Sexy Time: Rape is Too Rampant

September 8, 2011 9:30 am     Posted in Relationships, Sex  Jasmine R. g+ page

Most sexual assaults on college campuses are reported in September. The Department of Justice estimates that at least one in five women will be the victim of rape or attempted rape while she’s in college. Women between the ages of 16 and 24 are four times more likely to be raped than any other demographic of women. To say that this is frustrating and infuriating would be an understatement. The reasons for rape are numerous – between institutionalized patriarchy and general objectification of women to individual needs to assert power, combined with the fact that prosecution of rape is notoriously difficult equals a recipe for sexual violence against women.


By Jasmine R.

In typical discussions of rape, there is a lot of emphasis on”prevention”, and the responsibility always seems to land on women. Rape is a unique crime in that it tends to inspire victim-blaming. If someone is mugged, for example, very rarely do people come out of the woodwork to say they were asking for it, that they could have prevented it, that because of their lack of character, they deserved it. When a woman is raped, it is because she was doing something to invite it. She shouldn’t have been [wearing a skirt/drinking/flirting].

Rape is one of the few instances in where the onus is placed on the victim instead of the perpetrator. This is such an irresponsible stance to take, for many reasons. Rape is about a lack of consent. If a woman says “no” to sex, and she is coerced into it, it doesn’t matter what she’s wearing, if she’s been drinking, if she has a reputation for being promiscuous, or any other justification/excuse for force. The only way a woman can consent is with her words, at that very moment. Everything else is completely irrelevant.

And perhaps, the scariest statistic related to rape, is that most rape is actually not perpetrated by some random predator, that most rape is classified as some form of “acquaintance” rape.  It makes all the sense in the world to tell a woman to be careful when she’s in a room full of strangers, but who doesn’t let their guard down when they’re with people they or their friends know? Maybe it’s because rape is such a callous, inhumane, violent intrusion of someone else’s personal space and well-being that it is hard to wrap our minds around the idea of someone doing that to an acquaintance or lover? Is that why people would rather say that a rape victim is lying than believe her?

There needs to be an active focus on encouraging men not to rape. Encouraging men to be respectful of women, to listen when she says “no”, or expresses hesitation. To not perceive sex as purely an expression of masculinity. To not take advantage of women who are too under the influence to clearly say no. To understand that just because a woman says “yes” to one action doesn’t mean consent extends to every other action. That just because he’s dating someone doesn’t mean he’s ever entitled to sex. There also needs to be a shift away from the massive skepticism that tends to be placed upon women who speak out on their rapes. It is completely sexist that a crime that primarily affects women doesn’t seem to be taken seriously.

16 Comments on "Sexy Time: Rape is Too Rampant"

  1. Jenny says:
    Thu, 8th Sep 201110:20 am 

    Interesting article. Apparently women are more likely than men to blame the victim to a certain extent after a rape. The researchers speculated that this was because women, when they hear about a rape, want to be able to feel in control of preventing the same happening to them, so they attribute the blame to the woman. They can then feel the same wouldn't happen to them because they wouldn't have dressed like that/drunk as much/walked home that way.

    That being said I don't think there's anything wrong with giving women information that help them to protect themselves. While the focus should be on improving conviction rates, and preventing attitudes in some men that might lead them to rape we should still take steps to avoid dangerous situations (just as we would avoid getting burgled or robbed).

  2. Molly Johnson says:
    Thu, 8th Sep 201111:21 am 

    I gave a speech on sexual assault for a class last year so I must comment on this article. In 2004 a football player at the university from which I got my first bachelor's raped a girl (after getting in trouble for repeated sexual misconduct beforehand), and even admitted when he was confronted by school that he wanted to "show women their place." He was expelled until the football coach helped get him back in.

    In addition to your point that the blame should be on the rapists, I have to bring to light the fact that there is a shameful amount of apathy coming from universities when it comes to the rape of students.

  3. Lily says:
    Thu, 8th Sep 201112:01 pm 

    I've been taking a self defense class at a gym recently and the first thing the instructor says is "We must be aware of our surroundings". It makes sense that a predator will be more likely to go after someone who they can overpower. I don't want to come out as a victim-blamer, but when a young college girl drinks a bit too much, they make themselves a more likely target compared to a young college girl who is conscious and alert. I'm not saying that all drunk college girls should be raped or anything like that, but that all girls should be aware of their surroundings. It might not make rape 100% preventable but it can greatly decrease the chances of being in a dangerous situation.

