An Open Letter To My Rebound Guy

July 9, 2011 12:00 pm     Posted in Reality, Relationships, Sidebar  Olivia - University of Texas g+ page

Dear Rebound Guy,


By Olivia

I would like to take this time to 1) say thank you, and 2) apologize for using you at my own discretion.

You see, there comes a time in every girl’s life when she gets dumped. Dumped so hard she can only listen to Bon Iver, curl up in a ball in her bed and turn off all the lights. Oh yes, and sob, did I mention that? But there also comes a time when it’s Friday night and her best friends drag her out of bed, put her in a killer push-up bra, a mini-skirt and take her to the most populated bar in town. And that, my friend, is where you came in.

To begin, I’d like to thank you for approaching me…or rather the alcohol induced, suddenly-confident-yet-secretly-broken version of me. Right now you think I’m this great girl who you were so lucky to stumble upon and, sure, I may seem completely level-headed and down-for-whatever, but you have no idea what you’ve just gotten yourself into. So, after a few sloppy dances and sweaty hugs, my friends finally find me and let me know you are, in fact, not as attractive as I had thought, and I depart. Without you. (Tease move number one). But not before you whip out your iPhone4 and I shout my number over the music. And that’s how it always begins.

Over the next few days, as you’re contemplating how to play it cool with a sly text message, I am completely unaware that we’ve ever met. And so normal life continues; facebook stalking my ex-boyfriend, creeping on girls he’s been in photos with, listening to sad music while crying and looking at old photos, deciding whether or not to burn that teddy bear he gave me, discussing what went wrong with my roommate while eating KFC… Needless to say, Rebound Guy, you are the furthest thing from my mind.

All of a sudden my phone’s text alert rings and I lunge hoping it’s my beloved ex! But it’s you, and you want to take me on a date. A blurred image of you pops into my head and I remember enough information about you to find you on Facebook. Okay, you’re decent looking, business major, look clean…I’ll give this a shot. I quickly run out of my room and into my roommate’s and we discuss how much better you could be than my ex and how this could lead to something real and all that B.S. we tell ourselves and each other, when really we all know deep down this will just be a free meal, a potential new friend and another reason to miss the ex…because well, you’re just not my ex-boyfriend.

Saturday evening rolls around and you pick me up at my apartment. You look handsome, tell me I look pretty and even open my door. We have awkward car conversation and pick a place to eat. I think to myself, “Alright, this is going fairly well! Maybe I really am ready to move forward!” But as the night wears on and my pseudo-happy self surfaces (which, by the way, you are really taking a liking to), deep down I am acknowledging the fact that I am not yet ready.

As you pull up to my apartment complex I lean in for a kiss and thank you for dinner. Why did I kiss you? It’s hard to say. Possibly because I haven’t kissed a guy (sober) in quite a while, maybe because it’s just the normal thing to do if the date went well, or perhaps to try and convince myself that I’ve moved on. Regardless, none of the reasons are because I actually like you in a romantic way. So as you drive away grinning from ear-to-ear brainstorming your next witty text message, I am rushing into my apartment, headed straight to my room to blast Ashley Tisdale’s “Alright, O.K.” as I jump around trying to convince myself to give you a chance and forget the jerk before you.

More quickly than expected, the Ash-Tis jams turn into James Morrison’s songs of heartbreak and I’m back to square one.

The next few weeks you text me frequently and I play along simply because I don’t want to hurt your feelings. Though we had a great time, it just wasn’t there on my end, but it’s not like I don’t want to be your friend. However, it’s too late and I’ve led you on.

Now, a year later, you have messaged me wanting to hang out. I gave myself the time I needed and am with someone wonderful and new, but you are still trying…

So here it goes: thank you for allowing me to use you as a stepping-stone to getting over someone else. I think we’ve all been there before, too. Unfortunately, you were just completely unaware. I’m sorry if I chipped your ego or made you feel self-conscious, but it was simply terrible timing.

Sincerely,

Olivia

28 Comments on "An Open Letter To My Rebound Guy"

  1. lynn says:
    Sat, 9th Jul 20118:52 pm 

    oh my gosh!! seems like you wrote the chronicle of my last week…. the rebound guy, the anonymous hero in the story of "how i get over thet idiot"

  2. criolle johnny says:
    Sat, 9th Jul 201110:58 pm 

    But, B-U-T … What if your friends weren't in the club and you both got very drunk and ended up back at his place?
    What if your stepping stone was a warm one night thing you needed to get over someone else?
    Would it still be rape?

