I Snooped On My BF And I Totally Regret It

I’m about to admit something that I’m not even a little bit proud of: I’ve been going through my boyfriend’s phone and reading his text messages. And before everyone gets all judgmental on my paranoid ass, I’m sure that more than half of you can admit to doing the same exact thing at least once, if not on a regular basis.

The thing is, I’ve recently realized that completely disregarding my boyfriend’s trust and going through his phone like a crazy woman isn’t helping me feel any better about anything. I used to think it would soothe my panicked nerves, that it would allow me to trust him. But due to my most recent experience with snooping, I’ve discovered that it’s actually probably one of the most terrible ideas I’ve ever had. (Tuffy Luv agrees!)

The first time I did it, it was on my long-term high school boyfriend. I knew he had a lot of girl friends, and I also knew that he was good-looking with a naturally flirty personality. All three combined made my insecure, 15-year-old self scared to death. After a few months, I had to know who he was constantly texting or calling, and I went through his phone. It started with just his most recent calls, but then it turned into reading all of his inbox and all of his sent messages – even the innocent ones he sent to his mom just in case they had some kind of clue to something more sinister. Eventually, I figured out his passwords, and I was regularly checking his email, his Myspace, his AIM, and even his Facebook – basically, I was addicted.

At first, I kept it quiet – but he eventually caught on. The last few years of our relationship consisted of me grabbing his phone from him every time he got a message, and him deleting every single thing sent to him. It was not a healthy situation. When we broke up, I promised myself that I would never disrespect someone’s privacy like that again, unless the situation really and truly called for it.

I kept that promise until last month.

I’ve been dating this amazing guy for almost seven months. He’s been nothing but wonderful to me, and has never given me any reason to not trust him. Plus, I’m more mature than I was when I was in high school. I’m more willing to trust guys and not disrespect them by going through their things. Or so I thought. A few weeks ago, we were lying in bed when he got a text message. Usually he tells me who his messages are from (he’ll just make a little quip about it, not that I ask). In fact, he is rarely on his phone when we’re together. But this time, he didn’t. I couldn’t stop being curious. I thought about it all night long, and in the middle of the night, when I woke up and he was sleeping, I did something I still feel guilty about – I looked through his phone.

I felt like an addict, going through his texts, my heart pounding, praying he wouldn’t wake up. Even though I knew what I was doing was wrong, I kept going. And you know what? I didn’t find anything. Nothing. The text I had been so worried about was just a girl his friend is dating wishing him a happy birthday. I felt indescribably stupid, and I also felt horrible for what I had done. But I’ve done it twice since then, and I honestly have no idea why. It doesn’t make me feel any better – it makes me feel awful. I feel terrible for not trusting him and going behind his back like that. And it also makes me feel a little crazy, like I can’t stop. Once I started, I had to keep doing it. It’s like a vicious cycle.

Not to mention the fact that I have no idea what I would even do if I found something from another girl. Confronting him would most likely mean admitting that I had snooped through his phone, and admitting that only makes ME look bad, no matter what he’s done. Plus, it can be so easy to misunderstand something. A text from a girl could be completely innocent, and I could just be reading too much into it. The information could end up making me feel crazy jealous for no real reason.

The thing that disturbed me the most? My friends’ reactions. I had at first planned on not telling ANYONE what I had done because of how embarrassed I was. But one night, during a bonding sesh, I ended up admitting it to a friend. Feeling completely ashamed, I waited for her disapproval – instead, she said ever-so-nonchalantly, “So what? I do that with every guy I hook up with.” A few days later, I told another friend. She just shrugged and said, “I’ve been doing that since texts were invented.”

Girls, if you’ve never done this, take it from me – don’t start. And if you do it all the time and think nothing of it? STOP. IMMEDIATELY. Nothing good can ever come out of it. Going through my ex’s texts helped to destroy our relationship. After this most recent incident, I really am never doing it again to my new guy. No one deserves being disrespected in that way, and it makes me feel disgusted with myself. There is way too much potential for arguments and trust being broken. It’s just not worth it. From now on, if I’m really uncomfortable… I’ll just be honest and straight up ask him about it.

Have you ever snooped? Is it ever OK to do it?



  1. No its not okay, but its good that you realized your mistake.My mom told me once, that people who can't be trusted have a hard time trusting others. So when we do that, we're only making it harder on ourselves. Really great and honest article !

    1. JJL says:

      Not okay to snoop? Consider this. My ex husband wasn't TELLING me he was cheating. He was LYING! I DID ask him andhe LIED. He became HIV+. If I HADN'T "snooped" (I didn't KNOW he was lying, I had no 'proof', no real reason to suspect…I followed a hunch, a curiosity, intuition whatever you want to call it but I DID it)…if I HADN'T I would be HIV+ with a death sentence of AIDS to deal with…SNOOP AWAY girls….if he has nothing to hide he won't get caught with anything to hide.

    2. Sto says:

      Next time, try marrying someone you can trust.

      I can forgive an instance of snooping or two, but if distrust is endemic in a relationship, I wouldn't want to be in it. You did the right thing in leaving him, but I believe that a relationship without trust isn't a relationship.

      Also, the "nothing to hide" argument is bullshit. You are still violating their privacy, even if they have "nothing to hide". Being in a relationship doesn't mean that you share everything with your partner, and it doesn't mean that your past history is erased. I'd be happy to talk about anything a partner wanted to know, but I refuse to be judged for my thoughts or feelings, and refuse to be surveilled upon.

      I have no desire to date the Thought Police.

  2. Alex says:

    I went through my ex-boyfriends phone when he accidentally left it in my car and I found out that he was cheating on me. I'm kind of glad that I went through his phone, I found out that he had been lying to me and cheating on me. The other part of me knew it was wrong to invade his privacy and I haven't done anything like that since. I don't think that it is ever really OK to do it.

  3. Victoria says:

    I have never been a snooper, to be honest. But it's scary how many people are! If there is no trust, then what have we left?

  4. Sam says:

    It was brave of you to write this, especially since you seem to feel so guilty about it. I agree with the other posters who said that it's not okay, but I think that there are definitely times when anyone would be tempted, especially when it turns out to be justified. That said (and please don't take this the wrong way), you might want to consider talking to someone, even if it's just informally. I wouldn't suggest this if your mindset was the same as your friends', but it seems like you're having a tough time figuring out your emotions and how to deal with them, and it's hurting you as a result. Sometimes it can really help to talk to a neutral party, especially one who knows how to listen and maybe has some experience in this kind of situation. (I've been there, as have some of my friends, though for different reasons. It's okay to need help sometimes.) But I don't know you, obviously, so if you are able to get past the guilt/'paranoia' on your own, more power to you. ;) Good luck!

  5. Natalie says:

    It is really addictive. Having an ex who cheated on me (he confessed, I didn't snoop) has made me super paranoid. It's really hard to stop once you start. I still check all the time and wish i didn't. But something in the back of my head says the one time I don't check witll be the time there is actually something there. It's a vicious cycle.

    1. hdc77494 says:

      Natalie, so what happens if you actually find something? All you'll be doing is reinforcing the paradigm you've adopted that you can't trust men. Either he wants to be with you or he doesn't. If he's committed to you, he'll reject every advance. If you're trying to keep him, but don't demand the respect of commitment, you'll never get it.

  6. […] Today’s hot link on Fbook, was “I snooped on my BF and totally regret it.” […]

  7. bye2mrwrong says:

    The real question is why did you do it? Was it just curiosity? Do you have trust issues? Or was there some suspicion there? Usually, if you’re feeling suspicious you probably have been given a reason to feel that way. In general your gut has a way of being incredibly accurate. Your body is warning you, trying to keep you safe. So if in doubt don’t turn a blind eye – trust your intuition and snoop. You can always stop when youre suspicions have been allayed.

  8. BaByGiRlLoVe says:

    i love to snoop on my bfs phone he uses mine i use his i know his facebook log in his passwords are all the same he dont care i love reading his txts cuz i get the info that hes forgot to tell me like his moms birthday party time the first time i did i found old messages he had saved from when we started dating and i love seeing them it makes me smile i dont find it wrong cuz im not snooping for the bad im snooping for idk fun?

  9. Justaguy says:

    Thought this could use a guys opinion. And the bottom line is it hurts.
    I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now and she used to go through my phone, at first I thought it was just a quirky thing she was doing e.g looking at the nice texts I had sent her, it was only when I noticed she was doing it every time I saw her for weeks on end that I started feeling uncomfortable about it.

    She started being secretive about it I would leave the room and then come back to either find her on my phone or it had just been put down. It was this point I realized she wasn’t being quirky but was in fact checking on me.

