“Good girls always end up single because we don’t give it up.”
A tweet similar to this popped up on my Twitter timeline, and my first reaction was merely to roll my eyes and keep scrolling. But hours later, it continued to haunt me. This attitude that you have to be sexually available in order to get a boyfriend isn’t exactly new. I remember in middle school, the girls who always had a steady stream of boyfriends were always surrounded by the rumors that it’s because they gave blow jobs. Even now, I have friends who constantly attract male attention, and other women speculate that it’s because they’re easier to have sex with, and guys can pick up on this.
I understand how this idea comes to fruition. I don’t agree with it (slut shaming, general hatefulness, and completely ignoring the role men play in gender dynamics are three of my least favorite things), but I get it. Our society’s relationship and conceptualization of female sexuality is weird, at best. We expect women to be pretty, sexually desirable, and comfortable with engaging with sexual activity, but not “excessively” so. There’s also a strand of competitiveness that tends to creep into women’s interactions with other women, and so naturally, if we feel like we’re “losing”, we’re going to be inclined to bash our competition, which doesn’t really do anything for us. Because I mean, while we’re sitting here seething and hating on the girls who may or may not be dirty, slutty whores, they’re still out there, meeting and entrancing guys, while the good girls hang out on the sidelines.
So instead of shaming sluts, let’s talk about the reason why the sluts get the guys. It’s not actually about whether or not their vaginas are open for business. It’s all about attitude. It’s about owning exactly who you are. The thing with “slutty” girls is that they don’t care about the rules. They wear heels as high as they want to, with dresses as short as they want, and they flirt as much as they want to, and they’re not worried about anyone else’s opinion of them. They’re just out there, living life and having fun. That’s attractive. That’s intoxicating. People like being around other people who aren’t bogged down in superficial baggage. You don’t have to be slutty to be attractive. You have to be you.
I’m one of the most awkward women you’d ever meet. I’m bad at making eye contact. I get rambly. Sometimes I say “f*ck” too much. I’d much rather spend my Saturday night laying in bed, eating Smartfood, and watching the Lifetime Movie Network than going out to bars. I trip when I wear my favorite stilettos. And I’m in an awesome relationship with a sexy boy when before I met him, I barely knew how to give a BJ. Why is that? Because I came to terms with who I am a long time ago. I’m aware that I’m flawed, that I’ll never be Megan Fox fierce, and I’m content with it. I focus on being the best version of myself, instead of being the “better” version of someone else.
Once you become comfortable with who you are — whether you are a girl who has sex on the first date or a girl who is waiting for marriage, you can get attention from guys (or girls). Just have the confidence to be exactly who you are, and someone will notice.