Sexy Time: Why Sluts Have All The Fun

“Good girls always end up single because we don’t give it up.”

A tweet similar to this popped up on my Twitter timeline, and my first reaction was merely to roll my eyes and keep scrolling. But hours later, it continued to haunt me. This attitude that you have to be sexually available in order to get a boyfriend isn’t exactly new. I remember in middle school, the girls who always had a steady stream of boyfriends were always surrounded by the rumors that it’s because they gave blow jobs. Even now, I have friends who constantly attract male attention, and other women speculate that it’s because they’re easier to have sex with, and guys can pick up on this.

I understand how this idea comes to fruition. I don’t agree with it (slut shaming, general hatefulness, and completely ignoring the role men play in gender dynamics are three of my least favorite things), but I get it. Our society’s relationship and conceptualization of female sexuality is weird, at best. We expect women to be pretty, sexually desirable, and comfortable with engaging with sexual activity, but not “excessively” so. There’s also a strand of competitiveness that tends to creep into women’s interactions with other women, and so naturally, if we feel like we’re “losing”, we’re going to be inclined to bash our competition, which doesn’t really do anything for us. Because I mean, while we’re sitting here seething and hating on the girls who may or may not be dirty, slutty whores, they’re still out there, meeting and entrancing guys, while the good girls hang out on the sidelines.

So instead of shaming sluts, let’s talk about the reason why the sluts get the guys. It’s not actually about whether or not their vaginas are open for business. It’s all about attitude. It’s about owning exactly who you are. The thing with “slutty” girls is that they don’t care about the rules. They wear heels as high as they want to, with dresses as short as they want, and they flirt as much as they want to, and they’re not worried about anyone else’s opinion of them. They’re just out there, living life and having fun. That’s attractive. That’s intoxicating. People like being around other people who aren’t bogged down in superficial baggage. You don’t have to be slutty to be attractive. You have to be you.

I’m one of the most awkward women you’d ever meet. I’m bad at making eye contact. I get rambly. Sometimes I say “f*ck” too much. I’d much rather spend my Saturday night laying in bed, eating Smartfood, and watching the Lifetime Movie Network than going out to bars. I trip when I wear my favorite stilettos. And I’m in an awesome relationship with a sexy boy when before I met him, I barely knew how to give a BJ. Why is that? Because I came to terms with who I am a long time ago. I’m aware that I’m flawed, that I’ll never be Megan Fox fierce, and I’m content with it. I focus on being the best version of myself, instead of being the “better” version of someone else.

Once you become comfortable with who you are — whether you are a girl who has sex on the first date or a girl who is waiting for marriage, you can get attention from guys (or girls). Just have the confidence to be exactly who you are, and someone will notice.



    1. Rebecca says:

      I think part of the reason women get so competitive about relationships and men is that often too much of our self esteem is invested in our relationship status and attractiveness to the opposite sex. It should be nice to have a boyfriend because it's another person to spend time with, have fun (and sex) with and support you and fight your corner if need be. Not because it provides us with validation that someone finds us attractive and interesting enough to date.

    2. Freya says:

      I liked this article and I like the idea of reclaiming the word "slut", but I don't think it works in this context. Women are called sluts if they dress provocatively and/or have more than an average amount of sex. Some women who do this are the typical Sam from sex in the city; they're confident, enjoy sex and are not afraid to go out and get it. I don't think that's true of all girls that have a lot of sex though. Some do it out of social pressure, insecurity or low self esteem. I don't think either group of girls deserves to be hated on, I just don't think we can assume that *all* girls that have a lot of sex are doing it for healthy reasons.

      I think it's similar for girls that don't have a lot of sex, some are not having sex because they feel that they're better off waiting for a solid relationship/marriage and wouldn't enjoy casual sex, others are just terrified of sex and have decided to avoid the whole issue instead of working through why they're so scared.

