He Said/She Said: 5 Signs We’re Just Not That Into a Guy

By Lauren

[He Said/She Said is a series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]

Whether you’re a guy or a girl, gay or straight, old or young, one of the most frustrating things about liking someone is not knowing if they like you back. Wait, no – that’s not totally right. The most frustrating thing is the amount of time wasted thinking/wondering/analyzing/wishing they like you and then playing games to make them show it.

I can honestly say that about 79% of my college career was spent wondering if the socially awkward Jewish boy who wasn’t cute in high school but came to college, learned how to do his hair and got a good pair of jeans I liked at the moment felt the same way about me. (For the record, the other 20% of the time was spent in an actual relationship where I knew the boy liked me, and the remaining 1% was spent planning for my future, considering a career path and “studying”…)

My mind was filled with thoughts like:

Does it mean he likes me if he texted me first?
And used an emoticon?
Left a witty message on my Facebook wall?
Spent the whole night talking to me at the bar?
Bought me a Natty Ice?
Asked me to stay over, then spent the evening doing pleasurable things to me until the morning light started peeking through the tapestry he had hanging over his window without getting ANY pleasure in return (what? You know I’m not a fan of it….), and then drove me home and kissed me goodbye only not to call or text for 4 whole days?

As you can imagine, it was exhausting, and I constantly found myself wondering, “Why can’t guys make it obvious when they’re not interested like we girls do?”

And then I realized: maybe we girls aren’t so clear either. Maybe guys don’t understand that me not sitting next to them in lecture means I don’t want to see them naked. Or that the fact that I’m not texting them back every 4 seconds means I’m not really feelin’ it.

So I decided it was time to end the madness once and for all. To clear it all up so we can stop wasting time with the “are they or aren’t they??” and have more time to spend on the “let’s get naked and show one another how much we care.”

So let’s do it. Here are 5 major signs that a girl’s not interested:

1. She doesn’t keep the convo going: A girl will do her damndest not to text or IM or call you first. She doesn’t want to come on too strong, after all. But you better believe that if she likes you, she’ll pray you reach out first, then keep that ish going and going and going until you propose marriage. If her texts are one-word responses (“yeah.”) or don’t leave room for further convo (“cool”), she’s not interested.

2. She only texts after midnight: Much like guys, sometimes we ladies just want a warm body – any warm body – next to us. So an after-midnight text doesn’t mean she wants to snuggle and have a romantic Sunday-morning brunch. It means that her sexy outfit didn’t work at the bar, she has no one else to go home with and she needs some attention from you to make her feel better about herself.

3. She’s talking to other people: When a girl likes a guy, she’ll do anything to be near him, to charm him, to touch his arm. So if you’re at a party and she keeps finding excuses to get away (“Whoops, need more….beer!” or “Oh, this kid from my Stats class is over there. Gotta talk about the test with him!”), she’s not playing hard to get. She’s playing gotta get away.

4. She lets you see her at her worst: We all want to believe that our opposite-sex best friend loves us, they just don’t know it yet. I know; I’ve been there….4 times. But the truth is, if there’s EVER a chance that we ladies might have feelings for a dude, we’ll primp for him. Mascara, flat iron, perfume in all the right places. If she’s inviting you over to watch a movie while she cuts her toenails and plucks her eyebrows…yeah, not happening, bro.

5. She turns down a free drink. Seriously, we’ll take free cocktails from ANYONE. Even the creepy old guy who’s always saddled up to the bar. (Sidenote: why is there always a creepy old guy at every college bar? Who let him in? And did he have to wait in line for 45 minutes, too?) If we’re not taking one from you, not only are we not interested but, god, something is SERIOUSLY wrong with you.

Agree? Disagree? Got anything to add? Share it in the comments section below. And then check out Coedmagazine to find out the obvious, blinking signs a dude’s just not that into you…