Single Girl Society – Get Over Guilt

By Anjli

Lesson #41 – Get Over Guilt

Not a day goes by that there isn’t something that triggers a pang of guilt in my life. If it’s not my mother telling me to eat more because there are starving children in India (true, but I don’t see you wrapping up the leftovers and sending it to them), then it’s my accounting textbook staring me down, practically scolding me for having yet to crack it open for my test that week. There’s just something about being a girl that makes us unreasonably prone to feeling guilty at any point.

As one of the only single girls in my group of friends, I constantly feel this guilt to go on blind dates that my friends set up for me as they do their best to sell each guy with disclaimers like, “I don’t know him that well, but I know he’s perfect for you.” Well, as promising as that sounds, I’ve taken enough shots in the dark to know they are usually wrong about these guys and yet I cant find it in myself to say no without feeling a world of guilt.

Guilt is one of the easiest routes to getting trapped in a life where you’re living for everyone but yourself, which makes absolutely no sense when you’re single. As girls, we often forget that there is a line to be drawn between being polite and giving into guilt. Girls are so quick to agree to something they may not want to do simply because they don’t want to make another person feel bad or come off as rude. Case in point, agreeing to being set up with a guy even though the thought of an awkward first date makes you want to hurl.

Being single is not a burden on anyone, but more importantly, it’s not a burden on you. You’re entitled to live your life they way you want if you’re not hurting anyone else. Don’t punish yourself by wasting good makeup and hair products on a date you didn’t want to go on because you think it will make another person happy. Guilt makes it hard to put your happiness first because you’re too consumed about how your actions will be reflected in the minds of others.

A rule of thumb for guilt is to be polite, but do not be submissive. It’s not your job to please everyone, you’ve got enough going on in your life to take on the tasks of others, whether they have good intentions for you or not. There’s no reason to feel bad for wanting to spend your next Friday evening glued to your couch, thoroughly enthralled in a Millionaire Matchmaker marathon in your favorite (non-sexy) pajamas, instead of pretending to be interested in the stories of a guy you didn’t even choose for yourself.

Get over the guilt and take your life back from the people who, despite their good intentions, have hijacked it. “No” is not nearly as personal as we tend to assume it is. The next time your best friend swears she has the perfect guy for you, but you have no desire to actually verify that, politely decline, thank her for keeping you in mind and simply say, “no.” After all, there’s no rule that says as a single girl you have to go on every date that your friends toss your way.

Got it? Feel empowered? Good. Now get the first 40 rules of the Single Girl Society