Welcome to the Real World: The Office is Like High School

[Life after college is hard. Like really hard. But it's not so hard that you should curl up in a ball and watch E! marathons all day long. Not only are we covering the experience from a first-hand perspective, but we're now covering it from a how-to-survive-it perspective. Every week, we're going to bringing the best advice to getting through your first post-grad year. Because sometimes, your grandmother's "just go to law school" advice just doesn't cut it.]

By Candy

When I sat in the back row of my college lecture classes, wearing sweats and a free homecoming t-shirt, I day dreamed abotu office life. How I would waltz into the office in the latest J.Crew line, exchange pleasantries with my co-workers, and eat lunch with a charming male co-worker who plays footsie with me at company meetings.

And then I got a job that popped my J.Crew bubble.

Real office life is nothing like I imagined — and the more I spoke with all my other newly-employed friends, I realized that office life wasn’t matching up to anyone’s expectations.  Remember that bitchy girl in middle school who always gave you fake compliments then made fun of you behind your back? Yeah, she works in accounting. Remember that trying-too-hard-to-be-funny freshman in your anthro class? Yep, he’s at the desk next to you. And your freshman year roommate who way overshared the most intimate things? She’s still oversharing, except now she’s doing it loudly on her cellphone when the office is completely silent.

Just because people graduate and accept real jobs and talk about big things like 401ks and dental benefits, doesn’t mean they suddently mature. Mean girls are still mean girls. Bullies are still bullies, and smelly people are still not getting the showering memo. Except unlike in high school, when you could just avoid these people, you’re spending all day in the office with them. That’s 8-10 hours, with the same people, 5 days a week. Forget sultry office romances, you’re lucky if you can get through the week without tearing you cubemate’s face off.

I’m constantly shocked by the horror stories I hear from other friends.

“My boss told me to cover for her today because she’s going on vacation I day early. I’m supposed to tell everyone she’s at a funeral.”

“Um, so my co-worker was teaching me how to file expense reports, and he recommended I up the numbers a little bit.”

“My boss made me work late everyday this week to work on a project. While I slaved alone in an empty office, she went out to dinner with clients. Then she presented MY PROJECT as her own, got tons of compliments, and gave me no credit.”

So yeah, office life is just like real life. And while I wish I had wise words of wisdom to help guide you through it, I got nothing. I just wish someone had given me the memo before I experienced the wrath of office gossip first hand. You thought high school gossip was bad? Just wait for office gossip.