    I ignored it but then when she started questioning me about my texting to other girls (innocent perfectly friendly texts) I decided it was time to confront her about it, she said it was because of rumours she had heard before we had even got together, false rumours. Our relationship hasn’t been the same since I now turn my mobile off when I am with her and delete my texts, I have nothing to hide but it means the mobile is both out of sight and mind.
    Girls don’t do it. If he hasn’t given you a reason not to trust him and you still don’t it is likely he might just give up there and say ‘what’s the point she doesn’t trust me anyway, why should I earn back the trust that should already be there?’

    Fortunately we have overcome this hiccup, have been together over a year and a month and have a holiday booked for the south of France this summer. :)

  10. Marissa says:

    My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. I snooped one time, because I happened to see an ex girlfriend was texting him. So that night, I looked through his phone. He was telling her that he wanted to be with me and all that stuff. So, I trusted him. Then, months later, he kept texting this girl. I picked him up from the bar one night and took his phone to let his friend know that he was with me and safe. (He was passed out in the passenger seat.) I saw some texts from her, from over a month ago, that was "sexting". He claimed that it wasn't him, and that anyone could have sent them from his phone. But I know he never lets anyone see his phone. He leaves it lying around when I'm near so that way it seems as though he's not hiding anything. He hides his phone when he texts and when he gets texts. I confronted him that night and we had a huge fight. AND I'm 7 months pregnant with his baby. It scares me. I feel like I can't trust him even though I know he loves me. ):

    1. Jenn says:

      I hope things get better for you Marissa…If my husband ever had some chick act like that, I'd confront both of them directly to just let it be known that I will not tolerate that sort of thing! Why hide when youre texting or talking unless he's up to something? If its just friends then no reason to make it a point to hide! I had a saituation when I first lived with my husband before we got married! An old friend he used to have a crush on and him were chatting on AIM. I had secretly turned on the "AIM Logger" option on his account before this happened…Saw a chat between them that sure didnt sound that platonic on his part, basically letting her know he had that crush on her! I did a few things to cover my tracks and made it look like someone copied and emailed me the chat! I told her off since she knew we were living together and shouldnt have encouraged the conversation to continue, and let him know his choice was her or me, and that if he had any unfinished business to get out of my life if he cant make up his mind ! Well he chose me and its almost 4 years later! I still occasionally snoop just to make sure no more stuff like that happens again….

  11. Lindsay says:

    I never really snooped that much. But me and my boyfriend were on and off for 4 years. When we were, I was like who is that? What did they say? I would ask 21 questions. But in the past I had always found text messages. Should you be made at him or her? My best friend was trying to sleep with him.Facebook messages. That gave me a reason to look. We didn't know what we wanted. But since i caught him, it has been different. Nothing happened. It could have. But it didn't. And she knows that now. But I still want to pick up his phone and read everything. I am insecure. I'll admit it. I want to have a reason to leave before I am the one that is being left. I would hold my head higher if I said yeah. I caught him rather than saying he cheated on me and I had no idea. We give each other more freedom but we are open and honest. We both ask, who are you texting. But if you have to hide it than you shouldn't be doing it. So is it right to snoop. Depends how you act and what you suspicios about.

  12. shaylaalyahs says:

    I'm curious if you have truly stopped. Not that I think you were just saying you were going to and really going to continue I just like to know how things end. I think that if you are serious about this guy you should tell him what you are doing/did and talk to him about it. Its always better to be honest and as you get more and more serious it won't just come out accidentally and blow up. I hope everything works out with you.

  13. Jenn says:

    If the boyfriend has nothing to hide it shouldnt bother him if his girlfriend looks at his phone, email, etc! If its not a serious relationship, then it shouldnt be done, in my opinion. I quietly and cautiously look through my husbands phone and internet activity when I can. I dont do it all the time, just occasionally. Even though we've been together almost 5 years and he treats me great, doesnt mean that I'll just blindly trust without doing a little detective work …Also even if he can be trusted, there are females who cant just be respectful friends when a man is "taken"! I would have no problem if he looked through my phone, email, Facebook, etc!

    1. Shyne says:

      You got this right!! I don't care who you a man is a man and women are women. When a woman wants something bad enough she will do what it takes even if he is taken. And man is weak for women buy instinct he can only be so strong. Gotta check up men can not be trusted 100%.

    2. ridiculous says:

      Even if he is taken? You are an immature, untrustworthy homewrecker. Do you know why you think men can't be trusted 100%? Because you can't be trusted at all. You're a victim of your own psychotic nature.

    3. HUGO says:

      You need help. I feel sorry for the guy.

    4. jay says:

      I couldn't of said it any better. I'm living with a man who treats me and my kids wonderfully, however, ignorance is not bliss. I too am willing to be completely open and feel it should be reciprocated. He's been faithful, however, porn has been his downfall. He knows I am not comfortable with it and he promised not to endulge, however, found I it on his internet history, he promised he'd stop again.. then found it on his phone. He promised again…either that or he's going to hide it better. The lies make it hard to believe him.

    5. storm says:

      I totally agree with you on this subject, i been thru much hurt from men….seems like they love to use me for a door mat at times. I give and give and give and have gotten a lot of dirt thrown back in my face. I have always been honest and loving and never hidden anything from any boyfriends or husbands but they seem to think it's ok for them to be dishonest and unfaithful and after many years of being hurt and made a fool of, yes I now check up on stuff. not constantly but at least once a week or so or more often if i see him act suspicious or paying too much attention to internet activity. I have nothing to hide so i have no problem with it, if he was to look thru my emails or texts. as a matter of fact my email address has both of our names on it and is used by both of us but he still keeps a couple seperate email accounts for himself and a facebook and myspace all with his own password that he doesnt readily hand over to me. I have caught things he had done and he tried to deny it at first but he lost that battle. now he knows i will check and i think he is more careful now about what he does. but for all of you who may have boyfriends who go on playstations they can also access the internet and have secrets their as well as I have learned the hard way. and its not only the guy you are with who can be guilty but as you mentioned, it is also your own friends at times, especially when your guy is very attractive and it seems that girls of all ages are tempted at times to draw his attention. it is sad and it hurts a lot but you really should be aware of what he does online. I think it is only fair that passwords are known by both people in marriage and relationships that are serious enough to be intimate, for everyones safety both physically and emotionally. I love him but he constantly leaves a trail behind that hurts me. when i find things he has done it makes me physically sick.

    6. Steve says:

      This is ridiculous. Relationships, especially Long Term Relationships, have to be founded on trust. You're not only showing that you don't trust your man, which is a bad way to live, but also that he can't trust you. If my girlfriend asked to look at my phone, I'd give it to her, I've nothing to hide. But if she did it secretly, and kept the fact that she did it hidden, that proves that she knows it's wrong. I may have nothing to hide, but I'm not going to let anyone crusie through certain parts of my life. Like my bank accounts and credit history and old love letters that I find in a box in the attic. It doesn't matter that I have nothing to hide, especially from highschool notes that are 10 years old, but some things are sentimental and PRIVATE.

    7. Phil says:

      wow… notice how its all women who do this. who cant be trusted?

    8. luck says:

      men do it too. they dont have the balls to admit it.

    9. anon says:

      You mean like cheating, but the other way around? Women love to go around pretending their gender never cheats. I'll tell you one thing: I personally know more women cheaters than men cheaters.

  14. Dee says:

    I snooped when my husband, who had issues with trustworthiness, started acting suspicious. See, the thing is, he won't admit to anything, ever; he's borderline narcissistic and even if you have him on video tape and ask him why he did whatever you filmed, he will say he didn't do it and you are crazy and a bad wife for asking.

    Things had seemed to improve for a long time and he had a lot of us fooled. Turned out he was just getting better at hiding – only for some reason he forgot his electronics. It was literally the ONLY way I could get the truth about anything because confrontations with him are useless. I never confronted him with the information or told him I snooped. There would have been no point, he would have just said I was crazy and he didn't write any of those messages and that I hurt him by not trusting him.

    Needless to say, I'm moving out. I hate that I had to check up on him at all, but I still feel it was necessary that I learn the truth so that I could make solid plans for myself. Goodness knows, there was no other way I was going to get it.

  15. mike says:

    if you dont want to get caught cheating, dont leave any evidence! another thing, why are these people so worried about thier privacy if they dont have anyhing to hide? i say the new rule should be: if you are in a serious relationship with anyone, be prepared to hand over your phone WHEN they ask. got nothing to hide… then dont worry

  16. Scott says:

    People who can't be trusted, don't trust. They lie, cheat, steal, and commit subterfuge. Then they wonder why they're left alone at the end of the day…

  17. Lanie says:

    In my opinion, a healthy relationship is all about open communication….that's what builds the trust. If I were in this situation, I would talk to my boyfriend about it. Maybe if you let him know about this (and the fact that it is actually a PROBLEM (addictions are tough! I struggled with an eating disorder for years and I know what it is like to want to stop doing something but being completely unable to let it go)) then he would be understanding and maybe help you work through it! It may kill your relationship or strengthen it….but, either way, this problem will plague you through every relationship until you bring it out into the open. Secrets breed more secrets….from both sides. I hope that makes sense!

