
Let me begin by thanking Cosmopolitan magazine for being the basis of my sex education knowledge. My conservative mother would not sign the “allow your child to take the sex ed” waiver…so I had to turn to Cosmo in the midst of my confusion and all of my wildest sexual fantasies were brought to life, or at least written on a shiny page.
So thank you, Cosmo, for your use of girly language that made everything seem way better than it actually is. For example, having an “ice cream sandwich with my man, naked”…umm no. You forgot to mention that the chocolate sides are apt to getting stuck between my teeth, therefore my go-to “flash him a sexy smile” move is instantly ruined when he mistakes me for a homeless woman and not a sex-kitten eating an ice cream sandwich.
Among the many overrated things I’ve learned from this magazine, my sex-loving friends and boyfriends over the years are certain sex positions. Don’t get me wrong here, I love sex. All day, any day. I love challenging sex, lovey-dovey sex, breakup sex, make-up sex…Okay, you get it, I like sex! In my years of sexual escapades, I’ve tried my fair share of different positions. Let me tell ya, some were mind-blowing, scream out-loud amazing. But some just didn’t make the cut. (Some did and we discussed our fave positions last week!)
Below is my list of least favorite sex positions (and no, Cosmo failed to mention that some are less pleasing than others):
Reverse Cowgirl: I know, I know! Some girls are really into the whole “my ass is in full view of your face” positions. But I, however, am not.
Position rundown: He’s laying down on his back, girl is sitting upright on his junk facing away from his head, legs on either side of his hips as if she’s a “cowgirl riding her cowboy.” It sounds worse than it is, I promise. For one, no clitoral stimulation (unless he’s going to get “handsy” with you). Two, did I mention your butt is in complete full view? As in, your raisin and all that? Somehow I just can’t feel sexy knowing he can literally see more of me than I’ve ever been able to see. And finally, since I’m not facing him, I’ve got too many things to look at and distract me! His TV playing re-runs of The Real World, a painting (for the artsy boy) or his Bob Marley poster (for the college-guy). Needless to say, as hyped-up as this one is, it doesn’t make the cut for me.
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