      I don't think we should hate on anyone whatever they're reasons for (not) having sex, but I don't think we can clump together girls just based on how sexually active they are.

      1. Rachel says:

        I don't totally agree. We can't ever really know what someone else's motivations for having/not having sex are, so why not assume the best (that they are/are not having sex for healthy reasons) and clump them that way? That way we're less tempted to get all judgey, no matter what.

        The exception is close friends; you probably know them well enough to be able to tell if they are having sex for unhealthy reason, and you should definitely bring up your concern to them if they are..

      2. Freya says:

        For me, if I don't know why someone's acting a certain way I just prefer to admit that I don't know (unless like you say it's a close friend and you can tell why they're acting that way).

        I don't think not knowing someone's motivations mean you have to judge them, whatever their motivation as long as they're not hurting anyone, there would be no reason to judge them for what they're doing.

        I think it's much more honest to realize that people are complicated; they do things for all manner of reasons, and not to make any assumptions without knowing the person well enough to know why they make the choices they do.

    3. Hayley says:

      Great article! Life is all about confidence in yourself.

      1. Liz says:

        Agreed, however, the "sluts" I know don't have any confidence in themselves, hence why they are "slutty".

      2. alice says:

        Why would not being confident make some who sleeps around "slutty"? Why do we value less the people who are not confident? Isn't the point to treat everyone equally, not to shame the under-confident ones?

    4. […] Sluts have all the fun. …OR DO THEY?! -College Candy […]

    5. eve donegan says:

      Totally agree…it is all about confidence. See how to nab a guy (whether you're slutty or not) at my relationship blog:

    6. John says:

      Here's a guy's perspective. I disagree! It's not about confidence. I know a lot of non-slutty girls whom are very confident. "Slutty" girls are just a lot more easy going, and thus, easier to hang out with. I am deeply religious, and I am saving myself for marriage. However, I've recently noticed that many of the girls I hang out with are the "slutty" ones. It is just a lot easier to call one of them up and say, "Let's grab lunch or hang out." The "good" girls always seem to have this wall up and are very selective in whom they hang out with. They are only willing to hang out with their ideal "Prince Charming." Just be easy-going.

      1. Alysha says:

        Are you sure about that? Maybe they don't want to hang out with you because they don't like you or you're ugly.

    7. Ash says:

      Idk about the article, but omg those shoes are cute!

    8. Cappy says:

      So Im totally one of those girls whose been called a slut a few times and I can honestly say that people might think that because I'm rly happy with myself and some (not all) guys like that. I have fun in whatever I do and I love my life. Im extremely easy going and pretty much give guys a chance. Besides being "slutty" Ive never stolen a guy from a girl or anything like that, which im totally against. I'm all about having fun and being me which some girls have a huge problem with. And yeah I do wear heals way to high and sometimes a dress thats a little to short

    9. […] But seriously. Sluts seem to have all the fun. (College Candy) […]

    10. Thatgirl says:

      So girls who don’t put out are boring and difficult to talk to? I find this article kind of insulting and stereotypical. I’ve only slept with one guy after months of dating, LOVE having daily sex, where the sickest heels you’ve ever seen, and most of my guy friends find me really easy going. But no, I’m not a slut that sleeps around, not that I have a problem with that. All people are just different, you can’t just clump them into one group.

      Judging some one who doesn’t sleep around is just as bad as judging someone who does.

      1. Jenna says:

        I don't think she was judging people who didn't have a lot of sex, just pointing out that the reason girls who seem slutty are so popular with guys is that they're confident and comfortable within themselves. I don't think she meant that girls who don't sleep around much can't have these qualities too.

      2. Julie says:

        Word. I think Thatgirl kind of missed the point (no offense, Thatgirl!)

      3. Gomiloma says:

        "where the sickest heals you've ever seen" I don't hate sluts, but man I hate retarded sluts!

      4. boobs says:

        She said "heels". Stupid.

