Ask a Dude: Does He Even Know What He Wants?
I’m having some trouble figuring out what the guy I’m dating wants. We’ve been dating for a month now; he plays in my band and we met in February. He started flirting with me, chatting all the time and texting, until we finally kissed a month ago and we started dating. We go out 2 times a week and I already know all his friends. The problem is that he never had a serious relationship before, so he has no clue! He almost never texts, only for very specific things, and he makes me plan every date. Sometimes we don’t talk for 2 days until one of us finally talks, and I have no idea where is this going.
I really like him but I really don’t want to be played. He says he really likes me and I’m a very fun girl to be with, but that’s all. Is he into me, or just wants to be into my panties?
Thanks for listening! And greetings from Argentina!
— Tell Me What He Wants (What he Really, Really Wants)
Dear Tell Me What He Wants,
Wow! Argentina? We’re crossing borders, ladies. It’s nice to know some things are universal: Esperanto, the joy at Chuck getting a 5th season, and boys being stupid.
Aristophanes wrote, “Youth ages, immaturity is outgrown, ignorance can be educated, and drunkenness sobered, but stupid lasts forever.” To educate his ignorance, be honest.
If you’re not getting what you feel you need, then you’ve got to tell him. Guys entering their first “adult” relationships are always working with a learning curve. If monogamy’s just a societal construct then we’re double dogged disadvantaged. We can’t just kick into boyfriend mode and, let’s be honest, everyone’s looking for different things from their partner.
It sounds to me like you want him to treat you as more of a priority. You want more attention and affection, you’re feeling neglected, and you think it’s all due to his inexperience. Well, since he doesn’t have an Intersect in his head to upload proper BF conduct, then let him know what you want. Just tell him, “I feel like I’m not important to you and this is why.” How he responds will probably have you writing in next week but, hey, one step at a time.
Things seem pretty casual between you two at the moment. If that’s not working for you then talk about it with him. Communication is key to avoiding insanity. Just be mindful, there’s coming off as concerned and wanting to clear the air, then there’s being clingy. Clingy tends to scare them off. When you do sit him down, be composed and be prepared.
He can be taught! But only if he’s willing to learn. Time to find out whether you’ll be using the carrot or the stick.
Whosoever makes sense of this article, if she be worthy, shall possess the power of,
The Mighty Thor Dude
[Isn't he amazeballs? Sigh, we know. Too bad he's taken. Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]