If you didn’t watch the Emmys last night, well I don’t blame you. With the exception of The Lonely Island plus Michael Bolton and company, there wasn’t much happening. Sure there were some decent jokes, but where was the pizazz and energy? I spent more time laughing at Michael Vick for getting taken down by the Falcons than I did at Jane Lynch’s punchlines. We agreed that if we ran the Emmys, things would have been a lot more exciting. Here’s what would go down if CC was in charge…
1. Justin Timerlake hosting: JT on Saturday Night Live is the best thing since sliced bread. He wasn’t even in The Lonely Island performance! Yeah he won the Emmy for Guest Actor in a Comedy Series, but I was expecting him to at least be there. JT was no where to be found. I think Jane Lynch was good, though I’d rather her played the host role as Sue Sylvester instead. You hear that Emmy Academy? JT for 2012 host!
2. Charlie Sheen and Ashton Kutcher throw down: While the MaSheen kept it classy like San Diego, it would have been pretty awesome to see a fight between him and Ashton instead of Jimmy Fallon vs. Jimmy Kimmel. Charlie is trying to clean up his act, but a shirtless Michael Kelso fighting over tiger blood would have been much appreciated.
3. Modern Family wouldn’t have won every.single.thing: I love Modern Family, it’s hilarious. But it was one of those situations where you start to hate that movie that wins all of the Oscars. Same thing. I’m not saying they didn’t deserve their awards, but I wanted to see some other shows get credit where it’s due as well.
4. Kate Winslet would have kissed everyone: I don’t think anyone was shocked when Kate kissed Mildred Pierce costar, Guy Pearce, since she always kisses those in her vicinity. How awesome would it have been for her to go all Britney and Madonna and plant one on Claire Danes and Hugh Laurie?
5. Steve Carrell would have finally won: I can’t get over the fact that Steve Carrell didn’t win an Emmy after his final season on The Office. I’m really bitter about it. He’s been nominated every year, and the man is beyond deserving as I’m pretty sure he actually is Michael Scott in real life.
6. The Lonely Island would replace The Emmytunes: I can’t tell you how much I obsess over Zachary Levi and Colbie Smulders, but the Emmytunes were awkward and totes unnecessary. I really wasn’t sure of the purpose of that song group, but I know if The Lonely Island were singing during those weird moments in the show it would have actually been funny.
7. Entourage would have at least been nominated for something: Where was love for Vince, Drama, Turtle, E, and Ari? With it being the year of their last season, I expected one nomination. Sure, the boys will be back for the movie soon, but this was the end! I loved seeing them walk on stage in true Entourage fashion, though I would have rather them all been holding shiny gold trophies.
8. The Colbert Report would have upset The Daily Show: Do I watch both of these in place of real news? Absolutely. The Daily Show always wins, and if you couldn’t tell it was a running joke throughout the awards. How great would it have been if The Colbert Report actually took a win from The Daily Show? Beyond amazing.
9. There would have been more pageantry: One of my favorite parts of the night was when all of our favorite funny ladies mocked pageants and sauntered on stage, waiting for their crowning moment. Impromptu silliness like that is what separates the Emmys from other awards shows. The Emmys are supposed to be fun and outrageous, which is why that bit was so funny.
10. Christina Hendricks boobs would have been even bigger: Seriously girlfriend, you’re foxy. But I feel like you’re going to crumble under the weight of your ta-tas.