Lies We Tell Our Friends About The Guys Who Aren’t Into Them

September 28, 2011 1:00 pm     Posted in Advice, Relationships, Sidebar  Madeleine Coleman- Suffolk g+ page

The phone rings, you see it’s your best friend calling. Expecting a hilarious story about the drunken memory you two had forgotten from the night before, you answer ecstatically. But instead she’s crying—blubbering, over her boyfriend and you realize where this conversation is going. We’ve all been there, on the crying end or the comforting end. While both positions are awful, there is something especially dire about telling your best friend that he didn’t call you back because he clearly has Aspergers. Or likes other guys. With this burden in mind let’s review some of the classic “what I say and what I really mean” lines we all tell our best friends.


By Madeleine Coleman

“He’s just really, really busy right now!”

Why anyone believes us when we say these things is beyond me, but I guess we all just hear what we want to hear. When someone says that to you it obviously means that he doesn’t like you, he’s not calling you back and maybe you shouldn’t have introduced him to your parents three dates in.

“Maybe he just needs time to miss you.”

Um, no. He doesn’t. He is definitely having sex with a freshman right now, and you definitely need to do the same.

“I’m sure they’re just friends.”

If friends meant two individuals who have lots and lots of sex with each other, then yes, they’re the best of friends.

“You know a drunk mind speaks a sober heart.”

Actually, guys will say anything when they’re drunk. And you know what? I don’t blame them, because I do the same. I tell people I’m related to Sean Kingston after 3 shots; sue me. When it comes to your best friend being upset about a guy who liked her so much at a bar, and not so much the next morning…let’s be real here.

“They always come back in the long run.”

Just because it happened for Carrie Bradshaw, doesn’t mean it’s going for you or your best friend. I’m sorry to lay this hard truth down on you guys but it had to be done.

Next time one of your girl friends is crying over a guy, try something new and tell them the truth, gently. It’ll help them in the long run and honesty is always the best policy.

14 Comments on "Lies We Tell Our Friends About The Guys Who Aren’t Into Them"

  1. Steph says:
    Thu, 29th Sep 201111:01 am 

    Easier said than done. Every time i'm actually honest with a friend, she acts like I'm a horrible bitch.

  2. Elizabeth says:
    Fri, 30th Sep 201111:33 pm 

    pretty proud of myself because I've never said any of this crap to my friends.

  3. Amy says:
    Sun, 2nd Oct 20115:18 pm 

    Inappropriate reference to autism at the beginning of this article (Aspergers). Maybe I am just hypersensitive because my brother is has Aspergers. He is a fully-functioning, productive member of society though. It really isn't classy or politically correct to use the name of a condition like that as an insult, though. Try to bear that in mind?

  4. beatanoelle says:
    Wed, 5th Oct 20115:03 pm 

    Would never tell any of my friends these lies. It only comes back to hurt them in the long run, and who else but a friend givin' it to you straight could tell you "you're amazing" and "you're an idiot" in the same breath? At the same time, it's not like you can force your friends out of less-than-perfect relationships, and at a certain point, if they're going to keep shooting themselves in the foot, you have to give up and hand them back the gun.

  5. Aishia says:
    Thu, 6th Oct 20119:45 pm 

    Steph, same for me. I learned the hard way, people don't want to hear to the truth. They thank you for telling them false bullshit, but even dare to speak the truth, and they start acting like you did something to them. Maybe I'm not being gentle enough, but then again, suck it up!!! My thing is just to say nothing unless directly asked and then say as little as possible.

  6. Brittany - University of Saint Thomas says:
    Fri, 7th Oct 201111:29 am 

    Agreed with Steph, it's not your place in a relationship to blatantly tell your friend that a guy doesn't like her/him. You have to let HER figure it out for herself (or she will claim you as the bitch). Friends are always looking for your support–not a life lesson. So when she does figure out the truth be there to buy her Dairy Queen and tell her she was too good for him anyway.

  7. DurrangoG says:
    Mon, 10th Oct 201111:43 am 

    My policy is, I say something ONCE and it is the full, blatant truth. If they won't listen or do the "you're jealous" or "you're hating" routine, then I shut up and let them get hit by the train of pain they're inviting. Once I did this for someone getting married. She was upset at my response so I said I'd hold her hand through the wedding, marriage and subsequent divorce (she didn't think that was funny). Now, 6 years later, I am holding her hand as they get divorced. See?

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    Mon, 10th Oct 201112:30 pm 

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  9. gallagher0189 says:
    Wed, 12th Oct 20119:59 am 

    i wonder if you've actually done this…cuz it might not work. Just sayin.

  10. Andrew Merritt says:
    Sun, 23rd Oct 20114:20 pm 

    I have the b.s. title called aspergers and I thought it was funny.I call it b.s. title cause all it is is high functioning mild form of autism.When it comes to humour,nothing is sacred.All sacred cows most be sacerficed to the god of mirth,,,,

  11. Heartbroken! says:
    Wed, 18th Jul 20126:50 am 

    I have Aspergers, you bitch! You hurt my feelings!
    I am one of the few young ladies who have A.S…

    Some "neuro-typical" folks think that A.S. folks are callous and unfeeling, mean, and careless. That is only an assumption. We do care, we do love you, it's just that sometimes it's hard to express that…!

    In fact, by bluntly insulting my mental condition, you have BECOME the stereotype! YOU are the casual insulter! And, I am proud to announce that you have just LOST yourselves a READER! I hope you're happy, you cow!

    Shame on you!

    I'm very upset right now and my heart feels strange. Tears are beginning to shed. I'll go now to take some ice cream and some medicine. Goodbye!

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