Sexy Time: A Semi-Celibate Life

Up until very recently, I was living with a seriously awful roommate. She was your typical passive aggressive person who refused to communicate and would let issues fester and fester until she would explode in a fit of pure crazy. One point of contention was my boyfriend. Roomie and I shared a big house, but boyfriend and I always kept to ourselves in my room. Of course, since boy and I are both pretty vivacious, we had sex regularly. We were pretty considerate, since the acoustics carried. We’d generally try to avoid doing anything when we knew she was home, or we’d blast the TV or our music, but she still couldn’t deal. (Going to the boy’s place wasn’t an option most of the time because his living situation was even more oppressive than mine.)

So, in an effort to be a decent roommate, I stopped having sex with my boyfriend, regularly, for almost six months. It wasn’t a total sex desert  — we went on a couple of trips during this time (hotel sex is amazeballs), and sometimes he’d go house-sit for his parents when they were out of town and I’d tag along. But, for the most part, my vag was closed for business.

At first, it was miserable. I was resentful and annoyed at my roommate, and frustrated that I couldn’t ravage my boyfriend any time I wanted — like, hello, isn’t that one of the perks of a relationship? But after a bit, I started to enjoy it. Sex can be stressful, especially as someone who is hypercritical, hypersensitive and obsessed with analyzing. I was always worried about my performance, about the way my body looked to him and, of course, the slight possibility of pregnancy or STDs lingered in the back of my head. Sex can also be too consuming — for me, between having it, thinking about it, reading about it and writing about it, sex was almost becoming a mundane chore. Though I do love sex and all the pleasure it brings, it also felt great to feel like my body was purely mine again. There is something about being naked in front of someone else all the time that starts to take a little bit of a toll on my autonomy. I went from going to the gym so I’m attractive for my boyfriend to going to the gym because I really love feeling strong and fit.  I went from looking at my body from a perspective of “How can I use this to please my boyfriend?” to “How can I take care of my body to the best of my ability?”  I am independent by nature, but sometimes I start to lose myself when I’m trying to connect to others.

The best part of my forced celibacy was that my relationship did not suffer at all. We remained just as close as we were when we were boning on the regular, we still did intimate things, and he still called me sexy and hot. Some people perceive “dry spells” as being the end of the world, and I’m pretty sure some people would think that a forced sex hiatus would be the ultimate death knell for a couple, but that was far from the case. It was a great opportunity to get reacquainted with myself (what can I say, I’m a bit selfish sometimes) and relieve myself of a little mental stress.

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  1. Lora says:

    You couldn't sneak in quickies when she was at class?

    1. Jasmine - Northern Arizona University says:

      I don't go home during the day!

  2. Freya says:

    Yeah I know it wasn't exactly the point of the article but how can your roommate ban you from having sex in your own room (assuming you didn't share)

    1. Freya says:

      P.S. Nice article

    2. Rachel says:

      Sounds like the author chose to forgo sex to prevent more tension with an already terrible/psychotic roommate.

  3. Kylie - Vermont says:

    There are so many aspects that I agree with! I love the fact that you took back "control" of your body and started making choices that impacted you, first and foremost. I'm the type to put others needs in front of my own (especially my boyfriend's) and it's refreshing to feel to know that sex all day every day isn't the only option. Love sex but love me more! ;)

  4. Jasper says:

    Cutting back on sex to make individual acts more significant and and intense, and reignite the flirtation between yourselves would seem logical. To cut off sex nearly completely because some bitch roommate can't handle someone else in the household getting it on while shes dry seems completely unacceptable. In my own experience people who complain about roommates having sex are generally only the ones who are jealous because the aren't getting any, once they have a partner complaints go out the door.

    Buy her a set of earbuds.
    Find her a date.
    or… Invite her in on the action.

  5. Jamilah says:

    I personally have issues with boinking while other people are home. It's so stressful trying to stay quiet, and it usually makes the sex less awesome. I can't say that I have a problem with roomies doing it while I'm home though, as long as I don't have to hear the bed hitting the wall or anyone screaming like a banshee we're cool.

  6. […] • Living a semi celibate life. (College Candy) […]

  7. Maura - Rider University says:

    I know what you mean, it is nice to NOT have to worry about sex. Also, when you don't have it often, it makes the times when you do have it really special and excting.

  8. rox says:

    That sounds awful. I'm sorry. Not everyone has the same sex drive. I'm not trying to sound insulting, but I literally cannot imagine how you came to that conclusion.
    You can be very creative when it comes to location if you want to be.

  9. iagideas says:

    I have just the tool for you. I just release a new intimacy tracking iPhone app. It will help you keep track of how often & when & what you did in Dating & Bed (and alone too). you should check it out. My Love Life (is the name)

  10. clsummers says:

    Celibacy is about more than just not having sex. It's about learning who are and what you really want out of life. I too believe in being celibate and have created a website and book dedicated to called The Kama Sutra of Celibacy: 101 Ways to be Successfully Celibate. The Kama Sutra of Celibacy is designed to help singles live a successful life of celibacy through practical exercises that addresses the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical aspects of celibacy while providing guidance, encouragement and support. Check us out at

  11. […] always had a pretty strong libido. But I had a less than stellar summer – between my quasi-forced celibacy, feverishly searching for a new place to live, my soul-crushing job, and an utterly disgusting […]

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