Kvetchtion?! Answer: Ask TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

There are many major firsts in a new relationship: the first kiss (“He didn’t stab me with his tongue or slobber on my face, thank god!”), the first time he sees you naked (and enjoys what he sees, despite that cellulite you’ve been nitpicking for years), the first “time.” But to most girls, there’s nothing bigger than the first time he utters those infamous words:

“Uh, so, my parents are coming to visit and, uh, wanna come to dinner with us?”

Meeting the parental units is big. Really big. Freaking HUGE.

For some (read: guys) it’s a moment of worry. How does any guy win over his girlfriend’s overprotective father? How does he look that (scary) man in the eyes knowing the things he’s done to his daughter between the sheets (and, very likely, 30 minutes before the dinner reservation)? How does he prove to both parents that he’s a good guy with a good future that is good enough for their little girl, all while trying not to splatter marinara sauce on the new white button down he bought for the occasion?

Yeah, it’s a daunting task and one I’ve seen go down the tubes faster than my Jimmy John’s sandwich after taking 6 tequila shots too many. Why my ex boyfriend thought it was a good idea to tell my dad about his “legendary” trip to Bangkok’s Red Light district is beyond me…. Read More »

It’s kind of funny how, as young bored humans, we’re never really happy where we are. When it gets cold out, we wish it was warmer (and vice versa). When we buy a new gadget, we complain that we should have waited longer in order to  get the new version. When school’s out, we complain about how bored we are back at home and how much we miss college.

But when it’s all said and done, which do we like better? Our home-away-from home in a 10×10 space or our actual home complete with annoying family members and chores?

ROUND 1: THE GRUB

The first thing I do when I come home is check in with my mom to see what she’s making for dinner. It may sound a bit juvenile, but when you’re at college, you forget how amazing and rare your mom’s pot roast is or your dad’s grilled chicken. Sure, you could hit up the cafeteria any time and get a whole tray of pizza, pasta, chicken nuggets, stir-fry, and ice cream but none of that processed junk is going to have that home-cooked to perfection taste we all know and love. Hell, cafeteria food doesn’t even come close. Not to mention, home-cooked meals are generally healthier for you. Oh, and did I mention that eating at home is free (unless your parents are ridiculously broke and charge you for dinner)? Yeah, I’m going to say that home practically killed this round.

WINNER: HOME

ROUND 2: THE SCENE

Unless you go to some small Christian school in the most remote area of Connecticut, most colleges are really diverse places. A day never goes by when you don’t see someone new walking around campus. That being said, it’s usually the complete opposite when you go home (unless you’re lucky enough to live in some amazing city like New York or LA). And yeah, sometimes getting some much-needed alone time away from society is nice, but it’s bound to get pretty boring after a week or two. College is a breeding ground for new experiences and once-in-a-lifetime events. Home really can’t compare.

WINNER: COLLEGE

ROUND 3: THE CRIB

Dorm rooms have all the essentials (and by essentials, I mean a toilet, clothing, and a jumbo pack of Cup’o'Noodles), but a sleep in your own bedroom back home can never really compare. Then again, it’s nice to be able to sleep somewhere without being woken up by your mom, siblings or even your dog every morning. Not to mention, unless you have an OCD roommate, no one’s ever going to care quite as much as your parents about the cleanliness of your room. So which do I prefer? The 10×10 closet with trash, dirty clothing, and books stacked the ceiling or my old bedroom complete with old posters, childhood memorabilia, and chore duties. Hmm… I think the dorm room makes it by just a hair.

WINNER: COLLEGE

ROUND 4: THE RULES

True freedom is something I feel like I never had until college. Yeah, I had the right to say and do whatever I wanted in high school, but I always had to face the consequences of my actions and was usually punished way too heavily for stupid little things. In college, the tables turn completely. You can literally do WHATEVER you want (except light candles in your room or drink to the point where they have to pump your stomach) as long as you handle it yourself and no one else gets hurt. Seriously, I was in shock when I learned I could stay up all night, go to Dunkin Donuts at 2AM, or skip class whenever I wanted without anybody really caring at all. It seems as though whenever I go home, I forget about all those freedoms and go back to the military-school behavior I had to use back in the day because in the eyes of most parents, children should never be allowed to stay up past 8PM or sleep in until noon.

WINNER: COLLEGE

FINAL ROUND: ULTIMATE CHAMPIONSHIP

Okay, so college won almost every round by a landslide which is understandable, but don’t take it too hard, home! Remember, most of us will only be here for 4 years and then it’ll be back to chores, family drama, and really good food. This era of complete freedom and really fattening food will be over before you know it, so make the most of it while you still can! And come on, would it kill you to call your parents every now and then?

I woke up in a full on hot sweat last night and I’m 50% sure it’s because my new Maxim Hot 100 June edition was sitting triumphantly next to my bed. I’m going to dedicate that other 50% to the fact that the temps have been sweltering outside.  Geez, Maxim really knows how to drop it like it’s hot. Get it? Drop a magazine issue like it’s . . .hot. . .outside. . ? Ok, moving on.

