Sexy Time: I Don’t Like To Masturbate

September 15, 2011 9:30 am     Posted in Reality, Sex  Jasmine R. g+ page

I’m pretty open-minded when it comes to sex. I like getting spanked. I’ve had anal. I love giving blowjobs. I’m into exhibitionism. I’ve done mild knife play and I’ve had my wrists restrained…but I hate masturbating. And I’ve tried. I’m actually pro-masturbation, in theory. I love the idea of getting to know your own body intimately, of taking your sexual pleasure in your own hands (literally). I love the idea of not having to rely on anyone else to get yourself off.


By Jasmine R.

I remember the very first time I masturbated. I was 15. I had the house to myself, and Britney’s In The Zone album had been out for a few months. She had a song dedicated to masturbation, and I thought it was so awesome and sexy, and I felt so empowered, and I made my first time an event. I was freshly showered. I laid in bed, put “Touch Of My Hand” on repeat. I took deep breaths, relaxed myself and started exploring. At first, I was excited about the foreign nature of what I was doing. I low-key hated my vagina for 4-5 days a month, and the rest of the time, I ignored it.

So it was an interesting experience to actively take pleasure in my body. This feeling of euphoria lasted for all of 2 minutes. Then I started getting bored. So I sped up the pace. And still, nothing. I didn’t feel anything, at all. It was almost like my vag had gone numb. I knew that I could be aroused – I had steamy fantasies about Adam Brody and whatever boy from school had attracted my attention that week. But self-love? Bo-ring.

When I got to college, I met some women who were pretty open about their sexual proclivities. And all of them mentioned how much they loved masturbating. I’ve even googled “female masturbation techniques” to incorporate new tricks into my bag, and still, it wasn’t that pleasurable. By the time I was 19, I had experience with being fingered by guys, and I knew that I didn’t need more than a hand to give me an orgasm. To this day, even though I absolutely adore sexual intercourse, nothing makes me come faster than a good old-fashion fingerbang.

I realized that masturbation was never going to be my cup of tea because part of what makes sex so great for me is the connection with another person. Letting someone else in, knowing that they are interested in getting me aroused…I find that beyond sexy. I love that look that all of my partners have had, that look when they’re totally focused on me and I can tell that they’re aroused by how titillated I am…that’s absolutely integral to my sexual gratification. I used to feel really uncomfortable about this. I thought I was almost…degrading myself, by, in a way, relinquishing my sexual agency to others. But at the end of the day, that is what I’m comfortable with, and knowing what I want and adhering to it is way less degrading than engaging in activity that I don’t even particularly enjoy just so I don’t feel left out.

22 Comments on "Sexy Time: I Don’t Like To Masturbate"

  1. Nikki says:
    Thu, 15th Sep 20115:28 pm 

    You aren't alone….I hate it to. It always takes waaaaayyy too long to get myself off and I usually lose interest and give up before it happens. I can go moths between even bothering to masturbate, which doesn't bother me because I'm in a relationship and we have a healthy sex life …but then again, it didn't bother me when I was single or during dry spells either.

  2. Hannah says:
    Thu, 15th Sep 20117:08 pm 

    I might as well have written this myself, because this is .exactly. how I feel. Nothing makes me come quicker than a hand, but when it's my own hand, I'm totally bored.

  3. Brie says:
    Thu, 15th Sep 201110:44 pm 

    Absolutely agree. It's so strange, but him fingering me has a completely different effect to me trying, even mid-intercourse: I don't do it for myself!

