Getting “The Talk”

July 8, 2011 7:00 pm     Posted in Reality, Sex, WTF  Chelsea-University of Georgia g+ page

Remember being 12 years old? Fresh out of the shelter of elementary school and into the big bad world of sex, drugs and rock n’ roll in middle school? There was so much to learn, so much to experience aaaand…so much awkwardness. And it all started with “the talk.”


By Chelsea

You know what talk I’m talking about. The one where your mom (or even worse, dad) sits you down and then doesn’t know what to say for about five minutes. So there’s this super awkward lead-in and in your 12-year-old mind you’re saying, “What the hell? I just want some chicken nuggets.” And then it hits you. Your mom is talking about sex. Your mom is talking about sex! To you! WTF. You just had your first sex ed class like, two months ago. You hardly even know what all of this means! Stop, Mom, just stop.

But she didn’t stop. You had to suffer through a stilted and shameful speech about the birds and the bees and how you should wait until you love someone and how sometimes you will have really strong feelings for another person but if you act on those feelings you will get pregnant. And die. Blah blah blah.

So after all of this terribleness, you most likely walked away and completely forgot everything that was said (if you even had the courtesy to listen in the first place.) Right? From what I remember, this moment was only a flicker in my early teenage years that was sufficiently awkward and then deftly ignored by all parties involved.

I mean, why do parents think that middle/high school kids are going to listen to ANYTHING they say? If this technique worked, 16 and Pregnant wouldn’t exist. But alas, it does, showing parents across the world that kids basically give “the talk” the finger and toss their v-cards at 14.

But I guess everyone has to get the talk at some point in their lives because it makes parents feel like they are doing their job. Even Bieber has a story to tell about this one. It’s just a part of growing up–without the talk, some kids might not even know about the magical world of sex in the first place, and how terrible would that be? Knowledge is power, mom and dad!

How did your mom or dad approach giving you “the talk?” Were you scarred for life afterwards? Was it the most awkward moment of your life? Tell us all the horrific details!

9 Comments on "Getting “The Talk”"

  1. IndianaJonny says:
    Sat, 9th Jul 20116:01 am 

    I will never overcome the trauma of the large woman walking in to my primary school class and begin her sex-ed talk by proceeding to draw her sexual organs on her dungarees in chalk. Scarred.for.life.

  2. Claire says:
    Sat, 9th Jul 20118:31 am 

    Thankfully, my mom tried to make the experience as painless as possible by sending me an email with a link to scarleteen.com, and a note saying that she was happy to answer any other questions I might have. The actual talking bit went like this: Mom: "Did you click on the link I sent you?", Me (Trying not to sound too mortified): "Uhuh".

    I think she was trying to make up for the time she gave me the "talk" on puberty in the middle of a crowded cafe in London. Scarred for life.

  3. Kimberly Esther says:
    Sat, 9th Jul 20119:13 am 

    Talk about embarrassing. Both of my parents sat me and my brother down, so that was fun! They stumbled and stuttered their way through it. It was only a few years later that it finally hit me. If I'm here that means my parents…eurgh. It just seemed disgusting they would almost brag about it.

    I'm waiting for the day scientists add a delete button to my brain.

  4. Sarah says:
    Sat, 9th Jul 201112:05 pm 

    When I was 8 or 9, one of the kids at school said they saw people kissing with their mouths open outside of Stop and Shop, so they were "totally having sex". I was adamant that this was not sex, and to prove that I was right I asked my parents what sex was as soon as I got home. Boy, did I get a surprise. Fast forward to my mom describing things in detail, saying certain things were gross, "but fun/awesome". I've been scarred for life ever since then…

  5. Hannah says:
    Sat, 9th Jul 201112:10 pm 

    I have no memory or ever having any talk when I was little…I dont remember where I learned what sex was or anything. Hearing these stories makes me very, VERY glad about that! I think the more awkward thing was the fact that my DAD tried to have the talk with me when I was 16 and had just got what he thought was my first serious boyfriend…he was a bit late by that point, still it was mortifying!

  6. criolle johnny says:
    Sat, 9th Jul 201112:52 pm 

    Dad passes away, Mom starts dating … sister has to have “the talk” with MOM! It seems that a LOT has changed since the last time Mom has dated and sister needs, N-E-E-D-S to update Mom on all the little things that are out there that weren’t the last time Mom dated.
    Thank the stars I live a thousand miles away.

  7. Nailah Ramcharan-Gibbs says:
    Mon, 11th Jul 20115:10 pm 

    When I was 7 or 8 my parents gave me a book and told me to ask google if i had any questions… **facepalm**

  8. Susan says:
    Wed, 20th Jul 20112:44 am 

    I never actually had 'the talk' with my parents, I guess they thought my sister (9 years my senior) had explained all about the birds and bees to me. I remember finding a condom in my sister's purse when I was about 10 and asked her what kind of candy it was(it was purple or pink, can't remember). She said it wasn't for me and avoided me for the rest of the day and I really was clueless :( Anyhow, I got my sex ed through friends and the Internet. Perhaps it's for the better that I didn't have such an embarrassing talk with my relatives.

  9. Captain Sparkles says:
    Wed, 5th Oct 201111:32 pm 

    This article gets a win from me based solely on the "Freaks and Geeks" picture :)

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