      5. Ashley says:

        Thatgirl, I think you misinterpreted her point. She wasn't judging how "boring and difficult to talk to" a girl is based on the amount of sex she has, rather on the type of person the girl is. Girls who aren't afraid to be themselves are usually more likeable and more fun to be around than those who pretend to be someone they're not. How much sex their having has nothing to do with that.

    11. lare says:

      It is indeed about confidence, and the writer also sounds to be wife material – than one night stand material. Slutty girls may get the boys, but only for a short while. I could never accept my self marrying a slut.

    12. Toni says:

      Obviously I was drawn into this article by those incredible shoes.. I want! But I think that there'a lot of truth in your article. Confidence is key, but there is also a balance needed between being completely unwilling to be vulnerable with guys and being a slut. Finding a good middle group has seemed to work best in my experience. Guys don't want to date a prude, or a slut.

    13. Kat says:

      ugh…. really? NO NO NO!!!!! I am a GOOD girl… AKA im not just gonna jump in the bed after a few dates…Those girls are SLUTS yes if you have sex and do this a lot after just meeting some one you are. A one night stand once or twice okay not bad. but going out every weekend and sleeping or doing other sexual acts is trashy. I can get along with just about anyone… aka im not an uptight religious chick.
      I do however believe that I only deserve the best, but i know that mr. perfect does not exist.

      btw there are those girls in between lets not forget about those….

    14. ErikZ says:

      I don't think it has anything to do with sluttiness.

      It has to do with "Do you like guys?"

      I'm not talking about being a lesbian. If you like guys, you genuinely enjoy being around them, and will work to spend more time around them. Guys love women who love being around guys.

      You should leave your High School ideas back in High School.

    15. Jessica says:

      Don't get me wrong but I find this article really insulting I consider myself a good girl with some naughtiness I don't jump into bed with the first guy I meet,I don't wear tiny,reveling clothing I respect my image guys like sluts because they are extreamly easy to get into bed meanwhile a good girl (Like myself) will wait until the third of fourth date to do so

    16. Thank, Q says:

      Great post! Being comfortable is what it's all about. Everything you said about the "slut" is true. They are more fun to be around which is why even if she puts out or not, most guys will still feel like they're having a good time when around her.

    17. Brody says:

      Girls everywhere and all you emasculated "men" who are trying so hard to be politically correct at the expense of your masculinity, listen up.

      Men and women are equals. This does not mean that they are equal in every single thing they do. For example, men are, on average, physically stronger than women. It is much easier for a semi attractive (even a 6/10) woman to go out and get laid. The same cannot be said about men. Men have to work at it, have some skill (game) and thereby get a woman to sleep with them. It is a LOT harder for an equally attractive man to get women than it is the other way around. This is one of reasons behind why we, as a society, naturally celebrate men who are successful in bedding multiple women; while at the same time shame women who bed multiple men.

      Let us briefly visit the topic of virginity from both perspectives. Virginity in a man is not a desirable state or label when it comes to an attribute that the opposite sex wants. This is because he has obviously not been preselected by other women. However, female virginity is not looked at negatively in the least by men. If she looks decent, no man cares if the girl is a virgin or not. In fact, a female virgin is often wanted more.

      Now don't get me wrong, men LOVE sluts. We will never turn down an opportunity to sleep with a good looking slut. Partly because she's good in bed, partly because it's sex. But any decently intelligent, self-respecting man will know that it is a terrible idea to emotionally involve himself (i.e. date) with a slutty girl. That would be a very dumb move. Why would any man want to get emotionally involved with a girl who's had 15+ sexual partners? We would just be setting ourselves up for failure. There are many nice worthy girls out there who don't have daddy issues and haven't slept with an entire fraternity house. But, by all means, fvck the brains out of sluts in the meanwhile.

      Most guys can detect when a girl is a slut by the first few dates and by what he hears about the girl from other people and from the girl herlself. We put this information together and figure out if she is dating material or not. If not, I like most guys, will still go in for the prize but have no intention of following through with dating the dirty little tart.