  18. Flabby Girl says:

    I only look through my boyfriend's phone with his permission. He likes to take pictures on his phone of anything he finds interesting, and a lot of times he shows me the pictures before I even ask to see them. I never read through his text messages–I'd rather ask him about his day or his plans than try to make assumptions by piecing together a bunch of texts. Honestly, if there's anything I want or need to know about him, I just ask and trust that he tells me the truth. We're both very honest to each other, and neither of us have "trust" issues. If anything, because most of my closest friends are male, my boyfriend would have an even better reason to snoop around my stuff (but he doesn't because he would ask me or politely tell me if he felt uncomfortable about something).

  19. Katie says:

    I think when your in a committed relationship with someone sharing what's on your phone, facebook or email is totally normal. I guess I can see how people would think it's wrong if your just casually dating or something, idk Im married and we don't hide stuff like that from each other, we look through each others stuff, because we both talk to people that the other doesn't. I wouldn't ever call it snooping because he's my husband, Im his wife, I just don't get why it's a big deal. Im sure if I was just dating someone Id do the same thing.

  20. Midnight says:

    All pigs root. You must be one.

  21. gerty says:

    If you have a gf or bf that has cheated on you, then it does make it all the more difficult because you're dealing with a known cheater…. I don't feel it's paranoia in that case, just lack of trust; that being said, however, means you should just get out now because you will never trust the guy/girl again anyway….it happened to me with my ex and he kept doing it so you know, at the end of the day, i just didn't trust his lying ass and left…….

  22. Rolanda says:

    Sorry, but I just don't trust any guy with a cell who texts, etc……nope…no way…nada

  23. Andy King says:

    It's not OK to do it. You simply can not disrespect any one like that. If you have any doubt, you can ask straight on his face… Never snoop…

  24. Samantha says:

    I stumbled upon something my boyfriend had. I was on his computer when he wasn't there and took a picture of myself, I didn't like it so I deleted it and went to his recycling bin to completely delete it. The other pictures there were not things I wanted to see, pictures of naked girls. Ok yeah I know guys look at porn and what not but these were not models, they were real girls that had taken pictures of themselves. I was furious. He was always very protective of his phone, and now I felt like i knew why. He was logged into his facebook so I went to see if he was friends with this girl, and sure enough, he was. This lead me to look at his email, which showed he had sent these pictures from his phone to his computer. Later I found out that he had sent pictures of himself to her as well. We broke up and then later got back together, but now, a year later, I still don't fully trust him and he still is secretive with his phone. I don't know if I would have rather never found out or am "happier" (for lack of better word) that I found those things, I can't help but wonder if he is still doing it.

  25. […] CollegeCandy: I snooped on my boyfriend and I totally regret it. […]

  26. ShannonA says:

    I don't even go through my teenager's mail or texts, unless he asks me to help him with something (like FAFSA applications or the like). I sometimes need to get in my husband's mail to manage an online purchase or things like that, and I do not read through his email, with the exception of the item I am there to deal with. It's just none of my business!

    When my son was younger, say, 13 or 14, I trusted him to come to me if he was having any problems online, and he always did. I did make him and his siblings friend me on MySpace and Facebook, because that is already things other people can see, and I thought that was reasonable when they were young.

    1. jake says:

      God Bless you… You are not only a very stabile and secure woman, you are a fine role model as well.

  27. Stuart says:

    Sounds like he is really the marrying kind. Ok, long term –

    However, you –

  28. Carie says:

    i am in the same boat as you. i go through my bfs e-mails, facebook, EVERYTHING. its not that i don't trust him bc i do but hes a year old than me and just finished his freshman year in college and when i see facebook pictures of him dancing and with girls i don't know (even though they're just friends) i get really paranoid. He's confronted me about his feeling about me going through his cell phone and i agreed to stop (although sometimes when he is in the shower i can't help myself) but i can't stop the e-mails and facbeook. He has no idea that i do this and if he ever found out I know our relationship would be over. its addictive. I feel awful about it and i'm ashamed of my disgraceful behavior. This article has really made me feel better that i'm not the only one going through this problem, so THANK YOU.

  29. Kirby harrison says:

    All of this brings up another question. How many of you women, and men, have done a an Online background check of a new acquaintance? Mmmm? Is that snooping? Is it justified?

    In the "old days" you would meet someone through a member of the family, or a close friend, or in class. In other words, in places where the individual was somewhat "vetted." But now, you meet on the internet, you meet in a bar, or in the laundrymat. How do you know this person is what they say they are? In the immortal words of Ronald Reagan, "Trust by verify."

  30. zzzzzz says:

    you sound like damaged goods

  31. Warren says:

    Let's face it…if you can't trust the guy (and he can't trust you to respect his privacy)…then what in the world are you doing with him? There can never be a serious honest relationship with someone you don't trust…so why waste your time and energy?
    When I like someone well enough to think about a serious relationship I open up about everything…there are can be no "secrets". They have all my data (including all my codes and banking data). I feel that if I can't trust them, then I shouldn't be with them, or asking them to trust me.

  32. thetruth says:

    I never snooped until I was married (then again we didn't have cellphones or email when I was in high school). My husband, however, had been unfaithful and we had broken up. I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and trying again. We had been married for a few years when I suspected he was back to his old tricks. One thing to know about my ex was besides the fact that he was controlling and abusive, he was also manipulative and cunning. I decided my best plan of action before confronting him was to have evidence to back it up. So, I started snooping and got more info (had I asked him he would have denied it and just been more careful to cover his tracks). I got my evidence, confronted him and was able to get a divorce.

  33. Mrsm Grant says:

    DO YOU WANT TO BREAK UP, if not, DON'T SNOOP? Try spending more than 28 years with the same boyfriend who refuses to marry and never lies about dating others, unless you tell him to lie, because it's less disrespectful. After 28 years the guy is addicted to having you, in his corner.

  34. Zeke says:

    Once a snoop always a snoop. She is trying to convince herself and assuage her guilt. people who cheat are usually the most suspicious. What have you been up to?

  35. Dude says:

    I despise women who are paranoid and insecure.

    1. Freepass11 says:

      What if the paranoia stemsmfrom being in weird twisted relationship abuse is a vicious cyclemyoumlearn how to be a doormat for the man you love and your happy with. Guess that comes with the territory. The things we do for love. On the flip side I've been Internet raped technology is great but it can be horrible I ve had browser hijacker if u can think its been done to me. I guess that's why I don't snoop

  36. debbie says:

    wow–on one hand i am all for one's privacy and respect BUT if you ask someone outright, 9 times out of 10, if they are guilty, they ARE GOING to lie. jeez, how many people will come right out and admit it? not many. if your relationship is open, there'd be no reason to suspect; you'd know it! nobody wants to be a fool so if it makes you feel better and eases your mind by all means, do it. it's probably gonna be a shock either way no matter when you find out if there was cheating going on.

  37. MsBlase says:

    You people sound like big idiots. It is perfectly okay to snoop on your mate to make sure you are not being lied to. If Maria Shriver had done a little snooping she could have dumped Arnold 13 years ago. Do not feel guilty about protecting your interest and don't let any foolish fool make you feel guilty about doing so.

    1. Liz says:

      Totally agree!!!

  38. BellaBee says:

    If you feel your significant other is hiding something, don't ignore it! Snooping to the degree this author did is going too far, but I think some situations warrant a little searching, especially if it's public information.
    For example, there was a guy who wanted to go out with me a few years ago. I felt like something was off about him, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I half jokingly googled his name, and it turns out he was involved with a sexual assault case… no thanks.
    The other time, I had been with a guy for near 2 years, and we lived together. I started getting suspicious because of his behavior, but he never gave me his phone password, limited his profile from me on facebook, and didn't share his myspace, so I couldn't check. Not that it mattered. The day after Valentines day, I did his laundry and something very interesting fell out of his pocket.
    My point is, trust your instincts! If they're giving you cause to be suspicious, there's probably a good reason for it.

  39. John says:

    Incredible.Pathetic. I'm sorry I even posted.

