One of my friends in an LDR with her boyfriend while he’s studying abroad. Naturally, they’ve had to turn to technology to keep their connection strong. Last week, he asked her why she hadn’t sent him any scandalous photos yet. When she told me about this, I asked if he had sent her any yet, and she said no. I couldn’t have been less surprised.

Our society places the burden of “performing” sexiness on women.  There are endless products designed to enhance our aesthetic and make us more alluring – from cosmetics to fashion to the most popular ladies magazines, we are constantly bombarded with messages and images that emphasize the significance of being sexy. This, of course, influences our intimate relationships (in a heterosexual context), because men are also exposed to the idea that women should make being attractive to men a top priority.  I think, either consciously or subconsciously, they expect us to always put in effort to be sexy, that we should be the ones to be super flirty, dress in ways that are pleasing to the male gaze and be the ones who spice up the relationship. I know that men are also under pressure to conform to society’s ideas of masculinity, that they are under pressure to achieve certain body types, exhibit certain personality traits and generally be considered sexually attractive. But, the pressure seems to be a lot less  and men definitely have more freedom to be unconventional. Read More »

3D movies are all the rage right now. While they’ve been around for a while, Avatar took the 3D experience to the next level and now almost every movie is in 3D. Harry Potter, Twilight, Pirates of the Caribbean, Cars 2…they all took the silver screen in the third dimension, along with many other films. I like 3D, but sometimes it can make my head hurt and my eyes go all wacky. I don’t personally enjoy seeing movies with real actors and actresses in that fashion, but give me an animated cartoon and I’m all over that.

Disney took The Lion King out of the vault and re-released it in theaters in 3D, which I’m going to see this Friday! Everyone I know that’s seen it has said it rocked their childhood world. I’m beyond excited, and there are some other childhood favorites that I’d love to watch in 3D as well:

1. Beauty and the Beast: The best part of this would be the “Be Our Guest” sequence. All of those plates, mugs and utensils flying everywhere. Anytime the wardrobe opened, something would pop out at you. You would feel like you’re having a snowball fight with Belle and Beast, an Read More »

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The Queen’s second job

Dear Dude,

Let me start my story a year and a bit ago. I was away for a summer, and I hooked up with a guy the last night of my trip. We were drunk, and I didn’t think much of it then, because, well, we were drunk. The thing is, the whole time I was on the trip, I had a huge crush on him. Because he was super cool. Like SUPER cool. Like, if I could design a perfect boyfriend, it would be him.

Anyway, I went home, normal life resumed, that was the end of that. He lives on the other side of the country, so it’s not like I was worried about running into him or anything. I tried to contact him once out of curiosity to see how he was doing (after all I stayed in contact with everyone else from the trip), but he never replied. Clearly, he was happy with it being an overseas-one-night-stand.

Fast forward to a little over six months ago, and I met a guy (Let’s call him R) who is really sweet and cute and funny, and we started dating. We’re exclusive, but it’s not exactly the most serious relationship, partly because I won’t let it be. I mean, he’s a great guy, and I really like him. BUT. In my head, this stupid little part of me keeps going “He’s not perfect for you. He’s not overseas guy!”

Now, I’m not madly in love with overseas guy or anything (no crazy fb stalking, promise!). I just have traces of lingering feelings, and every once in a while I get caught in a moment of wistful ‘what if’. That’s all; nothing more, nothing less.

Even so, the reason I’m iffy about R isn’t because R is a sub-par boyfriend. It’s because I’ve found myself thinking (not very often, but it has dawned on me once or twice), R isn’t overseas guy. WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY BRAIN, DUDE. I haven’t seen/heard from overseas guy in a year, and I’m using him as a yardstick for all future relationships! And lets set something straight: Overseas guy was not my first. Hell, he wasn’t even my first one-night stand! And I have NEVER had a problem with casual hook ups before. Usually, I’m a fan of them. So it’s ridiculous for me to be thinking about a guy a year after a drunken night AT ALL, right?

(Oh right, the question… I’m getting there, promise)

My question is this. I kind of feel like a horrible person for being in this relationship with poor R, when I’m still thinking about overseas guy. I know that if the circumstances presented themselves, and all things were equal (i.e., if both of them were strangers in a bar) I’d definitely choose overseas guy over R. Am I leading R on for nothing? Should I break up with him because I’m still not completely over someone else?

I like R, I really do. But I feel badly about comparing him to someone else.

Help?

Thanks,
Minister of Foreign Affairs

Dear Minister of Foreign Affairs,

“What ifs” are the deadliest and one of the most common affliction to present relationships. EVERYONE, and I mean everyone, has “what if” feelings about at least one phantom from their pasts. It’s just the way human beings work. We think about “what ifs” in regards to correcting mistakes we made, or erasing regrets and even as just nagging bits of neuroses reminding us of the issues we’ll never get rid of no matter how much therapy we pay for! Breather. Hold on. Yes, good…and then there are the “what ifs” that keep us hopeful. The question we need to identify is: what type is yours?