  4. Meg says:
    Thu, 8th Sep 20113:54 pm 

    Girls ought to know the other side of this.

    Last weekend, a girl was at a party at my boyfriend's house. She was falling down drunk and he, trying to be a nice guy, let her stay in his room for the night when she asked. During all of this, she tried kissing him, but he freaked out and left her alone in his room. She woke up several hours later claiming that she "thinks" my boyfriend raped her. He never touched her. Even though all of his roommates can vouch for the fact he was downstairs the entire time, it is being fully investigated.

    My message to girls is to be careful with reporting. My boyfriend is facing being expelled, as well as criminal charges for something he never did. Never mind the fact that he would have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life. On the smaller end of things, his good name is being drug through the mud at our college.

    If you report, check your facts; you could be ruining someone's life in the process.

  5. Nicky says:
    Thu, 8th Sep 20115:01 pm 

    I have to agree, Lily. There's definitely something to be said about using common sense and being aware of your surroundings. I had a roommate who constantly put herself in dangerous situations, whether it was getting black-out drunk three or four days out of the week at parties or walking home a mile by herself at 1 am. She came home once looking like she'd been hit by a bus, knowing she'd slept with someone or been assaulted, but not remembering much of her night. I'm not blaming her, but I wish she'd taken better care of herself.

  6. Bebs says:
    Thu, 8th Sep 201111:58 pm 

    how could you even tell a story like that on here? Honestly girls who give false rape allegations are ones who cause more problems for woman. Your boyfriend might not have done it, but your boyfriends roomates could be lying for him. She should have taken the steps to get a vaginal check in the morning to see if there was any semen or bruises. Your obviously likely to believe your boyfriend but as a woman you should probably hear what she has to say too before you make a decision.

  7. Meg says:
    Fri, 9th Sep 20119:46 am 

    She did in fact have a rape kit done. We are waiting on the results. I know that I'm more likely to believe my boyfriend, but honestly, my story was meant for women to know the amount of control they have in situations such as this. No matter what evidence is completed, people will always have a tendency to believe the girl. Even if the test comes back negative, the police can still press on with the case if they want to.

    I fully understand that if the rape kit comes back positive, then I will be leaving him and believing the girl. However, until then, I'm believing my sober boyfriend.

    I can tell whatever stories I want on here. I am being completely rational about the situation and there is more evidence stacking against the facts that he didn't do it, over the ones that he did.

    I'm not arguing with you; I think you make a good point. However, as of now, I'm going to believe the 15+ people at the party who believe he didn't do it, over the single, incoherent girl who says he did. Several girls have cried rape over the years at our school purely for attention, who's to say this isn't another?

    And that's all I have to say about that.

  8. criolle johnny says:
    Fri, 9th Sep 20118:01 pm 

    http://www.register-her.com/index.php?title=Main_…
    Nothing else to say.

  9. inuejo5 says:
    Thu, 15th Sep 20111:05 pm 

    I remember when I was sexually assaulted by an acquaintance in college and went to the hospital for a rape kit. The two ladies at the check-in desk in the hospital smiled and smirked when I told them why I was there. The cop who was called out to the hospital asked my friend why I went to the male's house. That is representative of a culture that tolerates bad behavior from males, while shaming and blaming women for sexual assault.

  10. Kyle says:
    Thu, 15th Sep 20119:52 pm 

    That is simply not true at all. ONE girl you know was believed in ONE circumstance. This is quite literally the exception to the rule. All of that investigation happens literally less than 10% of the time. Women are blamed for their own rapes by nurses, doctors, cops, campus safety. People who are supposed to be helping them. That part happens ALL THE TIME whereas your story happens almost never.

  11. Beebee says:
    Fri, 16th Sep 20117:27 pm 

    all I have to say is that our justice system is a sham! I was sexually assaulted during a date when I was 21, my attacker pulled his car over to the side of a local highway where he locked me inside and raped me as I heard cars drive by and prayed someone would help me. I reported my attack and endured the hell of a rape kit, with tears in my eyes and my older sister holding my hand to comfort me.

    nurses informed ne that a cathader needed to be used to continue the exam and rape kit because I had severe bruising and lacerations.

    that happened with my case … officers interviewed my attacker where of course he claimed innocence and consent when his DNA was confirmed in the rape kit.

    I was called all kinds of names by police…. I was asked “how many times would (i)date someone before sleeping with them”…. and the police wrote in the report that my attackers car ( a standard sedan) was “too small” for him to rape a woman in. they then dismissed the case siting that they couldn’t prove the case…. upon hearing this I told the officers that when he rapes another woman it will be their fault because I did what I was supposed to do. so they then wrote in the report that I was uncooperative.

