Ask A Dude: How Do I NOT Scare Him Off?

By The Dude

Dear Dude,

So I was recently visiting my best guy friend who has an internship an hour away from where I go to school/live. I was introduced to one of his friends on my first night and ended up staying at his place after a night out. My guy friend gave me major grief but he approved, and his friend got my number to hang out later. The next night when we went out again I ended up back at his place for the second night in a row. He was really nice, funny, and we had a lot in common. He was nicer than a lot of other college guys I’ve dealt with. The next day he walked me to the subway stop, asked if I would be back and I said maybe. He kept texting me through out the day I left and stuff. So now I’m home, I really liked him thought he was cute and funny. I would really like to see him again but I don’t know how to go about it. Please help I can’t get him off my mind and could use some great man advice.

sincerely,

City Summer Queen

Dear City Summer Queen,

Nobody wants to f*ck things up. You’re at a delicate part of the dance where you don’t want to step on his toes but don’t want to dip him either. It’s a bad idea to force yourself on him with fantasies of marriage but if you show no interest then you have a chance at spurning him away. It’s a bit of a balancing act to not let yourself be carried away. On the other hand, what’s so wrong with getting carried away?

If he’s interested (and you’ve certainly given hearsay testimony to a lot of physical evidence that he does), then he’ll love it if you show some interest, too. Let him know when you’re coming back into town. See if there’s an event you want to go to and invite him along. There’s also nothing wrong with calling to check in and see how he’s doing or telling him “I had fun, lets plan on when to do it again.” Keep the channels of communication open just don’t flood them messages.

Look, lots of people are afraid of pushing things too hard and too fast. But how fast is too fast? That can only be answered case by case.

Again, if he’s interested  don’t overthink it by overplaying “the game.” Play it straight. Play it as it lies. And play it one step at a time. You might be at the beginning of something. The only way to find out for sure is to put yourself out there a little bit.

A comforting thought: He might be nervous about the exact same thing…

I say the biggest risk, if you like this guy, is to let three months go by while you do nothing. Keep it casual but keep it interesting.

Geronimo! 

The Dude