Freddy man says:
    Mon, 23rd May 20115:25 pm 

    Wow a mulatto dating a white guy, so original.

  15. Freddy gamer says:
    Mon, 23rd May 20115:27 pm 

    That's stupid. They don't care if your white but if you're anything else it's a problem.

  16. Over It says:
    Mon, 23rd May 20117:05 pm 

    Good article, but might I mention that RACE is a social construct. Ethnicity may have been the most appropriate term to use in this case. For those of you claiming that your children will benefit from hybrid vigor, you can put those thoughts to bed. There is only one RACE and it is HUMAN. If this makes sense to you, be certain to write in HUMAN the next time the census rolls around. Animalia Chordata Mammalia Primata Hominidae Homo Sapiens; taxonomic classification of a HUMAN. Don't be confused by genotypee versus phenotype….look it up!

  17. Over It says:
    Mon, 23rd May 20117:08 pm 

    You are correct lady, NO DIFFERENCE whatsoever. You can show me better than you can tell me by editing your comment to say: I'm a girl, dating a guy….

  18. Greg says:
    Sun, 26th Jun 20117:52 am 

    I just spent quite a few hours doing nothing but browsing the net reading all the comments and post about interracial dating. There is definitely strong opinions, especially when it's on the subject of black women seeking white men. I think people feel they can post comments and say what they really want to. One thing's for sure is we got a long way to go in race relations. The amount of ignorance is amazing. But at the same time there is no question that I'm seeing more and more interracial couples out there.

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