  4. 26 year old girl says:
    Fri, 16th Sep 20115:15 am 

    Am I the only one who finds it REALLY disturbing that a Britney Spears song would inspire you to masturbate? And at 15? That's pretty late. Maybe you started having sex early, I dunno. But I started masturbating at around 7 years old.. I even remember my little "tricks" so I could get away with it in public with people knowing (grinding). I've had a long, varied history with masturbation. But I've always been celibate. I guess it just seems sort of ass backward to me to have so much more experience with others than yourself. I've had lots of experience with foreplay and manual stimulation, but it came a lot later in life, and it's never made me come. I think you're missing out, personally.. get a Hitachi Magic Wand. Of course sticking your own finger in you is not gonna make you come.. that's how *guys* think girls get themselves off. lol

  5. ray says:
    Fri, 16th Sep 20112:08 pm 

    try it with your man watching you you will get the "I love that look that all of my partners have" felling and then some

  6. Katie says:
    Sat, 17th Sep 20117:59 pm 

    I used to be the same way…. Andddd then I bought a vibrator. Best decision ever. Now, I love masturbation.

  7. ... says:
    Sat, 17th Sep 20118:25 pm 

    how is it disturbing at all that the song inspired her, or that she started at 15? 15 is not late at all. to me, it's much weirder that you started at 7. i don't think i even knew about sex/pleasure at 7…

  8. female says:
    Sat, 17th Sep 20119:29 pm 

    I feel that, at least the beginning of your response, was actually a bit inappropriate. To find it disturbing is, in fact, quite shocking. Considering these articles are all about how different people work different ways. Music is most often a very powerful tool for many people. I myself always have some kind of music in the background. But what bothers me the most is that you had the audacity to tell her that she was late. I didn't start until I was almost 19. And even now, I completely agree with what this person had to say because I'm the same way. I admit to enjoying vibrators occassionally but the appeal for me is much less than sharing a sexual experience with a meaningful partner.

    15 is not late. Perhaps in others' eyes, you were in fact too early. A loss of childhood even. When I was that young I didn't even know what a vagina was. Boys had cooties and at 7 years old, I was playing outside, not playing with myself.

    But people are different. And it's about doing things when someone is ready to do them.

  9. Swingtastic Toys says:
    Fri, 23rd Sep 20111:14 am 

    And if you are looking for a vibrator, come talk to me. http://www.swingtastictoys.com

  10. Deb says:
    Thu, 29th Sep 20113:23 pm 

    THANK YOU! I was beginning to think that I was the only one who didn't like it. It isn't like I haven't tried, it just feels totally different (in a bad way) than when someone else does it to do. I enjoy sex, but find no need to masturbate. Probably because in addition to not liking it, I don't come.

  11. college gal says:
    Tue, 8th Nov 201112:54 am 

    While I agree that she shouldn't have been so judgey, it is not at all uncommon for young children to masturbate. They do not know exactly what it is that they're doing (ie associating it with sexuality and intercourse), but they do it for multiple reasons and it feels good. They can even start as young as infants. So it is in NO way "a loss of childhood".

    Take a look: http://med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/masturb.htm

  12. FeelingSame@50 says:
    Sat, 4th Feb 20121:34 pm 

    I'm 50 and NEVER liked the idea of masturbating alone. I mean ok with a man I'm turned on by because the experience of pleasing a man like that is more than exciting to me. I don't think about coming or anything like that. I always think about how it feels with him and how exciting it feels to see him excited too. That connection is more of what feels good than the sex alone, which yes if no connection to myself or the man, then it is more than just boooooring by far. I love a super hand bang too but most guys have no clue how to do that at all. They just rush up in there and thrust real fast which is a huge turn off. Guys need to care about a woman's anatomy there and want to make her feel good as much as he expects the same from women during a super sweet sucking blow job on him. There is always a super sensual caring way to do it if the man or woman really cares enough whether in love with the partner or not. It is just a human thing we should all want to give to another if sharing anything sexual with them is what I think. But back to masturbating myself – booooring and not interested at all – thank you. Love you article and thanks for letting me share. I hope I helped someone else out there in this crazy human world we live in.

  13. dildo nono says:
    Sun, 14th Apr 20134:26 pm 

    My own fingers gets me off in no time. I feel grossed out by unhygenic stuff in my vagina. My fingers are the greatest. If you experiment a little more, you would know. For masturbating for almost 20 years, it's weird you can't come only using your fingers. I mean.. a woman with that much experience.

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