Are You An Annoying Couple?

Everyone has either been a part of, party to, possible enabler of, and/or wished they had food poisoning in the presence of, that couple. We’ve all encountered that couple. It’s hard to find the right adjective to adequately ascribe to them. I mean, seriously, whenever you think of them you just think of them as that couple. They just piss/depress/annoy you so much that language actually fails to form in your brain. A lot of couples are guilty of being that couple at one point in their relationship or another. Often it’s during the honeymoon or newlywed periods. Basically, when it all feels like the beginning.

But how do you know if you’re being that couple, or at least that you’re witnessing the aneurysm-provoking spectacle that is that couple?

If you finish each other’s sentences, then you’re that couple.

If everything leads you back to a story about your significant other, sweet Jesus, you are that couple.

If you refer to yourselves only as “we” then you’re DEFINITELY that couple.

If every time you speak to each other you use a different pet name, you’re that couple, and you create an awkwardly inadequate feeling amongst all those in your presence.

If you only make eye contact with each other, you’re that couple and rude. To everyone else. And that’s uber-annoying!

If you color coordinate your outfits, you’re that couple, and you need help. Possibly involving electroshock treatments.

If all of your single friends no longer return your phone calls, you’re that couple and past the point of an intervention.

If everything you say is backhanded proof about how your relationship is better than every other relationship, then you’re that couple…and I would use my slap bet on you!

If you constantly hold hands, publicly make out, or get each other off under the table without justification, provocation, or invitation (i.e. an orgy), you’re that couple…and showing off. WE GET IT! YOU HAVE LOTS OF SEX! That, too shall pass…mwahahaha (bitters are just what you put in martinis).

People have every right to be happy. I wish for every couple to be madly in love and achieve a lifetime of happiness. But when you become that couple, you’re not showing happiness, you’re showing a lack of tact, awareness, consideration for the feelings of others around you, and heightening the insecurities of people who want to be in a meaningful (or at least overly affectionate) relationship but aren’t in one. Just because you’re celebrating you’re newfound bliss/monkey sex doesn’t give you the right to be oblivious to the laws of common courtesy. Short of that line, snog all you want!

What’s terrifying to think is that some people consider that couple to be the gold standard for being the perfect couple. Rest easy, everyone outside of the bubble of bliss. You don’t have to try to be the perfect couple. Being that couple doesn’t prove anything except that those two people are either trying too hard or haven’t outgrown the “that” phase yet. Love evolves or devolves. You can’t be that couple forever. Nor should you be.

Telling it like it is,

Dude Cosell



  1. Mel says:

    Oh man, I hate that couple. I think most people are so annoyed with them that they just want them to break up.

    1. Elizabeth says:

      Hahahahah I agree with the everyone just wants them to break up part.

  2. Marisa says:

    I love a man who understands the greatness that is the slap bet.

  3. […] • Are you guys the annoying couple? Probably. Maybe not. Probably. (CollegeCandy) […]

  4. jayjay26 says:

    I'm guilty of being part of "that couple".

  5. Steffie Weffie says:

    Well, I just think that the writer is an unhappy camper! The only time Mr. Snugglebuns and I have fought is when we had to deal with evil people, like bosses and such, but then we'd realize when we talked it over, we were on the same side of the issue, just looking at it from a different angle! Then we'd kiss and make up. You is like that dude in the checkout line at Target who told us to pleease stop being so cute and was totally shocked that we'd been married for eleven years, three of which we've been with each other 24/7, except for the 48 hours sweetie had to go to his uncle's funeral out of state, which was miserable! We called each other constantly and I covered for him at work while watching David Lynch's Dune on repeat. We eat, work, play, sleep and have lotsa fun together! You is just jellie! I hope all you haterz someday find someone who makes you as happy as we are!

  6. Ariana says:

    Is this writer happily married.. Then what credibility does she have on the “successful in love” department??? None… Speculation is all she can give as who is that couple and who might make it or not

  7. Ariana says:

    My parents are that couple… They have twit arguments, but right after that they make up and are that “happy” couple all over again… I hope I find someone that no matter all the fights, and lows, we can be blissfully in love all over again…. Maybe less people would get divorced if they could be that couple more often

  8. Verdon says:

    If both of you sit on the same side in a restaurant booth, then you are that couple.

  9. Anon says:

    I feel like throwing up when I see that couple. My roommate and her bf were that couple. He never left our room until about 1am, the two of them would snuggle on her bed and just talk about stupid stuff for hours-starting at 10pm until he left might I add. They would go to the convenience store together, do laundry together and if one of them decided to even suggest that they go somewhere without the other, the other would immediately say "No! I wanna go with you! Lemme go with you! You don't care about my feelings!" I wanted to shake the both of them until their teeth rattled out of their mouths.
    If you never go anywhere without your significant other, you are that couple.
    This article is so accurate. Being that couple is not cute; it's rude. If people invite you to hang out with them, they want to hang out with a pair of individuals, not a two-headed monster.

  10. SSW says:

    *gigglesnort* Ohhh god, my bro and his girl (who invited themselves to stay at my house, btw) were THAT couple. Worse, they would invite me to do things with them and then commence being all over each other only once I became interested in whatever we were doing/watching. They were angrily puzzled at my irritation. Seriously, loving someone shouldn't mean you stop giving a crap about everyone else's feelings.

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