For all the dudes out there that can’t stand poetry, there’s a new art form for you. It’s called Broetry. Yes, poems for bros. Popular broet Brian McGackin has compiled a collection of his own works in a book cunningly titled Broetry, which he calls a “literary chili cheeseburger.”
Now that broetry is taking the literary world by storm, I’ve taken it upon myself to write a broem of my own. This is broetry is its purest form, for the bros, about the bros. I give you, Ode to the Bro Style. *dims lights*
This is a broem about your (campus) style, bros. Particularly, you Sloppy Joes.
We love the clothes you wear, just not the way you wear ’em.
It’s hard for us to say anything, ’cause then you’ll throw a tantrum.
Your shirt’s a little dingy and your pants are always saggy
Don’t think I haven’t noticed, wearing belts just makes you aggy.
You’re pretty keen on chest thumps, finger foods and bars
Yet your decision making skills are far too often below par.
I know you felt the beer dripping down your face that evening
But somehow you still missed the connection between the stained shirt and a good cleaning.
The sniff and fold the next morning seemed logical to you
After a night filled with stumbling girls and cologne that (now) smells of brew.
You love those dirty sneakers, you wear them religiously
Although you sniff em before you wear em, looking around suspiciously.
That alone should be an indication (a girl could only hope)
that perhaps they’ve reached their expiration. Time to say goodbye, bro.
We’ve got school pride just like you do, and we love our alma mater
but on your way to class, many times you dont even bother
to put on something other than that hole-y school sweatshirt,
or anything without holes in it, or chili stains, or just plain dirt.
We know you can do better, we’ve seen you do it!
But the crew neck tees and basketball shorts, we just cant deal with.
Girls like em rough around the edges, yes this is true.
But you’ve taken ‘rough’ and ‘edges’ to a whole ‘nother level, and of this we don’t approve.
Simply brushing your hair really shows us that you care.
And taking an iron to your shirt every once in a while almost brings me to tears!
See, we (sometimes) care about you, you should care about you too!
So that’s why I’m presenting these three things to you:
A Tide pen for your stains, carry it with you always
A brush for that moptop of yours, (Some grooming is always appreciated.)
And a toothbrush for those dingy kick (if you keep ’em, at least clean ’em!)
Good luck and goodbye to the sloppy joe style,
we’ll be seeing the new you in just a little while.