  40. Mike Landers says:

    I've never snopped and always trusted my wife until I knew in my heart she was unfathful. Then one night while she was asleep I took her purse which she would place on the floor by the sofa where she slept almost with her hand in it (as if protecting it ). Inside on top of the other contents I found a scrap paper torn from its page with a phone number. The next day I called that number. It was a motel. I drove to the motel to check it out. It was a cheap roach motel frequented by homeless, drug user, sellers & prostitutes. I allowed several days to pass and told her I had found a phone number while cleaning her car and asked her who it was. She said she didn't know. When I told Anne I had called it and it was a motel she said it was a client from the homeless shelter where she worked. As things turned out she was having an affair with a homeless man from the shelter and is now supporting him. She was fired from a good job and threw it all away for a worthless black man who won't work and this was a women that was always reading the bible and was repected as a christian mother who turned her back on every moral value. After 25 yrs of marriage I find someone to trust again someday.

  41. KCCCC says:

    The reason for snooping is more important than the actual act unless that person is completely unforgiving. If a person gives you reason to think something is going on ie. they've become more distant or they're routine has become more erratic, it may justify it but it should be multiple factors, not just one. Take into account the person and the situation. Accountants tend to be more busy during tax time and a person who is overall trustworthy, plus if it was or around a birthday or important event, people should get the benefit of the doubt. Plus always ask to get a feel, most times its nothing and they'll openly say what it is. Just don't ask about every text/email.

  42. Dionne says:

    I don't consider myself a "snooper", but an ex-boyfriend (who lived with me) once left his email open on the desktop. I'd never even considered invading his privacy before, but I happened to notice my name in the text and read the line. He was emailing a friend about how I might catch him in his current affair. So, of course, I read the rest of the message. Then I found myself digging through all of his old emails. There were messages to and from and about her and previous girls he'd dated while seeing me. It was extremely crappy.

    When I started dating again, I told my new BF (and now, Husband) all about the cheater. He offered up passwords to his phone, MySpace, voicemail and Facebook. I refused. I didn't want them. He was insistent and sent them to me in an email when I wouldn't listen to them. So, I signed into his MySpace and made his profile a dedication to gay porn. : P We both got a good laugh out of it and I got him to keep his passwords to himself.
    We've been together 7 years now and I know his passwords (because he uses the same few for everything) but I've never felt tempted to check up on him.
    Looking back on things there were clues outside of the emails to what the ex was doing. Me snooping wasn't going to change that.
    I get that some people would say "well, you'd have found out sooner if you snooped". Had I found out sooner, I would have dumped him sooner and maybe wasted less of my life in that relationship, but I would have set myself up to waste more of it in distrust. Really, with a lack of trust or respect, any relationship that I enter/ed would be just as much a waste of my time.
    So, I'm perfectly content to continue running the "risk" of trusting my husband to his privacy.

  43. Jake says:

    If you trust someone you are in a relationship with, don't snoop. It says more about you than it does about the relationship.
    If you don't trust someone you are in a relationship with, leave the relationship. If they are cheating, they don't deserve you. If they aren't cheating, you don't deserve them!
    The pro-snoop comments I've seen here seem primarily to be from immature, insecure, women – most of whom are punishing every guy they meet for the transgressions of one or more men from their past. How pathetic is that? It's as if you believe your only choices are to be a victim or a snooping shrew.
    It's difficult to respect insecurity and impossible to respect immaturity and you can't have real love without respect. Is it just that most women are genetically incapable of demonstrating any degree of emotional stability or security? Is it that men just can't be trusted? Your answer to those two questions will say more about you than you know.
    If men just keep using you or hurting you, take a good look mat your own behavior and personality. Perhaps your true destiny is in the convent, a cult or another woman.

  44. Jessica says:

    I did do it to my bf. He started acting different and so, I figured I'd check his phone. My instincts were right and he was screwing w/ a girl that works under him. All along, he kept denying it, but yet… those msgs he always saved were hers. I'm 6 mths preggo and just moved in with him… he acts like it was okay because I wasn't living here. But, in a way I'm glad I checked, but not so happy with it. I let it go, hopefully he doesn't cheat again when we get married in a mth… Mind you, I'm 27 and he's 37.

  45. Milli says:

    A good friend of mine discovered her boyfriend cheated on her…. through the other girl's blog. Who writes about that, seriously? Anyways…

    For some reason, they stayed together, but now she is a paranoid freak. Somehow she found her boyfriend's Facebook password and to this day constantly snoops around his stuff (he cheated on her over 2 years ago). Now, this guy is pretty sleazy… he has been trying to convince me to hook up with him from the get-go. He DOES deserve to be snooped on… but it causes my friend so much extra stress to babysit him and spy on him than to just dump his ass. And he knows she does it too, yet continues to send flirty messages to ex girlfriends and to me.

    One time, while she was on vacation with limited access to a computer, she gave me his Facebook password and begged me to 'check for anything suspicious' while she was gone. I refused. It's such an unhealthy and untrustworthy relationship, and I'll be there for her as a friend, but I won't condone that sort of activity.

    The point is, everybody snoops. Technology makes it VERY easy to do so. The temptation is ALWAYS there. Sometimes you have a reason to be suspicious. Most of the time, you don't. If you feel there's something funny going on, confront the guy directly. Don't snoop.

  46. jon says:

    You do not know the true joy that comes in a relationship that has 100% trust. My ex-wife had a two year affair before our marrige ended, and it continued two years after. It ended because they could not trust each other. I refused to allow that to change my opionion about trust. I trust completely. I do not open mail not addressed to me. I do not open emails or look at texts. Because I trust completely, I am trusted completely.

    I am very happily married again to a woman whose ex husband was a serial alduterer. She had every reason to want to check up on me. Because I trusted her completely, she trusts me that same way.

    It is extremely gratifying to have 100% trust in one's partner. How can you love if you don't have it.

    Those of you that feel compelled to check, will never know that joy. You will lead an incomplete life.

  47. tom a says:

    You're a little crazy. Just sayin'.

  48. Bret says:

    Good way to lose the new boyfriend. Whenever my ex-wife asked me to get something from her purse, I would always bring it to her and let her look for it. After catching her going through my wallet, phone and e-mails, I lost trust in HER! Anyone so insecure about their relationship that they start being detectives makes a man start feeling more mothered and less loved! If I wanted to be with someone else, I WOULD!!

  49. Deb Duerer says:

    I did this, and I found out about an entire AFFAIR. I'm not paranoid, but my gut knows when something is wrong. I've gone through three guys' phones, and all three times I did it, I found out what my gut was already screaming at me.

    If you think something is wrong, and you have reason to think so, I don't see a problem with it. If your guy is missing for unaccounted amounts of time, is showering right when he gets home, and is dressing up more than he usually would for a "trip to the store"… And is hiding his phone from you, or taking calls outside… It's time to do a bit of snooping. If you're one of those women who can't leave until you know the truth, don't drag it out. Take your look, and if he's doing something he shouldn't be doing, well, he was the dumbass who didn't cover his tracks.

  50. sunnynero says:

    Great post! I completely agree. I snooped on my current boyfriend three years ago, after we had broken up. We had been in a horrible, unhealthy long-distance-from-the-start relationship for about 9 months, and when we broke up, I reset his password on his e-mail, to see if he had written anything about me.

    Well, what I found was neither shocking nor useful. Like you would expect from most 19-year-old boys, he had emailed his friend to let him know when to expect him in Paris, and just added at the end, and 'by the way, i broke up with (me) hahahhaahaa'. well, lovely. what did he mean from this? n.o.t.h.i.n.g. He was 19. He didn't mean anything, this doesn't mean anything, and most things that 19 year olds say mean nothing. Especially angry-post-break-up ones.

    Anyway, I confessed to my now mature boyfriend the other day, and he was great about it. He didn't judge me, and was slightly puzzled as to why I thought it was such a big deal, and why I waited years to tell him. He's great – and he confirmed exactly what I thought. His laughter in the e-mail meant nothing. It wasn't funny to him that we broke up. He wasn't making fun of me. He just wanted his friend to know that he shouldn't feel awkward around him, and that he was okay. He was lightening the mood in a 19-year-old way.

    I know that if I need to know something from my boyfriend, the best way to find out is to ask him. Snooping will probably prove any suspicions you have right, but you won't feel good about how you confirmed them, you'll be feeding unhealthy communication, and you might even end up with a few misunderstandings that will just hurt your relationship.

    Great post!

  51. rebecca says:

    I think you can, but like Jenn said…If it is a long term relationship then neither of you should have anything to hide. My bf does it to my phone in a fake jealous way and we have each others passwords to stuff…even though I always forget his. But if your open and honest then there shouldn't be a reason to but also shouldn't be an issue if you do. I have a smart phone so if he is on it then who knows what he is doing….But since I keep all my stuff appropriate with others than there is never anything he cannot see.

