Tuffy Luv Says Don’t Break Up Your BFF’s Relationship

By Tuffy Luv

Question?! Answer: Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I never thought I’d be writing you, but I’ve been reading your advice for quite some time and I think you might be the only person I trust to give this kind of advice. To sum up my situation, I have a best friend who I’ve had since my first semester of freshman year. This best friend of mine, P, has a girlfriend that he has been with for over two years. She doesn’t go to our school and I’ve only met her once.

To give you all the details, P and I are very close and before we were really friends, he cheated on his girlfriend with me, he later found out that she has cheated on him too. You should also know that I now have a serious boyfriend that I’ve been with for almost a year, so this is not a jealousy issue. P and I are always together and people have begun to associate us with one another.

I had known from the start that P’s girlfriend is a serious shoplifter. I’m talking strolling out of department stores with a $900 dress on her arm. I have never been able to reconcile this with myself and I recently brought it up with him. He explained to me that she is from an underprivileged family and that I would never be able to understand her situation. I know that there are all kinds of people that are in bad situations who still have a basic sense of right or wrong. P blew up when I told him this. He told me that for the sake of our friendship, I should never speak poorly of his girlfriend again. I wasn’t meaning to insult her, but I don’t think what she does is in the slightest bit okay, and on top of this, I have seen him miserable on many occasions because of problems with their relationship.

I believe that he loves her, but he is a very thoughtful, kind, smart wonderful person and I’m afraid that I have lost my very best friend over this moral dispute. I don’t want to see him with a girl who so clearly lacks a moral compass.

How can I make this right?

Sincerely,
Scared

Dear Scared,
First of all, Tuffy don’t believe for one little second that this “isn’t a jealousy issue.” This is exactly a jealousy issue. You want P all for yourself. You say people associate you two with each other, and you really wish he was with a better kind of girl (aka YOU). Now, I agree with you. P’s girlfriend should NOT be shoplifting. So not cool. And his little song and dance about it being because she’s “underpriviledged” is so condescending it makes me want to vom.

Still, SHE’S the girlfriend and YOU’RE the FRIEND. If he doesn’t want you to badmouth her, DON’T DO IT. It’s really so not up to you who P dates, kiddo. He knows he has the shoplifting problem (and whatever other problems they have) but he doesn’t care. So if he doesn’t care, that’s his flooping prerogative. Here’s what Tuffy thinks is really happening: You’re feeling jealous. Yeah, yeah, you have this boyfriend or whatever. I have to be honest, I don’t think you’re fully in. Because, meanwhile, you’re alllllll up in P’s girlfriend business. If you want to be with P, dump your boyfriend and tell P how you feel. I don’t think he’s going to go for it, however, and here’s why: Even though you think he’s “miserable” with her, he’s stayed with her, long-distance and mostly faithfully, for two years. HE WANTS TO BE WITH HER.

So leave their relationship alone. And if he comes crawling to you later because it turns out you were right and they weren’t good for each other, be there as a crying shoulder. Despite what you seem to think, Scared, you don’t know everything about P or his feelings or his relationship. He does not belong to you. He is not yours to command. And, um, he already made it QUITE CLEAR that he doesn’t want you interfering. That’s the whole problem, right? Because you want me to tell you how you can interfere and break them up without his noticing. Dream on and butt out.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv