Sexy Time: Pregnancy Scare

June 16, 2011 9:31 am     Posted in Advice, Headliners, Sex  Jasmine R. g+ page


By Jasmine R.

A condom can break, you can slip up and miss a pill, you can leave your NuvaRing out a few days longer than necessary.

All of those small failures can lead to one of the most stressful times in a woman’s life — the unplanned pregnancy scare. That sinking, gnawing feeling that your uterus may not be uninhabited. You start freaking out at every little symptom. Nauseated in the morning…Am I hungry or is this morning sickness? A weird twinge in your stomach…PMS cramps or pregnancy cramps? Fatigue hits early every day…is it sleep deprivation or  is your body exhausted from preparing a womb? It is an extremely stressful situation that generally leads to fear, panic, or complete and utter denial.

All of those emotions are valid and justifiable. I mean, pregnancy is for adults, settled, ready-to-bear-children women and clueless teenagers on MTV. It’s not for college-aged women whose biggest concerns should be getting to know and love herself, having fun with friends, succeeding in school, and successfully avoiding hangovers every weekend. Unfortunately, sex is one of the riskiest activities we engage in, and even if we do our best to be cautions, failures happen.

If you find yourself seriously worried that you are pregnant, do the following (and do not, I repeat DO NOT Google symptoms online, you’ll only panic more):

1. Get thee to a drugstore or health practitioner and take a pregnancy test. You can take a test approximately a week after your missed period and get an accurate result. Home pregnancy tests claim to be 99 percent accurate, but you have to follow the instructions precisely before you scare yourself into thinking your pregnant. Going to your doctor, or a Planned Parenthood, is also an option if you want professional input.

2. If your test is negative, yay! Have a celebratory cocktail and exhale. If your test confirms that you are, indeed, pregnant, it is perfectly okay to freak out. Take some time to cry, process, be numb, be terrified, be anxious…whatever you need to do. This is as big as it feel, but it is not the end of the world. So after you freak out, you have to take control of your situation.  Hopefully you have a strong support system, or at the very least, one person you can safely confide in. Planned Parenthood has counselors that are available to assist women like you in this situation. We all know the options available — termination, adoption, and keeping the child. This is an extremely heavy decision that you shouldn’t have to go through alone. I would highly suggest including your partner in your decision, assuming you are on good terms. After all, he was equally as responsible as you were. Do as much research as you can, knowledge is empowering. Make lists, consult a religious advisor, talk about it with a trusted confidante. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Eat healthily, exercise, and don’t binge drink or do drugs. Whatever you decide, stand by it. Life throws us curveballs, takes us along bumpy courses, and tries to beat us down, but we have the power to make great catches, find joy in the turbulence, and fight back.

3. Don’t beat yourself up. Whether your eggo is preggo or not, the threat of an unplanned pregnancy looms over every single sexually active woman. It is so easy to fall into a pit of shame, guilt, self-loathing, and utter disgust when you feel like you’ve dropped the ball on something so important. There’s this pervasive notion that only a “certain type” of woman ends up accidentally pregnant — dumb, ignorant, clueless women. But a wide, diverse stratosphere of women have sex, and sperm doesn’t discriminate. You can’t change the past, all you can do is resolve to be as safe as possible, and take the proper steps necessary to do so.

36 Comments on "Sexy Time: Pregnancy Scare"

  1. Annie says:
    Thu, 16th Jun 201111:41 am 

    I take the pill and am pretty good about it, and have protected sex with my bf like 90% of the time, but I still freak out every month the week before I get my period (which comes like clockwork) and am seriously worried that I could be prego. Is anyone else like this or am I just weird?? lol

  2. Alison says:
    Thu, 16th Jun 20111:47 pm 

    It's such an awful feeling when you suspect that you may be pregnant. But then once your period comes, it is the biggest relief ever!

  3. Rae says:
    Thu, 16th Jun 20111:50 pm 

    I'm on the implant so I don't get periods. The implant is 99.9% effective with typical use, but I still freak and take a pregnancy test every once in a while because what if I'm that .1%???

  4. Annie says:
    Thu, 16th Jun 20111:55 pm 

    No joke. I remember one of those old Facebook bumper stickers saying something like "For the sexually active, getting your period is like Christmas morning." So true!

  5. Hillary says:
    Thu, 16th Jun 20115:56 pm 

    My friend just got a false positive. she thought she was pregnant for a day, it was terrible.

  6. Sarah says:
    Thu, 16th Jun 20117:21 pm 

    before you scare yourself into thinking *you're* pregnant.

  7. Jackie says:
    Fri, 17th Jun 20119:34 am 

    There is NOTHING worse than the pregnancy scare. I had my first one this year and it was the first time I realized how important it was to get involved with prochoice groups. Like…what would I have done if I HAD TO HAVE THE BABY at 19???

  8. Beonka says:
    Sat, 18th Jun 201110:27 am 

    I’m going through one right now…last Saturday my BF and I fooled around and no he didn’t have a condom…but the thing is he was never inside me and he never came so I hope this is just PMS because if it is I swear me and my BF are breaking up and I’m NEVER doing anything remotely sexual until I’m about 25-26 or just ready for a baby!! I think my boobs are swollen but they dont hurt anymore and I’m not discharging so I pray this is my period coming!! Please if you read this please pray for me!! I’m so scared (I’m 20)

  9. criolle johnny says:
    Sat, 18th Jun 201111:00 am 

    Thank you! I'm a little tired of being called the grammar grandma!

  10. Kate says:
    Sat, 18th Jun 201111:24 am 

    I'm not sure about this. I mean, thinking you might be pregnant is scary and all, but I actually got pregnant. I'm at about six weeks right now, and everything changed once I found out. I'm only twenty but I know things are going to work out.

    Also, I would say, "In the meantime," don't drink at all. Until you know beyond a shadow of a doubt you're not continuing the pregnancy, behave like you are. Any amount on alcohol can cause developmental damage, and if that happens, you will be kicking yourself.

  11. Kate says:
    Sat, 18th Jun 201111:26 am 

    Beonka, the biggest indicator for me was that I was so tired, all the time. Exhausted. I have to take naps most days and I go to bed super early. If he never came inside you then the chances are pretty slim.

  12. Pregnancy Pointers says:
    Mon, 20th Jun 20113:59 am 

    Interesting. Thanks for sharing. Very informative.

  13. Pregnancy Pointers says:
    Mon, 20th Jun 20114:11 am 

    Thanks for sharing. Very useful.

  14. Ama says:
    Mon, 20th Jun 20114:28 pm 

    This happened to me two months into a new relationship and I actually told my boyfriend I thought I was pregnant BEFORE my missed period…BAD MISTAKE lol. He freaked out, I was already freaked out…I was cramping, bloating, nauseous, upset stomach…I took a pregnancy test 3 days before my period (which the test said it was okay to do) and it registered as a mix result…it was tinged pink…then my period came. My doctor thinks that I did get pregnant, but then I miscarried. I would advise to make sure you know 100% without-a-doubt that you are pregnant before you tell the man who you have been with, boyfriend or not. And like the first person, I too am on birth control and I am very careful with it and take it on the hour when needed and we have unprotected sex at least 95% of the time. Accidents happen. It's very scary and I too worry before EVERY period SMH

  15. molly says:
    Thu, 23rd Jun 201110:34 am 

    i thoroughly enjoy the part of this that says DO NOT GOOGLE. i google my symptoms all the time when i think i have a pregnancy scare, and it makes it 10000000 times worse!

  16. Virginia says:
    Thu, 23rd Jun 20118:53 pm 

    I would suggest seeing a doctor right away if you do get a positive home pregnancy test, because false positives can happen. My roommate got two false positives from home pregnancy tests, so it's best not to rely 100% on them. The only way to know for absolute certain whether you're pregnant (aside from getting your period, of course) is to go to the doctor and get a proper blood test done.

