There’s an app for that.
For what? Well, just about everything these days. From finding the perfect shirt to getting directions to that restaurant you’ve only ever been to once to planning your wedding. There’s an app for it.
And most of the time, I think that’s a good thing. I pride myself on welcoming new technology, embracing these changes and seeing them as good technological advancements, rather than unnecessary complications. But today I just might have to make an exception. Because after spending some time in the app store I’ve made some discoveries that have led me to question not only my love of technology, but my love of humanity.
Have you seen what’s out there? It’s okay if you haven’t. Because I’ve brought it here for you. Partly to inform you, but also so you can commiserate with me. These are the apps our guys are downloading? No wonder they screw up so often!
1. Breastimate. An app that can tell you the bra size of every women in the room. You can either upload a picture, if you’re really curious about an old flame, or take a photo right there on the spot. Just point and click and there you have it. A “breastimated” bra size.
2. Super Sexy Pickup Lines. Great. As if guys don’t come up with enough cheesy pickup lines all on their own. Now there’s an app to help them come up with the creepiest, sleaziest, most ridiculous pick up lines out there. Can we get an app that makes men stop using these pick up lines, please?
3. Bump. Guys aren’t big on the whole hugging and holding and showing affection thing, especially not with one another. So often they end up doing the head nod or the fist pump, or occasionally that half hug, half handshake thing. It can get a little awkward. But they don’t have to worry about that anymore. Not with this app. All they have to do is bump their iPhone and there you have it, a bromance is born.
4. Jersey Shore Grenade Detector. This list would not be complete without a Jersey Shore mention. So let’s see what these boys have in store for us, shall we? Ladies, let me introduce you to the grenade detector, an app with the sole purpose of detecting and alerting of grenades. I feel as though I should be surprised, but I’m not.
5. iFart. Want to make fart noises? There’s an app for that. Oh, the world we live in. Not only does this app come with prerecorded fart noises but you can also record your own. And the best part, you can even set your phone to make fart noises when someone picks it up. It’s the Whoopi cushion of the 21st century, ladies.
6. iBeer. Do you ever feel the need to pretend to drink a beer when you’re out and about? No? Funny. Neither do I. But apparently this is something that guys have a real need for, since there’s an app out there for it, and all. With one click of a button the screen of your iphone can turn into, that’s right, a glass of, beer, which you can dip down and pretend to drink, and watch the fake liquid disappear.