Clearly, overseas guy left a humungous impression on your psyche. Whether you like it or not, and there’s no point or reason to judge this, you’re using overseas guy as a measuring stick for all future relationships. And hey, don’t we all use the best and worst experiences as measuring sticks?

Comparison is a circumstance of living that we all live in. Whether its boys or shoes or Doctor Who episodes, everybody does it and is going to do it. So save yourself a trip to Guiltville for acting like a human being.

Should you break up with someone because he doesn’t match up? Depends. If you feel like you’re leading R on then, yeah, you should probably end things. Because you probably are. Damn if you’re not about to start going down a slippery slope, though!

See, you’re about to set a possibly dangerous precedent. You can’t save yourself for an idea of a man. You also can’t let the idea of a man become a crutch that you use to justify closing yourself off to every guy you go out with. You can compare overseas guy to everyone else, but you can’t let this memory dictate your entire dating life.

This particular instance it seems like you’re kind of indifferent to the relationship you’re in. You don’t not like R but you’re not exactly wowed by him either. Overseas guy is a convenient way of getting yourself out of this spot. And that might be okay as a one time deal but, again, be careful!

What happens overseas stays overseas. Keep the memory but don’t let it become baggage. We can have all the “what ifs” we want but we can’t let them poison the “what’s happening.”

Good day, Minister.

Sincerely,

The Duke of Dudedom

So, yeah, the cat’s a bit out of the bag in that you now know this Dude is Jewish. It’s been mulled over at CollegeCandy.com that my identity will slowly be revealed over the course of the next eight seasons. This overarching yet underlying storyline throughout all Dude posts will be entitled: “How I Met The Dude.” And yes, when we option it for film rights we’ll get Neil Patrick Harris to play me. After all, he plays one hell of a straight man (yeah, that’s right, it’s a multi-layered joke. Self high five!).

Note to readers: The above paragraph has not been approved by CC staff and at no time is The Dude’s identity going to ever be revealed in any way *wink wink*

Rosh Hashana is the beginning of the New Year according to the Jewish calendar. That’s right, Jews have their own calendar. Because we’re more than 3,000 years older as a civilization than Christians. Y’all came along and created your own calendar and stamped your own 1 AD on it. So, while it’s the year 2011 for you, the chosen folks are starting year 5772. Rosh Hashana is also the start of the High Holidays for practitioners of the Jewish faith that culminates with the most sacred day of the year, Yom Kippur (that day all of you goys get a day off from classes for but can’t pronounce). Yom Kippur is known as the Day of Atonement. For the entire last month of the Jewish calendar leading up to Rosh Hashana you’re required to begin mulling over all the crap you’ve done in the past year that you should feel the need to atone for. It’s like baking a lasagna comprised of 12 different kinds of guilt. (Editor’s note: that sounds awfully Catholic to us…)

Now, I’m not from an Orthodox family. Mildly conservative might be stretching it even. With each successive generation the devotion to practicing every ritual and attending services every Saturday has diminished. Maybe it’s a sign of the times, maybe we’re just bad Jews, and maybe both. I don’t know. This is just how it is with my family history. But when it comes to the High Holidays, we get our yarmulkes on our heads and our talit on our shoulders. We dig deep and we dig into the spirit of the holiday: getting together with a lot of relatives, eating a lot of food, partaking of the holy sacrament and gossiping!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, my family’s nothing but gossip-mongers. I admit it freely. If there’s a secret, there isn’t.

Now my favorite Rosh Hashana story deals with my sophomore year of college in ____. Not a great time for my family. My sister’s father wasn’t on speaking terms with my sister but he’s best friends with my Pop Pop, so he was invited. My brother in-law’s mother had some kind of a thing between my sister and her husband, my parents were dealing with fallout over my grandpa’s declining health — basically half of the room was pissed at the other half. If it were to be properly written, one would describe the atmosphere as: “a room wrought with tension.” (If I give off the impression that my family tree has many boughs, it’s because we do. Our family motto is: “Cats only get nine lives but you can have as many divorces as you want!”

Coming home from ______, I’d had full privy to all the skinny. Like I said, my family likes to talk about each other behind their backs (and really, what family doesn’t, right?). Now, granted, I was a little worse for wear when I entered the festivities that my parents had “volunteered” to throw. After all, I was back in ______ and had reconnected with some of my high school pals. Hey, being hungover to a family gathering isn’t really a sin (right?). Or at least not a rarity so *shrugs shoulders.* My headache was expecting the worse: tantrums, battery and possibly an awkward physical exchange (I’d use the term “fight” except I don’t think anyone in my family has purposefully made contact with another human being with the intent to injure).

As I watched and waited for the powder keg to erupt I…kept waiting…and waiting…and then I noticed something: no one was yelling at each other (more than usual). Everyone who wasn’t on speaking terms was actually conversing. Those who’d sworn revenge against each other were telling old stories and laughing. LAUGHING! And that’s when it hit me. What was remarkable about my family, and I think is indicative of a lot of Jewish families, hopefully yours too, was that we found a way to cherish one another despite all the bull*hit going on.

