Friday Faves: Confessions of an Online Dater

September 2, 2011 12:00 pm     Posted in Relationships  Candy -- NYU g+ page


By Candy

I, Courtney, am an online dater. Many of you probably find this weird considering I’m in college, a place filled with more available men than a single woman could ever dream of, but I’m finding it’s more common than you think. The truth is, people just don’t want to admit it.

I first joined OKCupid (yes, that is the name) when I was 16. I had no intentions of dating anyone from the site, I just loved getting messages saying how pretty I was. And throughout high school that was basically what I used it for. I never really found anyone attractive at my high school, or even remotely tolerable, so online dating seemed like a good idea. At least for the confidence boost.

I didn’t rejoin the circuit until sophomore year of college when my friend found a site called Plenty of Fish (we obviously joined it just for the name). My headline for my profile was “I’ma hook, line and sink ya!” Again, I really didn’t have any interest in dating someone online; it was more of a procrastination tool than anything else. (There are a lot of hilarious weirdos out there!)Besides, I was more interested in a boy from one of my classes.

When 2010 hit, though, I started to actually take online dating seriously. I set up a real profile, responded to guys’ flirtatious emails and started going on dates. I became an online dater and while it hasn’t panned out into anything serious yet, I am glad i did.

I’ve always been really busy and haven’t had time to casually wait for some guy to sweep me off my feet. Online dating sites make the sorting process one has to do at a bar easier. And who wants to date someone they met at a bar anyway? With online dating you get to view your potential suitor’s height (always least an inch less than what they say), decent pictures, and (my biggest thing) you can see how they write. Do they know how to use “there, their, and they’re” correctly? Do they use “Z’s” instead of “S’s” or, my least favorite, are they too lazy to spell things out fully (“I lyke 2 go 2 the bar, u do 2?”)

Plus, I was tired of being set up by friends; how many more blind “dates” can someone handle? (And by “dates” I mean meeting up at a party and having him grab a beer from the keg for me.) It’s not like I have a problem meeting people – I’m surprisingly nice and friendly – I just have a problem meeting the right people. You know, the single good looking guys that find my dry humor charming. I also tend to take on the role of the girl friend (not girlfriend) with most of the guys I meet, meaning no chance for romance.

And that is where the Internet came to my aid. I’ve gone on 15 dates with 15 different guys since September. I’ve met a lot of great guys, had a lot of great (free!) meals and even broadened my music collection, thanks to suggestions made by different people from the site. And along with finding potential romantic matches, I’ve also made some decent friends.

So why are people being so secretive about this? It’s a lot of fun to meet people I never would have, but online dating isn’t for everyone. Just like not everyone is lucky to bump into a random person and form a romantic connection with them. But you shouldn’t judge before you join; it is not as weird as movies like Because I Said So make it out to be. Many people are on these sites because they miss being in a relationship but don’t have time or don’t know how to meet people randomly. Or they’re new to town. Or they too are over trying to find love over SoCo lime shots at the campus bar.

AND…isn’t online dating what any girl would want? It’s like online shopping, except there are really cute guys involved and you don’t have to pay for anything. You’ve literally got nothing to lose (either people will message you or they won’t) but a whole lot to gain; online dating has made me more assertive, given me better self-confidence and allowed me to truly flush out what it is I’m looking for.

So my advice? Don’t judge before you join. You never know who else could be out there, and online dating is a great way of testing the waters.

What do you think? Will you join?

[This story was originally posted by Courtney - Bridgewater State University]

4 Comments on "Friday Faves: Confessions of an Online Dater"

  1. Aishia says:
    Sat, 3rd Sep 20111:08 am 

    Wow, this article just inspired me to try online dating. Like you, I never really meet random people that just work out for me. And like you said, if the dates don't work out, it's really fun meeting new people and learning new things. Thanks!

  2. Jane says:
    Sat, 3rd Sep 20111:24 pm 

    Let me preface this by saying that I don't find anything wrong with online dating as long as it's honest and safe. However, I can't bring myself to sign up for these things because 1. I'd be too afraid of people finding my profile and 2. I'd always have to say that we met online. While online dating is common now, people still judge others who use it.

    A quote from How I Met Your Mother:

    Ted: She’s going to tell some bogus story about a cooking class because she’s embarrassed we met online.
    What? There’s no stigma anymore.

    Robin: Oh, there’s a stigma. That’s why people always say, “There’s no stigma anymore.”

  3. Aged Cheddar says:
    Tue, 6th Sep 201112:38 pm 

    Online dating per se is not inherently evil or good. Its evil or goodness lies in the intent of the user. In this case it allows the socially ambivalent user to have a commitment-free outlet for those occasional twinges of romanticism that lead her contemporaries to marriage and family. She need not, for example, establish real relationships in high school (…never really found anyone attractive at my high school, or even remotely tolerable), when she can have an online persona that garners complements and adoring praise from strangers (…just loved getting messages saying how pretty I was.). This has the appearance of enabling a psychological malady, rather than contributing to positive social adjustment and interaction. The user is patently dishonest with herself and others, both online and in her personal interactions, by playing one against the other. This article is less about online dating than an illustration of how some may be seduced by the anonymity and commitment-free nature of the virtual dating world. Who would admit to online dating and be accused of being one of the "…hilarious weirdos out there!" I'm betting Courtney is in for a road when it comes to finding "Mister Right."

  4. Kailee says:
    Tue, 11th Oct 20119:09 am 

    I've been using online dating for years. It has lead to two relationships and many friends. I understand some people's hesitation, again, as the author of this article says it is not for everyone. That is definitely true. But like her, I also have a hard time just meeting random people and establishing a connection. It's hard, I don't know why I can't do it and so many other people can. A lot of my friends don't believe me when I say I have a hard time meeting guys. But it's true. Whenever I go out to bars, guys won't pay attention to me. I even try to go up to them, but they brush me off. Fair enough, bar dating isn't for everyone either. But I found online dating to be a good tool for me. It's easier than going up to someone, and I do usually meet most of the people I talk to.

    I think the whole thing is more or less you have to have a thick skin for it. Yes you will get some pretty wierd messages, but you will also meet some really great people who are just trying to find love just like you are. You have to be willing to try new things and not get too attached right away to someone. People have lost interest and just stopped talking to me. It hurts, but you just have to pick yourself up and move on.

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