Either way, Maxim really knew how to throw my emotions off kilter when dedicating an entire page to donuts for ‘Donut Day’ (which happened to be June 3rd, if you were blissfully unaware). My theory is that donuts are good for you because they are mostly air. Man, I need to go on a diet.

A few articles later, Maxim decided to help the unemployment rate by hiring a ‘Maxim office assistant’ and taking photos of her licking envelopes and dropping off mail in her underwear. You aren’t helping the unemployment rate, Maxim. I’m seriously considering quitting my job so I can pass my dictation test in my booty shorts.

After paging through a motorcycle gallery and a “Girl With a Tool” aka straddling a lawn mower (ummm, dangerous?) I came across another article where a lubed up chick biting her finger claims she loves pasta and meat balls for dinner! I’m over it. I hate spaghetti and meatballs – and yet I’m still putting on my jeans laying down. One of my favorite articles was called ‘Maxim’s Rules for the Grill’ (especially since I can barely cook a kabob without burning down the entire city). What did I learn, you ask? Basically, grilling is all about chilling. If you remember anything ladies, remember this. There is no drama at the grill. Lots of beer. Meat only. And (my personal favorite): “Fat equals flavor, both in grilling and love making. That’s what I’ve been telling my wife anyway.”

Tisk, tisk, Maxim. Tisk, tisk.

Finally, after reading about how Cameron Diaz thinks the word ‘sex’ is the sexiest word out there (woah, original – I think ugly is the ugliest word out there), I came across the token Maxim sex article daringly called, ‘Enter At Your Own Risk.’ The main focus for naughty advice this month?  Getting with the one woman you want most- the one you absolutely should not. Hope you brought your wet naps because things are about to get dirty.

Maxim Says: Your roommate. Adjust to her schedule so you can bond. Does she wake up at seven to do yoga? Get up and make coffee. She likes to watch American Idol? Make it your new show.

Brittany Says: Or, don’t bust your balls to hang out with someone you live with. Getting with someone shouldn’t be such a science if you breathe the same room oxygen as her every day. Yikes.

Maxim Says: Your intern. Make her feel like one of the gang. Invite her out with more established colleagues and give her legit work to do.

Brittany Says: Sigh, so much I could say about this but I’ll stick to simplistic and sweet. When Maxim says work to do, they really mean sending her back and forth to the printer to see that business suit from behind. According to the unemployment rate though, she’s apparently licking envelopes in her under panties. Someone deserves a promotion!

Maxim Says: The Out-of-Your-League Crush. Give her the right kind of attention. When other dudes dote, be casual. If they treat her like a trophy, act like you’re on the same level. She’ll find it refreshing.

Brittany Says: Pshh, treat her like a trophy just like the rest of ‘em bro. She probably deserves it.

Maxim Says: Your best friend’s ex. When women go through a break up, they love nothing more than talking about it. He was selfish? You love giving foot rubs! Play his opposite and you’ll be the new boy in her bed in no time.

Brittany Says: Do guys really do this? I mean, after all of those games of Socom, chugging Coors together and pounding Jimmy Johns sandwiches while gazing into each others eyes…do they really sacrifice THAT connection for…sex with a totally off-limits chick?  Who am I kidding? That probably sounds a helluva lot better than squirting mayo on their BBF’s Play Station controller.

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Plenty of young celebrities choose to earn a college degree just in case no one thinks they’re hot or wants to buy their album when they’re 45 and practically falling apart (thanks to a life of plastic surgery). Emma Watson, Hilary Duff, Dylan and Cole Sprouse — the list goes on and on. Honestly, it’s a smart decision, good for them.

But, see, there’s a difference between Emma Watson and Jessica Simpson, am I right? Emma’s cool British charm and her extensive knowledge of (fictional) magic make her the perfect candidate for an Ivy League school, but Jessica Simpson? I’m pretty sure you have to know the difference between chicken and tuna in order to get into college.

Regardless, Simpson, Alba (who knew they were friends?) and their husbands took a tour of this university’s campus yesterday. While there’s been no confirmation on whether they have plans to attend the school, they’re seriously the last two people on this planet who should be even considering applying to this school.

Okay, fine, Alba’s not bad, she could probably handle it, but Simpson? Seriously, can you imagine having Jessica Simpson as a roommate? Aside from bursting into an emotional drunken fit whenever someone decides to blast their 98 Degrees old-school playlist, Simpson would be that chick who asks the most ridiculous, stupid, irrelevant questions in class and that girl who might as well not even have a laptop since she doesn’t even know how to turn it on. Basically, she would be the one who you would have to assume had really, rich parents who built a library on campus.

For those of  you who actually have a life (unlike me, who glues herself to the t.v. whenever there is any “reality” drams going down) and missed last night’s episode..Bentley Williams is gone. Boy toy has left the building, sayonara sucker!  This season’s villain is officially out of our dear bachelorette’s life…well hopefully.

