|Updated:

When Sex Gets Scary

Everybody loves a good lay, and if you’re one of the lucky ones: a daily lay.  There is no better feeling than the mind-blowing ecstasy found in the heat of the moment. The ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’, followed closely by ‘more’ and ‘yes!’ The quick change of positions, the satisfaction on your partner’s face, the satisfaction of your own soaking body, the smell of the room after you’re finished…ah, sex. It’s the perfect way to begin, end and improve your day.

Just thinking about it gives me goose bumps. Actually, I’m thinking about taking a sick day….

Okay, so I love a lot about sex. I know you get the point. But there are a few things about sex that just don’t tickle my fancy (which is seriously saying something). Call me crazy and old-fashioned but I’m not one for scary, horrifying sex; things like farting while having sex (trust me, it happens more often than you think), or coming-to mid black-out and asking where you are…those are minor issues. Oh, there is no greater stain on the foundation of sex than these…

1. Bondage

If I’m offending you with this one, I’m sorry, but I’ve got to put it out there: this stuff is CREEPY. Maybe I’m biased but, pleather skin-tight masks and whips are way too Batman Forever for me. I’ve tried that stuff on and it is not breathable. I’m a sweaty girl, and when I’m getting my freak on I’d prefer not to pass about from heat stroke. Sex is supposed to be fun and satisfying, not the torture scene of Saw 4.

2. Morning-After Shame

There is nothing scarier about sex than to wake up in the morning and have no clue who you’re laying next to. I did this once on Halloween. I was too drunk and ready to embrace my overly impulsive self. Plus I was dressed as Harry Potter so really, how could I go wrong? Well… I went wrong. Very, very wrong.  So wrong that at 7am I hid in the bathroom until my one-night stand got the hint and took off. But not before I watched him do the walk of shame still wearing his costume from the night before. So long, Luigi!

3. Role Play

I don’t mean your standard naughty school girl or French maid role play. I’m talking role play gone wrong. You want an idea of just how wrong? Imagine dressing up to please your partner wearing a Sexy Smurf get-up, or a Bad-Ass Butcher costume to eat some of your partner’s meat! Please excuse me while I puke up my breakfast.

4. Weird Fetishes

So far, I’ve managed to escape the weirdos with the equally weird fetishes (maybe I’m just not hanging out at the right bars?). I just can’t imagine how fast I’d go running in the other direction if I was about to sleep with someone who loved to smear butter across my belly or please me with a carrot stick. Oh no boys, not me, not now. Let’s be honest: not ever.

5. Mind-blowing Sex

Remember how I said at the beginning of this article that I love a good lay? Where passion and satisfaction come together and erupt in one amazing, phenomenal, mind-blowing experience? Well, imagine what happens when sex literally blows your mind…

Related TopicsGuys Love Sex
  • You Might Like