    2 yrs later my advocate, while researching my case, discovered on my attackers Facebook he wrote about how “no means yes” and posted public photos of a stab wound with the caption “some bitch stabbed me last week!”. my Advocate searched to find if this stabbing had been reported to police, and he didn’t report it at all… which made my advocate believe he possibly was stabbed trying to rape another girl…. yet when she took the photos and writing of how “no means yes” to cops they told her to “leave it alone”.

    basically nobody in law is caring that he’s out there doing all this!

    this is why women don’t report, it hurts them further and society takes the side of the rapist while coddling the rapist saying “oh poor you!”

  12. JohnnyRiden says:
    Sat, 24th Sep 201111:48 am 

    DOJ did an in depth study of rape in the military. Discovered that roughly half are false accusations ,but in cases of officers it was still wise to remove them. Her story isn't the exception to the rule since it happens a lot more than you want to believe. I've seen it before personally and it was obviously a lie. Female soldier accused an officer of rape, only problem was he was on a training exercise when she swore it happened. Procedure won and he was stripped of his duty. Rape will ALWAYS be bad, just like lying about rape will ALWAYS be bad for everyone. Less people will believe women when they come forward and the ones who lie ruin the other persons life, usually forever.

  13. Caroline says:
    Mon, 3rd Oct 201112:14 am 

    There is a huge conflict in our society (when it comes to rape) about who to believe and who to accuse: the alleged victim or perpetrator?

    I can understand why you (meg) would be so protective of your boyfriend and questioning of this girl who's pressing charges. It is a very serious accusation and can ruin someone's life whether they are innocent or guilty. But I am appalled that you feel the need to "inform us girls on the other side of this issue" and explain how, by telling a lie, you can mess up a guys entire life. Do you honestly think that any woman with an ounce of intelligence doesn't already know this? that the girls who lie about it just walk away without a "scratch"? I'm willing to bet they never hear the end of it, and jeopardize their future just as much as the man they are accusing.

    When I was a SOPHOMORE in HIGHSCHOOL (15 years-old), I was violently assaulted and raped by the popular, water polo all-star guy who had just transferred to our school. It was at a Halloween party that exceeded 300 people and I was very drunk (not to mention scantily dressed in my "Miss Strawberry Short-Cake" costume)…..

    …. can you see how the facts are already leaning against my case and towards the guys innocence?

    That night was the most painful and scarring night in my entire life. The cops found me (after breaking up the party) down the street, shaking behind a bush, unable to speak. I pressed charges but inevitably gave up due to the extreme financial pressure being put on my family, and even more than that, I knew where the case would end: he would win.

    Kids would come up to me at school and act sincere, asking me to tell them what happened, and would then turn around to compare with what their friends had been told, to see if I was lying. To my peers, I became the girl who, "cried rape because it was easier than people thinking I lost 'it' to a guy at a party, drunk off my ass". I guess I grew tired of constantly explaining myself, because I started believing his side of the story, too. I wouldn't admit it out loud but would find myself, time to time, questioning what only the perpetrator and I know about what went down that night.

    I'm telling you this because YOU should know that it is through drawing conclusions without listening to ALL of the facts that causes the most harm… Again, I understand where you are coming from and your reasons for siding with your boyfriend sound legitimate, but I'm just asking you to REALLY be rational. Because really being rational would entail resisting the impulse to draw conclusions about this girl based on the few instances of "girls crying rape for attention" you know of, and is, in the scheme of things, why our society finds itself in this big mess.

  14. Ella says:
    Fri, 14th Oct 20118:35 am 

    It is all well and good to say that women should take more responsibility with being aware of the situation they are in and trying to minimise the danger. However, statistics prove that you are far more likely to be raped by someone you know (and trust) and it is not only an event that occurs to women who have drunk too much and become unaware of their surroundings. Rape can happen to anyone, drunk or sober; at any time, from a friday night to an early tuesday morning; by anyone, from the scary stranger to your long term boyfriend. Rape will not become preventable until the perpertrators are a) better educated to respect women and know that rape is not tolerated, and b) society stops blaming the victim for getting herself into a dangerous situation.

  15. Anna says:
    Mon, 28th Jan 20131:44 pm 

    This is bullshit. Women she ne allowed to get as drunk as they want (just like men) and not get raped! We need to teach of men to not rape women! There is no gray area! Just don't rape someone!

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