  52. anonymous says:

    Snoopers are awful people. Not everything your significant other does is for you to be made aware of. You have no such right. Do you expect a certain level of privacy? Do you share with him every single conversation you have with your friends? Don't brush it off either. If I found out somebody was constantly snooping, it'd be over no questions asked, and I have absolutely nothing to hide. It's pathetic, wreckless, and shows you have zero respect for the other person. It's almost as bad as cheating.

  53. kate says:

    My ex and I had been living together for 6 years…I am not the type of person to snoop…but .my gut instincts told me this man had been cheating on me for years but I did not want to believe it. Of course I confronted him..he denied cheating….. I just knew he was seeing other women. Yes, I broke into his e-mails and phone because I needed to not only protect myself in the event he was sleeping around but to make plans to end the relationship I was in total shock at what I found out..he was on multiple sex and dating sites….there were at least 45 women that I found out about…I m sure there were other I did not find out about. After I got all the evidence talked to the other women…had the e-mails and phone messages..he had the nerve to deny the cheating – I imminently got tested for every STD know to man..then packed up and left the state. I have received phone calls from a women he is currently dating surprise he is cheating on her. The only thing that justifies snooping if you are 100 % sure the man in you life if have to protect your health and heart.

  54. NotAFool says:

    I don't know….I snooped once, just to confirm what I was sure I already knew…and I was right. I don't know if he ever figured out how I knew what I knew. And it was, in fact, the beginning of the end. I held on the the information as long as I could, then finally confronted him (by then, he'd done several other things that told me the truth). Checking the phone gave me what I needed not only to bring the cheating to light, but also to start the break in my own head and heart emotionally. That was four years ago and I'm still not entirely over it….bit I know that what happened was because I didn't falsely accuse. I knew the depth of it and took the action necessary—I didn't have to worry that I was over reacting. It sucks, but it was reality.

  55. Sarah says:

    I was a snooper. My BF of three years has a lot of friends who are girls… more girls than guys, in fact. And one day, out of the blue, it started to bother me. "They're prettier than me." "They're skinnier than me." "He likes them more." I don't know where that horrible version of myself came from, but I couldn't get her to shut up. There were quite a few situations where I looked at a text and read into it the wrong way and made a big deal over nothing. I spent a lot of time being ashamed and he started to pull away from me. That was about 6 months ago, and we're doing so much better now. One morning I made myself remember how awesome I am. And told myself that if he didn't think I was awesome, he wouldn't be here. I stopped looking over his shoulder. I stopped asking him too many questions about his friends. Once that insecurity sneaks in, it's harder than hell to let it go. But if you don't, it could ruin your relationship. It almost ruined mine.

  56. Jiboko says:

    If you can not trust your boyfriends or snoop his thing, you better date simply and do not have steady or boyfriends. Relationships are needed to be hopefully trusted.
    I am amazing at some people doing that. I do not do that since I know that I trust my husband. We have never checked each other's mails and hidden things. Even my husband is sometimes travelling over world and always come back home. At start we are honest to each other and started time that we decided to be in steady relationships and do not share our past's relationships.

  57. lied_to says:

    My husband cheated on me for two years. I TRUSTED him and believed all his lies. I'm glad I finally snooped and found out what he was really doing. He slept with 5 different women and was working on more. Found them all on Craigslist. What a creep. I say snoop. There should be NO SECRETS in a serious relationship. If he wants his privacy, then he's hiding something. And I didn't have any boyfriends before this who cheated on me, so it wasn't me being paranoid or compulsive.

  58. hdc77494 says:

    This has nothing to do with your boyfriend, and you need some serious help. Glancing at a text message? Ok, you're insecure. Mining for passwords and monitoring mail, etc, is deranged, and I might add, criminal. Focus your efforts on figuring out and understanding what makes you so insecure in the first place. Hint, it's not him, or anyone sending him a text.

  59. Axel says:

    You definitely have a lack of self esteem. I hope he finds out and kicks you to the curb.

  60. lita says:

    Only an idiot would stay with someone who continually violated his/her privacy for no reason other than nosiness or paranoia. The violator has "issues" that need to be resolved before entering into a relationship. So be a bit less selfish and save the object of your desire time and heartache, and fix yourself before you wreck someone else's life, even if it's "just for a little while."

  61. Michael says:

    get a life!

  62. bek says:

    suspicious includes s – p – i – c which in certain (hopefully past) prejudiced speech was a derogatory ethnic term

  63. tori says:

    what do u think of a guy who the minute i leave the house he gets online chatting giving out his phone number and looking at hardcore international porn now that i think is horrible makes one think its time to tell him to leave

  64. gigi says:

    Yes, we all agree we should trust our significant other but then something happens to raise the red flag. I am sure there are people who actually have been lied to and broke up after snooping. It is a crying shame that Maria Shriver wasn't a snoop. She kept believing her self centered husband and now she looks like a dope.Personally,I don't approve of snooping if I am confronting you then my instincts have already told me the truth.

  65. Dave says:

    I'm torn between feeling very sad for those who snoop and feeling utter contempt for them, with contempt unfortunately edging out compassion in virtually any scenario I can imagine. My parents taught me it was wrong to open someone else's mail, and I am sure if they were still alive and tech-savvy, their prohibition would have extended to e-mail, phone texts, IMs, etc. In a broader context, I think perhaps they were also warning NOT to put oneself in a situation where doing so seemed necessary to maintain whatever one is trying to preserve. The cost — loss of that most precious (and sometimes most tenuous) of all attributes, self respect — is far too high. And for what return — to avoid being alone? That is both tragic and sickening, and will in the end only hasten the onset of, indeed, being alone. Which is likely appropriate until one either learns to trust or improves one's skill at evaluating the integrity and character of those chosen with whom to associate.

  66. john says:

    I've seen some positive and not so positive comments on here and I have to say for me that if you feel as though there's something to be concerned about and it takes a little bit of snooping to get to the truth then it's a good thing to protect yourself emotionally and if marriage is a consideration your finances and the like definitely should be protected!! I say that "if you feel there's good reason to be suspicious" then protect yourself!!

  67. john says:

    I had a g/f of three years and she was the type that wanted to keep pretty close tabs on what I did, who I talked to and all that but yet she wanted to have "her privacy" and I wasn't allowed to ask too much or request certain information because as she put it, " hey your harrassing me and this reaction just from a simple question!! If people are going to have a mate then "the both of you" have to open and honest about your goings on and the people with whom you keep close company!!

  68. john says:

    To demand a private life aside from the one that you two share is a definite sign of the other person living a life apart from and being another person that you don't really even know!! Of course we all have and do some things that aren't directly relevant to our relationships but to want and demand deliberately to have "privacy" and the freedom to operate and behave in a world apart from the one shared by both people, then to also demand to know everything their mate does and to demand they answer up while keeping their own secret life is absolutey unacceptable and ill!! If people are as honest as they can be, w/o disregard for their mate they should have nothing to hide!! Live, Love and Cherish and expect the very same things in return!!!!!!

  69. Claire says:

    In my opinion, snooping on your boyfriend can be extremely counter-productive. If he knows you go through his phone and e-mails, do you really think he'd leave any evidence on there? Besides, you might accidentally find out what your surprise birthday present is going to be or something like that.

  70. Chris says:

    Maybe the addiction is to drama—the little ego rush we get when we think we've "found something?" That's a hard one to overcome (as I know full well from my own experience).

    But I agree with the other posters. If you don't trust the person you're dating, and "need" to snoop, either you're insecure (in which case, a good individual counselor is in order), or the other person is cheating (in which case a breakup is a good idea).

    The Catch-22 here is that, when you feel insecure, there's really nothing anyone can do to reassure you. Whatever actions someone takes won't fill the hole inside for any length of time.

    Even if you find nothing in this snoop, that could mean you haven't found anything YET. With insecurity comes a pessimistic reading into any ambiguous situation. And that can destroy the most wonderful relationships and friendships.

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  72. UtterAngel says:

    I'm embarrassed to admit I've done this a couple times myself, because it's such an invasion of privacy and it displays such a lack of trust on my part, it just was the dumbest thing I could have possibly done. I didn't get caught, but still. I think it's sad that people don't think there's something wrong with going through someone else's emails and texts, because if you can't trust someone, then you shouldn't be with them, period. I think everyone has their moments of insecurity, some more fleeting than others, but everyone is faced with that fear of the possibility that their bf/gf could be cheating, and the temptation to snoop is so great, but you have to remind yourself how angry you'd be if someone did that to you. Like I said, I did it too, and it really just made me feel worse. I did misconstrue things, and then I did become this completely insecure girl that I even was beginning to hate, so I can't imagine he was too pleased with me. I think building in a lack of trust into a relationship just leads to more problems that will ultimately doom it to failure. If you love someone, you have to trust them even when there's a little voice in the back of your head making you feel insecure about your relationship. And really, if you have to "work" that hard to keep someone, checking up on them to make sure they're not misbehaving, then they're not worth fighting for and you'd have found out anyhow in a way that doesn't make you feel guilty for having snooped.