When it comes to family there’ll always be major disagreements and shameful acts (we’ve had dognappers, embezzlers, mafia ties, murder rumors and girlfriend beaters). But no matter the personal grudge, no matter the fact that tomorrow the blood feud will be as fiery as yesterday, on this day of celebration, we unite and love each other. For better or worse. We embrace denial and revel in nostalgia. That’s my favorite Rosh Hashana story: Discovering how insurmountable our power to love each other is. I’ll never forget it. Because we’re family. We have to try. At least try. As long as we put in the effort, there’s a spark of encouragement that everything can be atoned for.

A new year brings hope for reconciliation. A new year brings hope for new love. There’s a new chance to make amends with others and with ourselves. May this New Year bring you more blessings than curses.

Shana Tova,

The Dude

What It Is:

SUPER by Nicholas Perricone 3-Minute Facial with Ginger

Why This Should Be in Your Bag:

Skincare is one thing that I find college gals often overlook. I’ll admit it — it’s much more fun to buy colorful makeup than boring, smelly soaps and serums. However, without a proper skincare regimen, your face and skin will never look its best!

Dr. Nicholas Perricone is known for high-powered skincare. His newest line, SUPER, harnesses the power of nature’s superfoods to help your skin be its best (and features adorable packaging). I decided to try out the 3-Minute Facial with Ginger as I’m a sucker for a good mask. Read More »

11 Things You Should Never Say To A Single

Forget summer loving, Fall is the season for romance. 

Find out if you’re dating a man or a boy!

Sneaky spots for hooking up. 

Why guys slobber all over you.

6 Foods To Get You In The Mood: some unexpected snacks are in there!

Samantha Jones was right all along….

The first indication that I am my mother happened when I was a freshman in college. I bought a bottle of instant Lysol wipes and casually cleaned by little dorm room every Sunday (my mom never goes a day without creating vacuum streaks on our family room carpet). The second indication was that I secretly began to think people weren’t sincere if they weren’t on time (my mom doesn’t rely on people who are consistently late — she’s always told me it’s a terrible shot to their character). The third indication was when I found myself in my mother’s closet, seriously considering borrowing at least half an outfit for a night out. Yep, she has impeccable style. Mom…are you reading this??

But I will tell you: this mother admiration has turned into a mimic act. I am turning into my mother.

I love my mom and I don’t have a problem being just like her.  She’s very wise, has a great taste in music and keeps that fine rhythm between being totally cool with my friends but totally being a mom. Throughout college, I definitely began to appreciate her for advice and cool stories about driving to Fort Myers with my dad “back in the day” (1980s) in his black Chevelle on an ambitious whim. Basically, I’ve always known I want to be like her but I never thought I would be her.

I’ve always been very close with my mom. And I’ve always had outside ambitions that I’ve wanted to be just like her. But in college, it was always a sort of a abstract vision of mine to take after her — not necessarily a conscious action. I always thought; I want to be just like her. . . sweet and cultured. Kind and endearing. I want to be an emotional dictionary, where I can quickly define what anyone is feeling at any given moment and give them the remedy to conquer whatever that may be. But we all wait for it. We sit in this little dark room of ourselves and wait patiently for that one liner…that interesting habit…that universal and key moment to turn into our mothers. Read More »

The phone rings, you see it’s your best friend calling. Expecting a hilarious story about the drunken memory you two had forgotten from the night before, you answer ecstatically. But instead she’s crying—blubbering, over her boyfriend and you realize where this conversation is going. We’ve all been there, on the crying end or the comforting end. While both positions are awful, there is something especially dire about telling your best friend that he didn’t call you back because he clearly has Aspergers. Or likes other guys. With this burden in mind let’s review some of the classic “what I say and what I really mean” lines we all tell our best friends.

“He’s just really, really busy right now!”

Why anyone believes us when we say these things is beyond me, but I guess we all just hear what we want to hear. When someone says that to you it obviously means that he doesn’t like you, he’s not calling you back and maybe you shouldn’t have introduced him to your parents three dates in.

Read More »

In the Greatest Debate of our Time — Team LC vs. Team Kristin –  I was very firmly Team LC. I found Kristin to be beyond obnoxious — so brash, dramatic, tacky, and over-the-top. LC was someone I actually wanted to know; Kristin reminded me of too many girls I did know. Because LC was so low-key and chill, she didn’t make for terribly exciting TV, so everyone called Kristin the “breakout star” of Laguna Beach…and we see how that turned out. LC is a New York Times bestselling author and has a successful clothing line…and Kristin is on Dancing With The Stars (ABC’s definition of “star” is getting looser and looser, isn’t it?). That said, there must be something in the DWTS water because lately Kristin has been spotted looking pretty gorge and sexy. (Still Team LC all the way though.)