Single Girl Society: If He Wanted To Be With You, He’d Be With You

June 10, 2011 5:00 pm     Posted in Advice, Featured Right, Relationships  Anjli - University of Texas at Austin g+ page


By Anjli

In the last year, it seems as though being single has been my specialty. While flings and hookups have come (pun intended) and gone, and dates have left me with some less than desirable memories, my current single status has remained loyally by my side. I’ve learned a lot in the past year and I’ve discovered that single girls around the world are all in the same fabulous pair of shoes.

Lesson 27: If He Wanted To Be With You, He’d Be With You

So there you are, another Friday night, another Lean Cuisine and bottle of red that you’ve already taken the liberty of gulping down as an appetizer. Content with your night but mostly with your wine buzz, just about to sink into the couch hoping for a marathon of the Real Housewives of Anywhere, your phone’s text message alert rings. Looking at the phone’s screen just long enough to know you should’ve known better than to look, you realize it’s your ex. Of course it is. It’s about that time again right? Every two months or so, he loves to check in with his favorite go-to line, “I’m thinking of you” (or if he’s drunk, “Im thinjing og yoi”) just long enough to make your head spin (on top of your wine buzz).

There will always be that one ex in your life that takes a socially unacceptable amount of joy in confusing the hell out of you. He’ll come out of nowhere and drop bombs about how he misses you but as soon as you call him out on it, he reverts to whatever excuse he’s got in his arsenal. If it’s not an issue with commitment, it’s a new girlfriend or some spiel about needing to “find himself.”

He has no problem saying things that make you believe he wants to be with you and yet there’s always something holding him back from actually being with you.

If you have yet to get to the point where his sporadic and cringe-worthy texts make you roll your eyes, you’re treading in dangerous waters – ones that may not result in heartbreak, but will certainly remind you of it.

As much as you’d prefer not to believe it, most of the time you’re dealing with a normal, typical, text-book douchebag, not some tortured soul out of an Arthur Miller play. While at first you may find it romantic as he texts you sweet nothings in the middle of the night, things you never thought he’d say again post-breakup, trust me, it’s only a matter of time until you’ll start to feel more like a dirty little secret.

Though there are very few exceptions, a general rule of thumb is that if he wanted to be with you, he’d be with you. Don’t latch on to the excuses he feeds you about “needing to figure out who he is,” or “things being so complicated,” because the truth is his texts and his wavering feelings for you are the things that made your relationship (if you’re even allowed to call it that) complicated.

More importantly, there’s nothing fun about trying to be with someone who isn’t trying to be with you. It’s an exhausting life that borders on self-loathing and no matter how much he claims to miss you, it’s never going to be enough to truly make you happy. So next time he texts you in the middle of a perfectly single night, roll your eyes, get back to your regularly scheduled night of bad reality television and remember you deserve someone who wants to be with you…you know, in broad daylight and not through a text.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 26 rules of the Single Girl Society right here.

12 Comments on "Single Girl Society: If He Wanted To Be With You, He’d Be With You"

  1. Miss Munroe says:
    Fri, 10th Jun 20118:06 pm 

    So true! If a man wants you in his life he will show you by being there. Not telling you and then he disappears for three months.

  2. Heidi - Bridgewater State says:
    Sat, 11th Jun 20111:02 am 

    LOL at how Bree from LonelyGirl15 is the photo for this post.

  3. lolaisforlovers says:
    Sat, 11th Jun 20119:46 am 

    Ahh wish I knew this a few months ago….so insightful.

  4. Samantha says:
    Mon, 13th Jun 20119:51 am 

    My ex of two and a half years and I broke up 6 months ago and we recently got back in contact, just casual talk, nothing serious but I have told him I missed him and he feels the same way. Our break up was VERY messy, but I do miss him a lot and still love him a lot but even if he were to ask me out again, I would decline. I really AM working on myself, I am really taking this time to work on the issues that made us break up in the first place and doing things I would otherwise never have done, I am planning on climbing the Matterhorn in July. I mean, I would never do this if I were still with him. I am just saying from my perspective that it is possible the someone may be "trying to figure out who they are" and for "things to be very complicated" (we live 3 hours apart). I mean there was a reason we broke up in the first place, and I don't want to make these same mistakes again, the best thing I did from this entire experience was just focus on myself and try new things. I am really starting to feel like myself again and I am happy.

  5. Sara says:
    Mon, 13th Jun 201111:51 am 

    I have this problem too! An old boyfriend I dated years ago got in touch about 1 year ago on facebook. As you said, he sends sweet messages but then doesn't contact me for ages (2 months or more!) Now I can't be bothered. What's best though – just ignore all future messages or just get it out the way by sending him a message that I don't think it would be best to stay in contact? Over the years he has contacted me out the blue and when I did stop returning his calls or message, I won't hear from him for some time but then he pops back in my life! I changed my mobile number but he still found my on facebook. I did care for him at one time but he was a bit of douche then to be honest

  6. mahajanssen says:
    Tue, 14th Jun 20111:36 pm 

    If he was a douche, then what are you doing still replying to him whenever he tries to get in touch with you?! Maybe you don't want to be rude but you can brush him off without having to literally say 'F**k Off'. Do it more often and he'll soon get the message. It's up to you and your power of will – don't let him get into your life anymore and then blame him for messing it up. You are the one who has control and no one can tell you otherwise.

  7. Random Guest says:
    Wed, 15th Jun 20111:05 am 

    I actually despise these kinds of websites with a passion and stumbled onto your post by complete accident (thank you, Pop-Up Ads). The title caught my eye and enough to keep my attention throughout the entire thing. Having gone through four lovely years and counting of eerily similar scenarios and thoughts, I just want to say/type: Thank you. You're great, Angili.

  8. Harun says:
    Wed, 15th Jun 20114:19 am 

    In such case like this generally do happens, cos i observed that topic of discussion is a naturally occuring thing, and because according to my own perception in a given sublingship, it never runs smoothly definately there must be an obstacle because we humans are not fully accurate in most of d things we do because we learn from our mistakes, so i call it life experience. Moreover, most of d girls or ladies think that boys generally are not caring or difficult to comprehend with such situation not knowing that what goes to jack goes to jill, so i remain loyal.

  9. Sunny says:
    Wed, 15th Jun 20114:53 am 

    It's not always so black and white ladies. I was in a committed relationship for four years and near the end lived together. But in the end we both wanted to be close to our families so i had to give up on us. It was the hardest decision ever to let her go, but I knew it wasn't doing any good for either of us. I want to give her space so she can find somebody new and be happy, but damn some mornings i wake up and i get the incredible urge to find her. I still miss her and love her more then any women in the world.

  10. mogambogurl says:
    Wed, 15th Jun 201110:02 am 

    Or it's possible the guy is a malignant narcissist who is just looking for supply (of attention, sex, money, a place to stay for a while). They do this especially when they are in between girlfriends or have a vacancy in the harem. Flit in and out of your life using any number of excuses. No contact whatsoever is in order for these types of men.

    I would change my phone number if I were her. If he really wants to see her he'll find her.

  11. jgrhodes says:
    Wed, 22nd Jun 201110:44 pm 

    I love the articles but can anyone tell me why all the pictures for Single Girl Society are of these mopey, doe eyes wrecks? They're sending the wrong message! Being single isn't about feeling sorry for yourself. It's about playing by your rules and not having to answer to some grouch about why you're stepping through the door at 4:30 in the morning!*

    *Does not apply to minors still living with the 'Rents. You guys are screwed. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

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