  73. Freepass11 says:

    I have never snooper on any of my boyfriends and never will. I gave him bsically a free passni told him I willnalwaysnlove and forgive him as long as hes by my side that's how I know my feelings are real. I do have somewhat PTSD from being videotaped in an apartment I shared with my ex. So how am I suppose to trust when I dont know how to.

  74. asat says:

    i would rather snoop than get a std cause my guy or girl is cheating but you should have very strong prove before u snoop

  75. Nina says:

    My boyfriend left his Facebook page logged in on my computer yesterday. I decided to look at his messages because he had told me he was talking to his ex again. I read through the messages between them and he had told me word for word everything said between them except for her asking him if he had told me about "that". In the first year of our three year relationship I had suspected and accused him of cheating with her and this brought back those suspicions. I confronted him about it and he came clean and told me EVERYTHING that had happened between the two of them so long ago. While it can be a really bad thing to do I completely think if you're in a LONG term relationship going as far as talking about marriage, they shouldn't have anything to hide so it shouldn't be a big deal if you look through your partners messages. It's only a wrong thing for them if they have something to hide.

  76. Monica says:

    When i started dating my ex boyfriend I completely trusted until he started doing things that made me mistrust him. He went out got drunk and didnt even remember anything and lost his phones, keys, wallet. It was always an issue. He promised every time i left him that he would stop and he didint. He is very addicted to porn and girls and that made me feel insecure. once i answered the phone and a girl answered so i started getting suspicious. I started checking his computer history and found too much porn and also questions about finding hookers. He left me all scared and paranoid so I couldnt stop checking his history. He always said he was the most honest man alive and I would never find someone like him. Then I started checking his FB and emails feeling I would find something. We were on and off and I read the emails he sent when we were not together asking for hookers. I got completely intense and emotionally insecure. Then we go back together because I thought I was the problem. And I kept searching his emails and FB until one day I founf somehting that scared me, he cheated on me with a guy! worse,, for bien so drunk. I dont know how drunk he was but I confronted him and of course he knew I invaded his privacy. Which i know is the worst thing ever to do. But, I guess sometimes we have an inner instinct that tells us to do it. If i didint Id still be with him. My issue is I was never insecure before I met him, and I honestly believe a relationship wothout trust could never work, bur his actions and alcoholic nights made me doubt that. Now, I hope I was not screwed and my next relationship I can be my regular self.

  77. Paola says:

    Oh man.. This is exactly the blog that I was looking for. I most definitely need to speak my mind. Well I always felt like a stalker with my own boyfriend of many years. I would also check his accounts like Facebook, MySpace, gmail, everything! And I honestly don’t feel like what I did was bad. What really pissed me off though, is the fact that every time I would go into his accounts/phone, I would always… ALWAYS find something. And by something Im referring to some sort of flirty communication with other girls. That’s why I’m afraid to go into stuff now a days. Yet again.. If I know he might be up to something, i won’t be ok unless I see it with my own eyes… Talk about stupid!

    1. Distressed says:

      I'm going through the same thing, Gone through his phone a couple times, found something everytime. He says he'll stop, he'll do anything, but then why do I keep finding stuff??? I know what I should do, but man, it's easier said than done. I didn't even find any of thses things until we moved out together…

  78. Joe Balchuna says:

    Been dating on and off for 7 months. Friday night I read one thread of her texts to a guy she had been sleeping with as recently as 2 months ago, and continues to talk to and even sees once in a while. There were just 3 messages from because she had obviously deleted all the others before coming over to my place that evening. I got no information and this only fueled my paranoia. Monday morning I drove to her place and spilled my guts. I figured she would either dump me for invading her privacy or, if she really cared about me deeply, would admonish me and forgive me and maybe even apologize for fueling my jealousy. She opted for dumping me. This is actually a good outcome in that it allowed me to force her hand and discover her true feelings without being strung along indefinitely. If the tables were turned, there is absolutely no way I’d dump her for reading my texts.

  79. Farh says:

    I have a boyfriend who is a huge flirt and aedtitmdly loves women. So, I admit it. I’ve snoope and googled his profiel hames. I feel terrible about it. I did find something a few years ago (profile up on Fubar) under one of his typical profile names, but mostly found nothing. Unless he knew that I was looking and/or was specifically deleting what he didn’t want found. This artilce is so true it will come out eventually if it’s there. Having the patience to wait for it is almost excruciating and hopefully there is nothing to come out. But we never know. That’s what I find the most difficult to deal with the not knowing. Not knowing who he’s texting or emailing and what he’s saying or they are saying back, is he sexting, trading pictures, or what he’s laughing about to himself. And then off my brain goes into overdrive sometimes.

  80. Jaime says:

    okay heres the thing, if you look once or twice bc ur gut tells you to nd find NOTHING, stop !!

    Bt if u know what ur looking for, or u wana end the relationship bc u RESPECT URSELF, more than his "privacy" to treat u wrongly, then sure.. continue to snoop & let shit slide..

  81. thania atlantic city says:

    i did it dont regret it my suspicion was confirmed he saw somebody else while we were separated i aadmit i did too but i griefed more time he did it a month after i left him its changed me the way i think the way i see him now hes been very helpful but trully i feel different i know he noticed because i sent it to draft but i wont ask him ill tell him when the time is right

  82. My ex sucks says:

    I found this website and thought I’d give my 2 cents.

    Like others, I have never been a snooper in any of my past relationships. But in my last LTR, something with my ex just wasn’t sitting right with me. I tried confronting him and he always denied everything and shut down emotionally, to the point I broke up with him twice. Each time, he attributed the “shut down” to “stress” in his life. He begged and cried for me to give him another chance. He literally cried…to the point his face was covered in tears and snot. I stupidly believed him because I trusted him, and always took him back.

    Almost 2 years after we became official and after 2 breakups, I finally felt the urge to find the truth…and boy, did I find it. I found text messages from girls who had no idea I existed or even knew he had a long term, live-in girlfriend. He was making dates with his ex, whom he claimed he never talks to anymore since meeting me. I also found nude cell phone photos which were time stamped all while we were together. They were before any of our breakups, and before we had any issues what-so-ever. And I’m talking numerous photos….I mean, Im talking folders and folders and folders of photos. After angrily confronting him, he admitted that some of his female “friends” send them photos of their female parts when they’re drunk, but he claimed he did nothing to encourage it. All while he took me engagement ring shopping, asked me to move in, and called me his future wife.

    Oh, and after we broke up, I found out he gave me an STD. I know this since I’ve been tested every year of my life for the past 15 years, and I’ve never been positive for anything. He was my only partner for 3 years.

    Again, I’ve never been a snooper. But boy, am I glad I did. If I didn’t and continued to live in a state of denial and convincing lies, I’d be his his wife by now and we would have headed for divorce-ville.

  83. My ex sucks says:

    Sorry, I forgot to add…the texts were sexual and flirtatious in nature, and from girls I’ve never heard of, he never mentioned by name, nor did he ever introduce me to in almost 3 years. And the nude photos were sent to “him” not “them”.

  84. Second Chancer says:

    Me and my boyfriend have some SERIOUS trust issues, he's cheated on me in the past so (as any girl would) I feel really insecure and frightened that he might cheat again! And he's scared that I'll cheat on him as some sort of "revenge" strategy.
    I find myself looking through his texts and facebook… which really isn't healthy! I love him to bits and get terrified of finding anything any time I snoop because I was so cut up the first time we broke up. Not so long ago I went on his facebook and found OLD messages from the girl he cheated on me with, even though they were old I still found myself getting really upset and angry! He'd been telling her he loves her and stuff when we were together which just made me feel sick. Mistrust is a vicious cycle.
    It's difficult being in a relationship where the trust is an issue but I think if you've forgiven someone for cheating and genuinely want to make a relationship work you've just got to stick at it and hope you're able to regain each others trust! I'm planning on staying with my boyfriend when I go to university, regardless of what happened the first time we tried a long distance relationship. We're living together at the moment and I haven't been happier, so I'm hoping we will have built back all the broken trust before I go. I think everyone deserves a second chance. People DO make mistakes and despite the saying "once a cheater always a cheater" I think people do have the ability to chance. If my boyfriend was to ever cheat on me again I know our relationship would be over, but for the time being I'm just enjoying what we have and working on the trust issues.