  17. mela says:
    Sat, 25th Jun 201112:18 am 

    i'm not in college anymore, in fact, i'm 25, but i recently gave my BFF a spare home test i had around. thankfully, it came out negative, but i asked her what was up, because she'd never been the nervous nelly routine preggo test taker in the past.

    she confessed to me that she's been having unprotected sex with her ex and she is not currently on birth control – "but its ok because he always pulled out." my jaw dropped and i literally said to her "i'm sorry, am i on an episode of 16 and pregnant?"

    so aside from realizing that we can all live in a fantasy world sometime (believe me, my BFF is a very smart, successful, career driven woman) here are a couple of other things that i learned in college.

    1. DO NOT start freaking out to your friends/mom/boyfriend etc. that you think you might be pregnant, because all it does is stress you and them out about something that may or may not be true. and can cause major drama, both at the time, and down the road. trust me on this one. freak out when you know and someone can actually help you figure out what to do.

    2. keep several pregnancy tests around – i started doing it when i was the sorority house RA, but i've kept up the habit, because whether you or a friend need one, the last thing you want to do is actually go out and buy the damn thing. i usually keep about 3 around (and a lot you can buy in 3 packs) because if you get a positive, its impulse to want to take a second test. if the results are conflicting, wait a couple days, take it again, or just see your doctor asap.

    ALWAYS see a doctor if you get a positive home test!

    stay safe, ladies xo

  18. Macie says:
    Sat, 25th Jun 20111:47 pm 

    Or, you could just wait to have sex until you're married, so that you don't even have to deal with a pregnancy scare at all. I mean, i know it sounds like something your high school sex ed teacher would say, but honestly…this is one of many really really really good reasons to wait.

  19. Kenzie says:
    Sun, 26th Jun 20117:03 pm 

    There was one time toward the end of last semester when my period was a week and a half late… I literally cried tears of joy when it finally came. I think I kinda freaked out the girl in the stall next to me.

  20. Ali says:
    Wed, 29th Jun 20114:31 am 

    But being married doesn't always mean you are ready to start a family! Or maybe you meant "Don't have sex until you're ready to have kids."

  21. Anon says:
    Mon, 4th Jul 20111:23 am 

    Nope. I freak too.
    Having said that, I have a phobia of pregnancy, pregnant women and babies… so maybe it is strange. :P

  22. Trwa says:
    Mon, 4th Jul 201111:19 am 

    Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. If you aren't prepared to take care of a LIFE that you had a part in making then don't have sex. No one is ever truly prepared to have a child. It is scary at 19, 29 or 39 and any age person can screw it up. Kudos to the woman who decide to take responsibility for the life inside of them and to not end a life out of selfishness, because you think you should be "free" and not have to be responsible yet. Ending a life is murder, period. Only a psycho would regret having a child but most women regret murdering their unborn children. If more woman would stop living for just themselves and whatever feels good for them in that moment then this world would be a much better place. How is it that we so freely encourage women to value and treasure thier own life and freedom while telling them in the next breath that a LIFE inside of them does not deserve respect or the freedom to live as well.

  23. sarah says:
    Mon, 4th Jul 20116:42 pm 

    What the f***? This is not an article about abortion. Go take your judgmental ass somewhere else.

  24. pam says:
    Mon, 4th Jul 20116:44 pm 

    Umm collegecandy… maybe you should moderate comments. This is really offensive. Duke21, what's wrong with you?

  25. duke21 says:
    Tue, 5th Jul 20112:33 am 

    If you are offended then go read a different article Pam. What is so offensive? I am being honest about my fetish..that's all.

  26. Kristalynn says:
    Tue, 5th Jul 20116:06 pm 

    This is sick. She most likely wouldn't be with you if she knew you were lying about such a life changing event. Sex involves trust and honesty and you are damaging both irrevocably, the worst being she may never know. How could you do this under the guise of a "fetish" to a woman you love? She will be saddled with a lifetime of responsibility that she didn't tell you she was ready for, what kind of life will that be for your "little baby" arriving soon. I have reported your comment, and I certainly hope it is removed. No website should exonerate such obviously hateful material. I hope you spend the rest of your life alone or with someone who wants to have lots of children.