So in light of this miracle, or the producers forcing him to leave due to his major douche baggery, I decided to put together a montage of some of Bentley’s best quotes. I apologize to his daughter Cozy who will some day find this article and realize what a mean twisted person her father really is.

Bentley…this is for you:

Hmm, I wonder what Bent is hoping for...

First impression of Bentley: “Even though I’m not overly attracted to her, I’m very competitive, so I feel like it should be mine.”

On marrying Ashley:“I mean, that just sounds terrible. I would literally rather be, like, swimming in pee than trying to plan my wedding with her. Because I’m not thinking like, omigosh, this is like the girl of my dreams. I’m thinking, like, she’s not my type.”

While having some one and one time with Ash: “Having her tickle my pickle, I mean that would be amazing.”

On their first kiss: “That was kind of bor — It started out good but it sucked towards the end. But it’s more of, like, an expected feeling. I’d be lying to everyone if I’m, like, ‘Yeah, I’m in this ’til the end. I’m gonna ride this out for two months.’ There’s no way I’m going to last that long.”

“Comforting” Ash after the roast: “I’m not going to pass up a moment to mess with her head” then three seconds later “I hate it when people cry, it’s not attractive at all.”

Saying goodbye to the guys: ”These fools, these freaking idiots believe me. None of them have any idea that I don’t care about Ashley. I had the opportunity and I played everyone.”

Bentley’s true feelings- Don’t hold back or anything: “[Emily's] such a standout, and…Ashley looks like an ugly duckling. I’m going to make Ashley cry. I hope my hair looks OK.”

Saying goodbye to Ashley: “I talked to her like I’d talk to a girl I was interested in. Ashley is not the girl I’m smitten by, but definitely the type of girl I’d hook up with now and then. Looking back, things could have been different if the Bachelorette was Emily.”

Here’s to you Bentley Williams, a real Prince Charming among frogs.

In other news on The Bachelorette: 

-Mask Man took off his mask, and then got sent home. (Maybe you should’ve kept the mask on.)

-William told Ash, “I thought I signed up to be with Emily or Chantal and then Ashley’s here. Really, who gives a sh*t?” during the roast. (Somehow boyfriend still got a rose.)

-Ashley cried…

-Three new bachelors were featured, either that or three old ones got complete makeovers and were lookin’ smokin’ during the what should’ve been cocktail party.

-…Ashley cried more.

What were your thoughts on the episode? Was Bentley truly the villain Christ Harrison & Co. painted him to be, or did he get the Wes editing treatment? Was I the only one shocked when Ashley didn’t notice The Masked Man lurking above her on the balcony when she walked in the house? Is this season a little…weirder…than the others?? Sound off below, ladies!

Until next time, fellow reality t.v. fans, when we join our gang of mis-fits in Phuket, Thailand.

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In the male-dominated world of late-night talk shows, Chelsea Lately has always been a breath of fresh air. Her sarcastic, dry (but sometimes fueled by alcohol) humor, panel of D-list comedians, and her “little nugget” Chuy make for one ridiculously funny half-hour production. Needless to say, I was devastated when Handler told the Hollywood Reporter that she wanted “something that will utilize her brain a little more than this show.”

As much as I love Chelsea, we can’t lose the one female-hosted late night show! If Handler does make the unfortunate (and probably stupid) decision to leave Chelsea Lately, here are 10 women who I think could bring the show to a new level.

Who do you think would be the best at making fun of celebrities, drinking her way through interviews, and having perfect chemistry with a little Mexican midget? Was I wrong to be so tough on Silverman? Anyone I left off the list that you think is deserving of the job? Let us know!

There comes a time in every girl’s life, (usually after a third or fourth martini), when she realizes “Damn, I need to do something… travel to Europe, take up Chinese, get married…someeeething! I need to change my life.” Finding myself in one such rut and without the cash-flow for a capricious jet-set to France, I decided to live by the book, take the plunge, and tackle the Benrik challenge.

If you have never heard of Benrik’s This Book Will Change Your Life, crawl out from under the rock you have been living under, wipe the tired crust from your eyes, and listen up. Benrik, or less commonly known as Ben & Rick, wrote a cure-all daily planner to help people manifest real change in their lives. Considered to be “part-instruction manual, part therapy, part religious cult, [and] part cheer anarchy,” this book simply demands one utterly outrageous task per day. From ordering an impossible pizza to generating a public protest, This Book Will Change Your Life promises to do just that — change. your. life.

When interviewing with the authors, they gave the following eloquent script as their inspiration for the book: “We feel that Western civilization is in a rut, dominated mostly by passive entertainment or money-making pursuits. There is a lack of poetry and anarchy, of things being done just for the pure hell of it. We liked combining this anarchy within the very rational format of a daily planner. It’s a vision of a more enchanted world, presented as a concrete plan.” This sounded like that exact remedy I needed for the I-need-to-do-something-blues.  They continue, “Your life will definitely change, although not necessarily for the better. You can expect awkward moments, strange encounters, randomness and serendipity. Elation too. As life-change becomes a daily routine, you will develop a new perspective on everyday life – the only kind of life we have.”

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