The Weekly Ten: First Date Faux Pas

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So when I originally had the idea for this Weekly Ten my plan was to make a real list of first date faux pas – you know, like eating off your date’s plate and talking about the ex – but then I started thinking about it. None of these things have ever actually happened to me. And even if they did they wouldn’t even make the cut on the list of first date horror stories I’ve heard. I mean a date can recover from a little trip down memory lane, but it can’t recover from a date asking if he can take home your leftovers…

You think that’s bad? Just keep reading for some truly horrifying (and true!) first date faux pas.

10. Looking at other girls. Yes, guys have eyes. Yes, they’re attracted to women. Yes, it’s hard wired into them to seek out pretty girls in tiny garments. But there is a difference between subtly glancing at the woman next to you as she passes by and a guy openly gawking at that girl in the short dress so often that the guy serving your food tells him to cut it out. Happened to a friend of mine. True story ladies, true story.

9. Not understanding sarcasm. I don’t know if you ladies have noticed or not, but I am a very sarcastic person. It’s not my second language, but my first. It’s how I communicate. From me, snark is a form of love. So when a guy doesn’t understand that the opening of the Dunkin Donuts on my corner was not, in fact, the talk of the town for weeks we’ve got a bit of an issue, wouldn’t you say?

8. Insulting my major. Maybe not a major offense for most people. But it is for me. I am a proud English major, one who spends her free time reading and corrects people’s grammar in her head while they speak. I work hard in my classes and so do my classmates. So when upon answering the cliche “what’s your major” question with English, and receiving the response “Oh. That’s easy. I bet you never do any work” I was a tad bit insulted.

7. Excessive Bragging.  It’s okay to be confident. I like a guy with confidence. But when you can’t go more than five minutes without discussing your new apartment or just how much money you make or anything else related to you and how amazing you are then we have a problem. Actually, I have a problem and it’s called “the bathroom window isn’t big enough for me to sneak through.”

6. The Mute. First dates can be nerve wracking. Believe me, I know. But I don’t bite. (At least not most of the time.) So talk. Just a little bit. Or at least answer my questions with more than one word answers. I know that sometimes there’s chemistry and sometimes there’s just not but if you can’t even manage polite dinner conversation what exactly are we doing?

5. The Fix Up. More the well meaning couple’s fault than the actual blind date. But there’s nothing worse than going on a blind, double, first date, only find that the couple setting you up can barely stop their embarrassing amounts of PDA to introduce you to your guy. Awkward much?

4. Reckless Driving. I know what you’re thinking. What are you, a grandma? So the guy speeds a little. Give me a break. Yes, maybe you’re right. But a friend of mine once had a date where not only did the guy speed but he made an illegal u-turn and then proceeded to draw so much attention to him that he got pulled over by the cops. And he got a ticket. Fun first date, huh?

3. Paying for the drinks but not the dinner. Why explain it myself when there’s an entire CollegeCandy post dedicated to it. Read it. It will make you loath men on an entirely new level.

2. Taking home leftovers. No, not his leftovers. But mine. And not even leftovers. But French fries. And not even a lot of French fries. Because I ate a lot of French fries. And my burger. So it’s not like he paid for a meal that was going in the trash. But still he took home the ten French fries left in my dish. Yep.

1. Puking. Yes you read that right. And no I am not making this up. Just last month I went out with a friend. We were meeting her friend and his friend for drinks.We met at the house. They had a few shots. Then a few more. We started walking up to the bar, I turned my head to ask the guy a question and he was puking in the bushes. Full on puking. It was only 9 p.m. and we hadn’t even made it to the bar. Seriously?

Alright ladies. I’ve shared my worst date stories. Now share yours.

P.S. Get more rants in the form of a 10-item list right here.

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