Sexy Time: 5 Things That Shouldn’t Happen In The Bedroom

I usually make a conscious effort to keep this column as sex-positive and judgment-free as positive. There’s already enough negativity and unnecessary stigma surrounding sex, and I try not to perpetuate it. That said, some things that may happen are a little uncool. There’s just no way to sugarcoat it. So without further ado, five scenarios in which I would kick a guy out of bed (even if he were as sexy as Ryan Gosling).

1. Surprise butt sex.
I get it. The anus and the vagina are pretty close together, especially in certain positions, and a guy could easily make a mistake and go for the other hole. That said, there’s a difference between the accidental poke (ie: the instigator apologizes profusely upon realizing the error of his ways) and a clearly premeditated anal sex attack, which includes a whole lot of feigned ignorance (Really? You didn’t notice the complete lack of lubrication and the unusual tightness?) mixed with a ton of reluctance and a sad face when you don’t go along with it. Pure gauche.

2. Body shaming.
Being nude in front of someone else can be extremely scary. Most of us have at least one part of our body that we’re not 100 percent thrilled about, so when we get naked, we’re vulnerable.  So that means play nice. Whatever flaw you perceive your partner’s body to have? They’ve already noticed it. Don’t pinch someone’s fat and make a face (based on a true story). Don’t scoff at his penis. And don’t spend time exaggeratedly gagging at what you perceive to be excessive amount of genital hair – if that is really an issue, bring it up later, in a mature, thoughtful way. If you ultimately don’t find someone else attractive, that’s totally fine, but there is no reason to be hurtful or disrespectful about it.

3. Pressuring.
Let’s say you really want to try some new position, or introduce a toy, or role play, or whatever. And you express your desire to your partner, and they veto it. Let it go. Move on for now. Don’t whine, pout, or try to emotionally manipulate your partner into doing whatever it is you want to do. Not only is it extremely annoying, but it can also make your partner feel like their opinions aren’t valued.

4. Comparisons.
I’ve thought about other people during sex before. I’m sure all of our minds have wandered, thinking about past experiences or indulging in a little fantasy sex with the celeb of our choice. That’s normal. But, for example, if your partner is going down on you and you can’t stop thinking about the way your ex used to do it, absolutely, under no circumstances, should you say anything like, “Oh, Brandon used to [do it like this/do it so much better].” You can guide your partner without bringing up someone else, especially someone you’ve banged before. That is insensitive, rude and callous.

5. Unwanted aggression
First of all, I’d like to address the practice of men pushing women’s heads down when we’re giving head. For any guys reading this, that is a big bundle of no. If you want us to go harder, faster, deeper, use your words. Most of us have gag reflexes, and we have to work up to porn star BJs. Calm down. On a more general note, please keep it consensual, all the way. If your partner seems hesitant, slow down, communicate, make sure you’re on the same page. Consent is a dynamic concept, and you can’t assume that the second clothes come off, everything is on the table.



    1. Jenny says:

      I thought this was a great article! Couldn't agree more with every point you made!

    2. therelationshipflunkie says:

      Comparisons?!? Aloud and in the moment?!?

      Man. . .

    3. vonbin says:

      preatty obivious ones,everybody should know these things,thou i dont know how old,this article/magazine is directed.but if u are young,take note of these,preatty basic rules,later on u learn more and propably start to teach others how these things work or should,anyways?…and offcourse u create ur own little kinky stuff and other style of enjoyment through another,but that comes much later,when u are in a committed relationship,and basically u have become keep the love alive and dont be afraid to add ur own variations to sex and sexual interaction,let the knowledge breed and grow into all of us=)

    4. katerate says:

      if any of these are actual problems someone encounters when sleeping with someone, perhaps they should reconsider the type of ppl (douchebags) they sleep with

      1. anantahir says:

        I am very handsome and I wanted to be a model. I went to and got very good tips and career opportunies

    5. Penus says:

      yah i tried this out but it really didnt work out very well

    6. BeenThere says:

      Drooling is a no no, too. Take it from me.

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    8. sdf sdf says:

      bu mbum bum

    9. Someone should explain these rules to MILFs

    10. Steve says:

      Here’s another ernxeimept that Josh and his brother performed, also courtesy of the Curiosity Show. This time, in the kitchen:1) Get a wooden match2) Cover just the head of the match in 1 layer of aluminium foil3) Put a pinhole through the foil at the very end of the match head4) Balance the match on the edge of the kitchen sink with the foil-covered head end suspended over the void.5) Get another match, light it.6) Hold the flame under the foil-covered head of the first match7) Watch and be amazed!I think you’re supposed to learn something about jet propulsion from this ernxeimept or something. Watch your fingers!

    11. Jane says:

      Perhaps guys like anal sex due to their penis envy complex, thinking it's too small to pleasure otherwise. I've never got the anal entry attraction, it's just not what that channel of elimination is for is it?

    12. pam says:

      Great article!

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