Celebrating Banned Book Week With Erotic Classics!

Banned Book Week celebrates the importance of our right to intellectual freedom as well as our first amendment. Woo hoo!

By Kylie

But, while Banned Book Week encourages writers and readers alike to express themselves openly through their literary choices, maybe there should be a limit on certain things.

Our headquarters at CollegeCandy sometimes feels more like a landing strip for awkward, often naughty, packages than it does the HQ of a popular college blog.

In our mailbox this week? Pride & Prejudice, written by Mitzi Szereto.

You can imagine my surprise when I walked in and sat down this morning thinking that someone gave me a copy of one of my favorite reads. Err, wrong! This time it’s Pride & Prejudice Hidden Lusts. Szereto has replaced modesty in all my favorite characters with porno-pumping desire.

So, in honor of Banned Book Week, I’d like to share just a few excerpts from this adapted read that exemplify why our intellectual freedom and first amendment rights should only take us so far in the literary world:

From page 53, “A lively and sociable young woman, she had no trouble keeping them all amused, often taking them three at a time, since she saw no point in possessing three openings if they could not all be applied to at once. Wearing only her short stays, she took to the bed with a trio of gentlemen, one lying beneath her, another on top, and still another positioned at her face, their eager members conveniently located within their opening of choice.”

Oh, Lydia, it seems you like to be on the receiving end rather than the giving. How sweet.

“The boy cast a glance over his shoulder, indicating that Mr. Collins should follow him upstairs, where they quickly availed themselves of a storage closet… As he felt the boy’s flesh begin to twitch against his tongue, he drew hard upon it, his lips eliciting from it the first release, which arrived swiftly… he did not find the resulting rush of liquid into his mouth at all disagreeable,” from page 61.

And if that wasn’t idea enough of what this literature is talking about, lets go on, shall we?

“Mr. Bennet had been so fortunate as to locate a very fine butternut squash, which he had hollowed out with a knife while still leaving the skin and much of the pulpy interior intact. This he used in placed of his hand… his manhood engaged itself most agreeably with the interior of the fruit, imagining it to be the interior of the young lady on whose pleasing form he gazed,” from page 69. (Ha ha, figures.)

“With one final movement, he lodged himself inside her as deeply as he could go, condemning her with an epithet of such coarseness that she cried out with delight. Wickham’s pleasure erupted from him, and it was joined in equal measure by Lydia, who squealed so loudly that a flock of birds in a nearby tree took flight,” from page 118.

What a lady, what an O, right?

“Grasping hold of the generous cheeks of her backside, Mr. Bennet propelled his loins forward one last time, nearly shouting with glee when he felt his liquids surging up from his testes and though the length of his manhood, directly into Hill… Neither party would even be given sufficient time to catch a breath before Mr. Bennet was turning the housekeeper around and attending to her other opening,” from page 230.

So, what do you think? Sounds compelling, huh? 777 people think so on Facebook.