      To put it simply, a lock that can be opened by many keys is a useless lock and of little worth. But a key that can open many locks is a master key and is valuable.

    18. panadda says:

      I think that there are also men sluts. Men that think that sex is something that olsuhd be done as often and with as many woman as possible. They produce children they do not support and they produce little boys that grow up to be sluts.The labling of slut is something used to cause someone to examine there behavior and hopefully with some moral tweeking change there slutty ways.So boys and girls don’t be a slut, don’t produce sluts, find someone to love you for ever, Marry them and live happly ever after.

    19. Sean says:

      I’ve written before about women’s sexual “liberation” and how Game provides similar “liberation” to men. What I didn’t get around to discussing is that Game is in fact a direct result of said women’s liberation. The feminists themselves have created the pick-up artists and players they are now so fond of despising.

      Back in the “good old days”, people got married. If they didn’t get married, they by and large didn’t have sex either. This applied equally to men and women. Infamous womanizers in those days were not looked upon kindly by society at large. For a bunch of them to get together to exchange tips and tricks for bedding women faster would hardly have been publicly tolerated. “Players” of the time, like the eponymous Giacomo Casanova, largely made their trade by seducing unsuspecting damsels with promises of marriage and then absconding into the night before their fathers found out. It was a dangerous Game back then.

      Then came feminism and women’s “liberation” – these women, for some reason, felt that the old rules were not so much for their own protection as for the sick enjoyment of evil patriarchs who got off on oppressing women by making them submit to possessive patriarchal desires. A discussion of those claims will not be included in this article, because, frankly, I like to spend my time discussing things that make sense. In any case, these women wanted the freedom to have sex with anyone and everyone with impunity, and the evil patriarchs, being the sadistic bastards they are, gave the women exactly what they wanted.

      Now, it was okay for a woman to be as big a slut as she liked, and consequently, it was also okay for a man to sleep with one without any designs for marriage. This opened the field for unapologetically professional players. Those men who found the lifestyle of a serial conqueror alluring could now practice their craft with impunity, and “liberated” women were available in ample supply to give them all the practice they wanted.

      Now, “The Game” was truly born. Regular Joes could avail themselves of the practically inexhaustible slut supply of their home cities without having to run from shotgun-wielding fathers while doing their day jobs on the side. Players’ reputations could spread, and they could find each other and network, and no one had anything to say to that. The “seduction community” was formed.

      Wherever information gathers, innovation will flourish and scientific progress will accelerate. So, too, in the seduction community – it didn’t take long before its pooled talents had distilled the process of getting into a girl’s pants into very pure and very effective forms. Armed with unprecedented tactical knowledge, players of a new breed never before seen flowed forth into the streets, bars, nightclubs and grocery stores.

      Before the new breed of trained players, women were rendered powerless. The sluts and the shy girls alike fell before the might of the industrially optimized players – right onto their beds with their Birkenstocks in the air.

      Women are slowly starting to wake up to the fact that it’s getting difficult to secure commitment from men any more. Not all of them are ready to face the fact that giving the milk away for free isn’t the greatest way to sell the cow, and even those who face facts can do little about the abundance of free milk available to any man willing to learn Game.

      What women really ought to do if they want to make men commit again is push for the reversal of their original “liberation”, but I’m not holding my breath for that one. What they are doing instead is further shooting their own gender in the foot with dating advice that’ll guarantee a lonely cat-filled future.

      The feminists made their bed, and now their daughters lie in it with men who won’t remember their faces a month and ten more girls later.

      Oh, and if any of the women I refer to as “sluts” here take offense, it’s wholly unjustified, because – haven’t you heard? – “slut” is now an empowering, positive term!

    20. Tired says:

      Slutty women-as you call them-are women who are happy with themselves. They don't need to get to know a man because they know what they want. They make their desires known and men are simply happy to cater to them.

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