  3. Nika says:
    Sat, 9th Jul 201111:02 pm 

    Omg…you completly described my life right now…If only he could stumble upon this and get the message…

  4. m g says:
    Sun, 10th Jul 201112:37 am 

    haha, this was so me (i.e. the rebound guy). Oliva–as a fellow horn, i appreciate the sincerity you put forth in this article. it has provided me with the necessary insight

  5. RCM says:
    Sun, 10th Jul 20117:05 pm 

    yes.

  6. criolle johnny says:
    Wed, 13th Jul 20119:30 pm 

    Two people are equally inebriated and only one is accountable for HIS behavior. I believe this meets the definition of sexism.
    Even if SHE is using HIM as a rebound, only HE is accountable?
    Devil's advocate … hoping to stir debate.

  7. Victoria says:
    Thu, 21st Jul 20111:11 am 

    Great post. Perfect description, lol.

  8. cassie says:
    Sun, 24th Jul 20112:40 am 

    criolle johnny, you are missing the point.

  9. criolle johnny says:
    Sun, 24th Jul 20113:52 am 

    I was bringing up my usual point. When, if ever, (coma splice?) are women responsible, for anything?
    This open letter acknowledges using the rebound guy as an emotional tampon. What if she had used him as an emotional vibrator?
    What if she woke while HE was still passed out drunk?
    Is a woman ever accountable?
    If a man uses and dumps a woman, he's an asshole.
    If a woman cheats, she's "finding herself".
    If an older man hangs around the college club, he's a "creeper". If an older woman does the same thing, she's an "empowered liberated cougar".
    When I rant against this double standard, I'm "missing the point".
    I call it throwing the bullshit flag.

  10. christine says:
    Sun, 24th Jul 20116:54 pm 

    where's my violin?

  11. criolle johnny says:
    Mon, 25th Jul 201112:14 pm 

    Is THAT how you respond to a MAN'S emotional needs? Women always wonder why men fail to open up about our needs and passions. You complain that we fail to communicate.
    When we try,we get responses like Christine's.
    You and that violin (and all those cats) should get well acquainted in your dotage.

  12. Lessons says:
    Mon, 25th Jul 20113:22 pm 

    I think if you were actually apologetic and learned something- you would say this to him directly.

    But also- he should've taken the hint and stopped trying and caring so much, else he become the perpetual doormat.

  13. whatever says:
    Wed, 27th Jul 20119:52 am 

    gosh you're such a bitch.

  14. Diogenes says:
    Thu, 28th Jul 20119:38 am 

    You make an excellent point. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

  15. Diogenes says:
    Thu, 28th Jul 201111:50 am 

    Well, congratulations, Johnny, you've discovered the secret! Contrary to what we've had drilled into our heads for time out of mind, there are tons of double standards which benefit women over men. You can make any behavior "appear" good, or bad, to gullible people just by the name you stamp on it. Think of the fact that a woman and man, of the same age, can have the same number of past sexual partners, leading to the woman being called a slut, while the guy gets props. What it means is that when two people engage in similar behavior, that behavior is called by one name when the man engages in it, and another when the woman does, leading to two different verdicts. BUT…if you open your eyes and look, you'll observe that the same self-righteous females are guilty of this behavior, too:

    A woman and a man both consider themselves to be smoking hot. Reactions:
    a) "The woman has high self-esteem for considering herself hot."
    b) "The man has a huge 'ego' for considering himself hot."
    VERDICT: She has self-esteem…he's egotistical.

    A woman and a man are both making legitimate complaints about chauvinism from the opposite sex. Reactions:
    a) "She's speaking up for women."
    b) "He's whining."
    VERDICT: He's an angry, bitter male.

    She's having trouble getting aroused in the bedroom, so is he. Reactions:
    a) “Her lack of arousal must be because he’s not spending enough time on foreplay.”
    b) “His lack of arousal must mean that he can’t ‘get it up’.”
    VERDICT: HE'S having bedroom troubles.

    …and those are just a few examples; the tip of the iceberg. Our friend here openly admits to using this rebound guy (and finding someone else while he’s still trying with her). But she spends so much time padding this absurd post with details about HER heartache that you'd almost wind up feeling more sorry for her, even though her ex probably had a good idea dumping her in the first place. More to the point, if a guy behaved the way our friend here did, what would the verdict be?

  16. usabilityspree says:
    Thu, 28th Jul 20118:10 pm 

    If I could upvote you a thousand times, I would.

  17. alice says:
    Fri, 29th Jul 20114:52 pm 

    Criolle Johnny, I think you need to stop bringing up the whole rape thing. Honestly, it's offensive. Obviously, when people have sex while drunk it's hard to say if anyone is at fault, and we can't immediately name the guy a rapist. And if both are drunk then it's not fair to put the blame on either of them. But, I know that enough horrible stuff happens to women and many, many women suffer immensely due to the actions of rapists, so rape needs to be taken seriously. We need to look into every single possible rape case because it's not okay to ignore a woman who might need help. So please stop trying to pretend that no man is responsible for raping a woman. Real rape does happen and I find it incredibly offensive that at any given opportunity you begin to advertise your slogan "drunk sex isn't rape", even when the subject matter at hand has nothing to do with it.

  18. Jon says:
    Sat, 30th Jul 20115:19 pm 

    Have you considered how thankful he is to not be with someone who would not love him in the long-run?

    There should be no guilt involved.

    Egoism fuels guilt and vice versa, ad infinitum.

    In terms of some of the comments here.. When your intentions come from a place of equality and respect, guys will quickly "get the hint".. However, if you have the need to feel superior, it will likely lead to guilt which may communicate the wrong message.

    Don't know how i got here, was reading about preparing for a job interview.. Great site though !!

  19. Taylor says:
    Sun, 31st Jul 20119:40 pm 

    Funniest thing I have read in my life! I am tearing up from laughing. Sounds exactly like my life. Great job Olivia!

  20. Jeremy says:
    Mon, 1st Aug 201112:20 am 

    hahahahaha! This is hilarious. I love it. The whole time reading this article, I thought she was going to bang his brains out. But no, it was just a date and some text messages. Come on! How is that a rebound if you don't even have sex? If the guy you're talking about has any game whatsoever, he would be trying with and probably successful with multiple girls while sending you those text messages.

    I don't even consider thinking about a girl before I've had sex with her. After that, she's usually emotionally hooked. Surprisingly even most sluts have some degree of emotional attachment after hooking up with me. But any moderately intelligent guy should know that you bang a girl first and then think or feel or whatever it is you want to do. If you start doing that emo stuff before you get (read: have sex with) the girl, chances are all you'll get is your own thoughts and none of that sweet juicy (or nasty) poonani.

    And guys, I hope that if you are the rebound guy at some point in your life, it's the best thing is the world. No strings. Just sex. And the best part is that you can always keep your eye out for another spinner. Who know's maybe she'll be worthy of dating. But until that time, the rebound girl, however messed up in the head she may be, will have to do. At least for what she's good for.

  21. Rob says:
    Sat, 18th Feb 20121:53 pm 

    You’re a whore and so are all the whores who agree with you.

  22. john says:
    Sun, 19th Feb 201210:31 am 

    idk if you never felt for him you should have kissed him i just found out that i myself was a rebound guy and this girl who was my friend strung me along for a good bit then came out with it that she never liked me and i was just a rebound for her this to me seemed to come out of no where and fucked me up a good bit so as a FORMER rebound guy is if you need someone to take your mind off of your ex just go to a bar and fuck someone random guy dont play on peoples emotions

  23. Bob Hope says:
    Sun, 8th Apr 20122:06 am 

    I hope the rebound guy got to fuck your slutty ass plenty.

  24. Riley says:
    Fri, 4th May 201211:34 pm 

    I am not impressed at all. Olivia's 'honesty' seems a day late and a dollar short, as the saying goes. She used another human being to meet her needs, at his expense, behind his back, and she did so knowingly.

    The glib apology and the flimsy excuse "terrible timing" are just cop outs. It wasn't just "terrible timing" on his part, it was terrible indecency on her part – using another human being is never okay and certainly should not be fodder for a low rate journalism student to get off trying to look clever and cute on an online faux-confessional.

    LAME.

  25. Cassie says:
    Fri, 4th May 201211:35 pm 

    Agreed!

  26. Christopher says:
    Mon, 6th Aug 20127:15 am 

    I dont think this is a actual narrative of events that transpired. She's letting rebound guys into the psyche, the emotional wiring of a woman who has just left a relationship. Its impossible to love someone so soon after a, say year long, relationship. It's quite helpful. Rather stay away from people that have just left a relationship because they will used you as temporary escape. Good read tho.

  27. birthday ideas for husband says:
    Wed, 12th Sep 20128:28 am 

    Very informative post with lots of good information. Will absolutely be continuing to learn more. It seems like you spend lots of work into it, and it shows. Thanks!!

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