  27. duke says:
    Wed, 6th Jul 20118:38 pm 

    yeah right on Sarah!

  28. Nicole says:
    Wed, 6th Jul 20119:34 pm 

    You can order pregancy tests online from drugstores. CVS, Walmart, and Walgreens all will let you order them online and deliver them like any normal online purchase. No scary walking down the aisle and going to the cash register feeling like crap.

  29. katie d says:
    Sat, 9th Jul 201112:25 am 

    i once missed my period for over a month, and as i was walking into walmart to buy a pregnancy test i got my period. not sure what was up with that, but thank god i wasnt pregnant. now after every time i have sex i wait for my period with 'what if' in the back of my mind. sure im not the only one

  30. Ellen says:
    Wed, 13th Jul 20114:49 pm 

    I had a pregnancy scare in the spring. My friends noticed some changes even before I did, and when I took a test I couldn't believe that I had gotten pregnant. I had been on the nuvaring for 6 months and thought that it would never happen to me. Thankfully, I had a lot of true friends who acted as a great support system for me. Don't let other people make decisions for you. It is your body and you are the one who needs to make the decision. Do what's best for you. I was only 4 weeks pregnant and decided to terminate the pregnancy. I am a 20 year old nursing student in clinicals (you can't do this when you're pregnant) and knew that the timing was just not right for me. Don't let people guilt you or scare you into making any decisions. IT WILL BE OKAY!

  31. Leigha says:
    Mon, 18th Jul 20111:19 am 

    False negatives are far more common than false positives, though.

  32. Leigha says:
    Mon, 18th Jul 20111:22 am 

    Heh sucks for the people who don't ever want to have kids, then.

  33. anonymous says:
    Sat, 13th Aug 201111:02 am 

    I freak out too. I've only missed one pill, and that was before I even started having sex with my boyfriend. I haven't been having sex for long. Within the last month or so, so it's all still a little new to me. But he uses condoms every time. He's starting to notice that I worry a lot, and I'm trying so hard not to. I know I'm taking the pill fairly religiously. He has condoms. He's even suggested that if I'm that concerned, he'll go out and buy me the morning after pill just in case something does happen that we both notice. I'm hoping the anxiety will dissipate eventually.

  34. Sien says:
    Fri, 23rd Sep 20111:26 pm 

    Trwa, I understand here that you are pro-life…. I am pro-choice in general and just want to put a little drop of water in your wine. Having a baby is a life changing thing… and I can surely say that when my time comes, I'll be more than happy to have my little angels…. but thing is, util that time comes, if i get gregnant, I will have to abort the pregnancy…. Thought I respect life and still think I would cry for months because I would do so, it would still be better, for me and for the baby that would have been born. Having the baby would ruin a whole year of my study time, then I would probably, if I don't give the baby for adoption, would never be able to have a diploma, thereore never have the money to give this baby a decent life… And my husband, who's working full time at a minimum salary would not be able to either…
    Now for adoption, I am Canadian (from Quebec) and here adoption is a really, very complex thing. So there is thousands of couples who want to adopt and there is thousands of kids that need to be adopted, but the procedures make it nearly impossible to do so… So what, I give the baby for adoption and he gets in a center until he is 10 years old and believes no-one loves him and wants him?
    Next thing in the two cases is for the kid to go down a depression and then, maybe, come to want to kill himself…I've been there and I can tell you, back then you would have asked me "Would you rather not have lived?" and I would have answered "I would rather have been aborted"
    Then come the times when the parent can think that he (well she) regret having the baby
    Don't talk about things you don't know because something rebukes you…. You can't generalise things like this
    Leave choice to the mother…. Only she can understand what happens in her life and decide what is best for her and the baby.

    But still if the girl doesn't take precautions and sleeps with everyone everyday then aborts every months…. she needs to be slapped…. really hard!

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