  85. path says:

    My Name is Ms. path tom, I was married to my husband for 13 years and we were both bless with three children, living together as one love, until 2009 when things was no longer the way the was [when he lost his job]. But when he later gets a new job 6 months after, he stated sleeping outside our matrimonial home. Only for me to find out that he was having an affair with the lady that gave he the job. since that day, when i called him, he don’t longer pick up my calls and he nothing since to come out good. Yet my husbands just still keep on seeing the lady. Until I met a very good friend of my who was also having a similar problem, who introduced me to a very good love spell caster. But i told her that if it has to do with things that i am not interested, but she said that it has nothing to do with pay first. but the only thing he was ask to do was just to go and buy the items to cast the spell, and that was what she did. And she gave me the spell caster e-mail address and phone number. When i contacted him, i was so surprise when he said that if i have the faith that i will get my husband back in the nest three [3] day, and off which it was really so. but i was so shock that i did not pay any thing to Dr.Magbu but my husband was on his knells begging me and the children for forgiveness. This testimony is just the price i have to pay. This man Magbu is good and he is the author of my happiness. His e-mail address

  86. path says:

    My Name is Ms. path tom, I was married to my husband for 13 years and we were both bless with three children, living together as one love, until 2009 when things was no longer the way the was [when he lost his job]. But when he later gets a new job 6 months after, he stated sleeping outside our matrimonial home. Only for me to find out that he was having an affair with the lady that gave he the job. since that day, when i called him, he don't longer pick up my calls and he nothing since to come out good. Yet my husbands just still keep on seeing the lady. Until I met a very good friend of my who was also having a similar problem, who introduced me to a very good love spell caster. But i told her that if it has to do with things that i am not interested, but she said that it has nothing to do with pay first. but the only thing he was ask to do was just to go and buy the items to cast the spell, and that was what she did. And she gave me the spell caster e-mail address and phone number. When i contacted him, i was so surprise when he said that if i have the faith that i will get my husband back in the nest three [3] day, and off which it was really so. but i was so shock that i did not pay any thing to Dr.Magbu but my husband was on his knells begging me and the children for forgiveness. This testimony is just the price i have to pay. This man Magbu is good and he is the author of my happiness. His e-mail address

  87. Jenn says:

    I was with my boyfriend for many years, on and off. One night, he got really drunk and started telling me a story he had told me previously, only this time the story was very different. I asked him about a girl that he was seeing and he put the phone in front of me to allow me to read the last text, I put my finger up and scrolled down, and boy did I see. He was so drunk he didn't know what he was doing. He started saying terrible things. He kept telling me that I didn't look far enough back in the texts, then I would see nothing was going on. Finally, he passed out and then I looked. I'm so glad I did. I was right about the girl, there were nude pics and talk of them getting together. Then, I found a text from a girl he had at his place two months before for sex. I packed and left right then and there. I never looked at his phone, I completely trusted him and respected him. I probably would have never done it if not for his drunken rant. But I am so glad I looked! Thank God for stupid drunks!

  88. brends says:

    Ive just ended a 8month relationship because I suspected my boyfriend cheats on me online; im so happy i checked en re checked; I found porn; lotsa porn; online chats; numerous numbers of other women and girls as young as 21years old; he is 42; and so by the way im 52….but a hot 52year old….im highly sexual and the sex stopped about 2months ago….he also likes Nigerian women; thats his thing; im hapy i got rid of the piece of shit; methhead rubbish; he almost never worked; i payed for everything….i cannot believe i actually loved this man and had feelings for him!!! SO follow your 6th sense ladies and gentleman….if you think somethings wrong; CHECK!!!

  89. Nicola-Rae says:

    Can anyone help me please? I've snooped through my boyfriends phone twice and after the guilt got so bad I and him on both occasions. Now he says he can't trust me and how we might never be the same again. what makes it worse is that he's moving to Portsmouth for University in a few months which means I don't have long to make things right or even a little better, if I can make things even the tiniest bit better we might be able to last while he's in Uni. I trust that he won't cheat, i'm just scared he's going to get feelings for someone else and i'm scared of being alone but in actual fact, because of my actions, I might just end up like that. Please help

  90. Nicola-Rae says:

    *told him on both occasions

  91. Annie says:

    I don't think it's necessarily wrong to SNOOP. About a month ago, I messed around & snooped into my boyfriends email account on his phone & guess what I found? A kept picture of an email saying that she "loves" him, a chick in some underwear & more other pictures of his chick friends.. Yea I blew up about it because he knows I don't go for that type of thing.. I felt disrespected, hurt, stupid, & everything else negative. After I found them, I woke him up & we had a talk. I cried my eyes out, he vowed to never do it again because he knows my past history with exes.. He knows the bull crap I've been through, so he felt extremely guilty for keeping pictures like that. I mean, he wouldn't have felt guilty if I didn't find them, you know? His mom & I had a chat about it as well.. His mom was VERY disappointed, so were his brothers & also his friends.. & Now from time to time, I check his phone, he allows me to & he doesn't care if I do or not. He said he never wants to see me cry like that again & won't ever give me a reason to cry. He really wants me to check his phone so I can re-assure myself & build that trust back up completely. Eh, I won't make it a habit though.. But the trust is building up.. He knows what he has & I trust he won't allow himself to let it go by doing something stupid.

  92. rita says:

    I took my boyfriend back 3 times… and i can’t trust him at all… he took his mum’s side when she was being disrespect towards me and sent this girl sex messages even though he told me he loved ne, and lied about it… don’t become a detective but protect yourself… your heart is very special and NO ONE should toy with it.

  93. Solange says:

    I am so lucky that I've never had to do this with my boyfriend :). He is the type to have me read a text for him or show me messages just because he wants to. We trust each other, but I've seen couples as young as the eighth grade who hack each others accounts in order to snoop.

  94. Guest says:

    ive been with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months now and in the beginning of our relationship i would have his computer to myself so i snooped through his facebook when he would forget to log out. i actually found a message i shouldn't have seen, it was from a girl he had a one night stand with. it was an innocent conversation but she was asking if he still had her tights (she brought them over the day they had sex, in october) this was sometime in april or may when she messaged him so idk why she decided to wait until he had a girlfriend (me) to ask him that question. ever since then (this was over a year ago) i've been checking his phone to get onto his facebook because he remembers to log out now on his computer. over the span of time i've snooped and found messages between him and his ex girlfriend, and just random girls that he knows. one that really upset me was that he had messaged a girl after her and her boyfriend broke up. he told her he would ask her out on a date if he were single and that she was a very attractive girl that deserves a good guy. i screamed at him and threatened that we should go on a break if he needs to say these things to other girls. he got scared and begged me not to leave him. this happened in january and we are still together. but because of all of these things ive found, i have been very insecure in our relationship and ive come to know that i'm not sure if i can trust him. he also used to lie to me about things i would find, ive asked him why he lies to me and hes told me its to avoid arguments. so he probably still lies to me about certain things. sometimes its a good thing to snoop if you are feeling unsure about your significant other, but it can be very addicting. i still do it sometimes, but i try not to do it as much.

  95. Guest says:

    I started snooping because my boyfriend got a text from his ex and i noticed that all previous messages were deleted. I know theyd texted before. anyway, I somehow got his facebook password I forgot how, I looked under 'archived' messages (most people do this and mistake it for deleting) and found messages to a girl and it was awful. I still snoop. I find horrible things. He was texting his ex, they even met. Now I just snooped again and I've found something suspicious. Honestly, I see why we do it. People lie. If they've done something bad they arent gonna tell you, simple as that. I get a gut feeling to snoop and when that feeling is strong I always find something. People say 'communicate' I try, I still get lies. The worst part is I'm probably better off just not snooping, because even when I do find stuff I'm never strong enough or ready to break up with him. I just think some men lie, and do this stuff even when they are in love.

