Lesson 30: Move On Even When There’s Nothing To Move On To
My roommate and I have spent countless nights talking (sometimes slurring) to the wee hours of the morning, discussing love and all of the messes it carries with it. Though we can’t agree on much (she’s a hopeless romantic whereas I prefer to call myself a realist) we can always agree on one thing – meeting someone new always makes it easier to move on from your ex. But by now, our mothers have nagged us enough to know that the easiest thing to do isn’t always the right thing.
It seems as though most single girls are reluctant to move on from an ex until they have another guy on the horizon thus never really allowing them to heal and find closure. Take advantage of your time between relationships to sift through any leftover emotions. While procrastinating may work for your Economics midterm, it’s not such a good idea in the dating world. If you push off dealing with your breakup, you’re more likely to get trapped in resent and overtime, without even realizing it you’ll be attached to a relationship you’re no longer a part of, which only makes moving on increasingly more difficult.
With that said, you can’t plan when you meet a great guy and if he happens to come along while you’re still sorting out the mess your ex left behind, then by all means, get to know him. But before you get swept away, take the time to really create closure by yourself for yourself.
As much as the average single girl loves the rush of meeting someone new, she often forgets that closure does not come in the form a shiny new boyfriend. When dating someone new, proceed with caution and realize that just because you’re dating someone new doesn’t mean you’ve moved on from your ex; instead, all you’ve done is redirect your attention. If you don’t allow yourself to heal, all you’ve done is placed your ex on an emotional back burner that will only come back to haunt you.
Relying on a new guy to help you forget your ex is a lot like when your trashcan is full so you keep pushing the junk down and packing it in. Every time you justify not thinking of your ex simply because you’ve met someone new and great, you’re suppressing and packing in your unsettled emotion and resentment, until one day you can’t contain it anymore, and sure enough, you’re left with nothing but a mess at your feet. Save yourself the trouble in the future and take out the trash before you date someone new.
At first, it’s easy to focus on the smart and witty new guy who plays acoustic guitar and forget you’ve got some serious post-breakup damages to repair. When those lingering post-breakup emotions finally creep into your new relationship, you run the risk of losing your new guy, but more importantly, yourself, in the mix. And it’d be a shame to relive the same breakup issues with a different guy simply because you didn’t want to find closure the first time around.
Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 29 rules of the Single Girl Society