  96. marida says:

    my boyfriend of two years let me for another girl because i accuse him of seen another girl and since then i have been trying to get him but he refuse to come back to me,he was not responding to my call or email and he even unfriend me in facebook and he told me that he is done with me.i was searching on the internet for help and i saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so i decided to give it a try and i contacted him and i explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me and guarantee me of 3days that my ex will come back to me and to my greatest surprise the third day a great miracle fell on me and my ex come back to me on the third day and he beg me for forgiveness i will continue to publish his name because he is my Savior and we are about to get married.if you need him to help you Email

  97. jane says:

    “When I first opted for this spell, I did not expect much from it. I had experienced failure before. But since I was been on getting him back at any cost, I decided to give it a shot. To my surprise spell from brought me much more than what i expected. Spell from is a best option for anyone who wants to get their love back and resume a healthy and loving relationship

  98. Ariane says:

    I check my boyrfriends phone, wallet, facebook, etc. But he knows I do it, in fact usually I do it right in front of him, I'm completely open to it. He leaves everything out and open for me, never logs out of anything. I'm a curious person, maybe lacking a bit of self-esteem when it comes to relationships, but that's just due to insecurities I've picked up from previous boyfriends going behind my back. Maybe it's not fair to bring that to my present relationship, but my boyfriend knows it makes me feel better, and that he has nothing to hide. It sucks to feel insecure in any relationship, but this openness and freedom for me to delve into this part of his life quells any doubts I might have, and now I just do it for fun. It's kind of wrong, but I figure it's only wrong if it's not out in the open. And now I don't even really do it any more. What's the point? I can see the same old stuff everyday if I want. I like that freedom, I'm very lucky my boyfriend is so understanding and let's me feel better about myself. He just thinks I'm silly for it and loves me all the same. And I'm the same way, if he wants to 'snoop' through my stuff (which he doesn't- he doesn't even read my diaries when I talk behind his back to myself when we fight) he has complete freedom. I should probably learn from him… One day, when I'm over my insecurites.

  99. Carly says:

    I'm sure the girl writing this article wouldn't be so against snooping if she would have found something!!! Don't listen to that crap snoop guys are sneaky as hell you got to protect yourself because a cheater doesn't a damn about you they would take it to the grave and honestly would u really want to be with someone who isn't what they claim to be oh so honest and truthful but really a liar manipulator and Cheater… When you allow guys to keep being like that your just letting him get away with it you gota snoop if hes not doing anything then don't snoop but what if he was!?! Come on don't be stupid ladies

    1. Frank says:

      And then when you find what ure subconsciously looking for and he looks u dead in the eyes and says "And so what?", what would u do then?

  100. Carly says:

    If your gut is telling you to snoops ladies YOU BETTER SNOOP!!! I've been with my boyfriend 9months never even suspected he would be talking to other girls but lately he was accusing me all the time of other guys and he was always really quiet never really talked about what was going in his personal life so I started to FEEL something wasn't right..I hacked his Facebook his magic jack his text messaging app and boi I'm glad I did he was texting other girls I text one of the girls and she told me he asked her for her number when he was out with his friends and he would call to try and hang out but she never did… Omg imagine if I didn't SNOOP I would still be with a LIAR AND A DECEIVER…I mean honestly do you really want to wait for it to eventually come up? Or do you want to find out take charge and stop living a lie! Thankgod I snooped really seriously thank god

  101. rosy says:

    I discovered that my boyfriend had joine da dating site through snooping into his computer.He is(was)quite a big planner..usually liking to plan ahead for evrything..and obviously thought it would be smart to "plan" his next girlfriend!!!!Little to his knowledge I managed to sneak through a couple of emails,that were sent and received…one of his conntacts/emails had sent him a request,and I had found it before he opened///received it..she also happened to be a buxom blond ethta looked 'easy',so i deleted her mesage without hs knowledge…Oh what could ev' been …haha

  102. cj1234 says:

    ive been with my bf for a few months. he was doing something and his phone was left on the table. and i looked. previously i had no suspicions, everything seemed great with our relationship. but then i found two conversations of two different girls. one girl he said that him and i were just friends.and asked for nude pics of her. the other girl hes still texting, saying he misses her and a lot of sexually explict texts between them and her telling him to choose between her or me! what shocked me was the fact that he was going out on the weekends i work when were not together and apparently meeting up with her.and that he brought me to that bar and presented me in front of her and i not knowing then who she was and whats been going on..i really love my boyfriend. im so confused. i was wrong to snoop through his phone but now im so paranoid and my trust is failing and i have no idea how to bring this up to him, because i really love him and i dont want to lose him..HELP!

    1. its me says:

      oh you need to leave him, yea it might hurt but do you realy think you can love somebody that want to hurt you. you have low selfesteem look in the mirrow and tell your self that you are way better than him and could find domebody that will love you the same way you love him you need more.

  103. Katie says:

    Girl..I am addicted to checking my boyfriends txts, facebook, voicemail, computer etc. I hate it too..but I can't stop. I don't know which is worse…checking or not checking….

    1. Its me says:

      Have you ever found anything if yes then break up.If no then stop and try just trusting say to your self if there was any thing to find out i would evently find out. but other than that just think about your self insteed of wasting time looking for evidence.

  104. Crystal says:

    i have recently been snooping through my boyfriends phone. and he is getting texts from one girl i have a bad feeling on who he says is her friend she JUST got out of a relationship.and recently he went to San Fransisco with his friends and i thought it was just the guys till he said she was going along too. i got so mad but didn't show it. and today i checked his texts he asked her for the pictures of the trip and she said one of the guys has it and he forwarded them to her, and she forwards them to my boyfriends email. i check his email and its just them two lying side by side making faces at the camera, they look like a couple and idk what to make of it. and idk how to confront him. in one picture it looks like hes hugging/cuddling with her. but i know his friends wouldn't they have said something? or am i overthinking it? what should i do?

    1. Its me says:

      First of all why is he on vacation with another Girl!!! he should be with you and if he loved you so much he wouldnt be without any second of the day..I dont think your overthinking it. If you feelit in your gut it most likely true sorry to say it.

  105. Evelyn says:

    So, I recently had an incident with my bf of 3 years. i was talking on the phone with my brother and i saw him looking at a picture of a naked girl. i didn't think much of it since on facebook there are pages dedicated to explicit fotos of women. but when i looked closer, i realized that it was a message. i of course blew up asking him what it was. he said it was a group message sent from some number and he automatically deleted it. now for some reason i started to suspect him of cheating. we argued and I slept on the couch. the next day at work i had time to clear my head and realized i was over reacting. I've been with him for 3 years and he has never lied to me nor showed me any signs of unfaithfulness. so the point im trying to make, if you feel the need to snoop around and look through you significant others personal things, then you are probably with the wrong person. without trust, the relationship will not grow and eventually end.

  106. Tom says:

    You chicks are all psycho. If you have that little self esteem that you obsessively check your boyfriends phones with absolutely zero evidence he is up to anything than you should just live the single life. I would dump your ass so fast it would make your head spin if I thought you had all my facebook, twitter, myspace, whatever passwords and were checking every text I got. Serious issues.

  107. Tom says:

    Plus, casting freakin spells? What is wrong with you guys? Completely unhealthy relationships. Casting spells, paranoid delusions of cheating and sneaking, 100% guaranteed recipe for disaster in a relationship.

  108. Ambs says:

    In my relationship which just ended yesterday, I did ask him straight up about another girl. And he straight up lied to me, several times. My intuition said something was off, so I couldn't resist checking his Facebook. And sho 'nuff, there was the evidence that he was a liar. He wasn't cheating on me since we've been officially together (that I know of), but it still proved he lied about a girl he was VERY interested in at a time he was just stringing me along and blowing me off. He swore he turned her down and liked me more, but he actually pursued her harder than me, until she moved away. And even then some, telling her how much he missed her and couldn't wait for her to visit so they could go out again. That message was right after I spent the night with him for the first time, when I was stupidly swooning over him. So I was just his last resort, basically. Plus I saw some disgusting interactions with his best friend's slutty teenage sister while she was engaged to a man and he was with his previous girlfriend. It spoke volumes about his lack of character. My paranoia was justified, and what I found led me to end things and feel so much better, but I still hate how I feel when I snoop.

    1. Michelle says:

      i snooped too and feel good about it!!! i rather be nosy than a cheater. I never cheated on my man. He gave me reasons to not be able to trust him so I read his text messages and found out he was cheating on me with several girls. They only say your nosy to make them feel better for cheating. They know they are wrong. I just wish I checked his phone sooner that way I wouldn't have ended up pregnant and homeless. Also hope I don't have a bunch of stds now too! Check the phones ladies and if he's cheating get the f out before its too late!

  109. Samhain Sami says:

    dude.. so freaking happened to me.. i hate myself, and now him for it.. LADIES, maybe IT IS BETTER that you dont know wtf is going on.. maybe it would ruin us.. but believe me.. LOVE, …is a lie… there is no true love.. F**k that s**t.

  110. Karen says:

    Omg you people need therapy. Don't snoop. Go to therapy. Find a relationship where you can be honest with each other. You know what I would have done if that had happened to me? I wouldn't have spent all day and night thinking about it, I WOULD HAVE ASKED HIM ABOUT IT. He and I don't lie to each other so wtf would I need to snoop for? And the OP should tell her boyfriend that she snooped, because she's been lying to him about it this whole time, and she even thinks he could be a liar. She needs to confront her boyfriend about her snooping so he knows what kind of person he's dating, and get her ass to therapy to work on her trust issues. That is some scary obsessive abusive behavior.

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