When Sex Gets Scary

Everybody loves a good lay, and if you’re one of the lucky ones: a daily lay.  There is no better feeling than the mind-blowing ecstasy found in the heat of the moment. The ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’, followed closely by ‘more’ and ‘yes!’ The quick change of positions, the satisfaction on your partner’s face, the satisfaction of your own soaking body, the smell of the room after you’re finished…ah, sex. It’s the perfect way to begin, end and improve your day.

Just thinking about it gives me goose bumps. Actually, I’m thinking about taking a sick day….

Okay, so I love a lot about sex. I know you get the point. But there are a few things about sex that just don’t tickle my fancy (which is seriously saying something). Call me crazy and old-fashioned but I’m not one for scary, horrifying sex; things like farting while having sex (trust me, it happens more often than you think), or coming-to mid black-out and asking where you are…those are minor issues. Oh, there is no greater stain on the foundation of sex than these…

1. Bondage

If I’m offending you with this one, I’m sorry, but I’ve got to put it out there: this stuff is CREEPY. Maybe I’m biased but, pleather skin-tight masks and whips are way too Batman Forever for me. I’ve tried that stuff on and it is not breathable. I’m a sweaty girl, and when I’m getting my freak on I’d prefer not to pass about from heat stroke. Sex is supposed to be fun and satisfying, not the torture scene of Saw 4.

2. Morning-After Shame

There is nothing scarier about sex than to wake up in the morning and have no clue who you’re laying next to. I did this once on Halloween. I was too drunk and ready to embrace my overly impulsive self. Plus I was dressed as Harry Potter so really, how could I go wrong? Well… I went wrong. Very, very wrong.  So wrong that at 7am I hid in the bathroom until my one-night stand got the hint and took off. But not before I watched him do the walk of shame still wearing his costume from the night before. So long, Luigi!

3. Role Play

I don’t mean your standard naughty school girl or French maid role play. I’m talking role play gone wrong. You want an idea of just how wrong? Imagine dressing up to please your partner wearing a Sexy Smurf get-up, or a Bad-Ass Butcher costume to eat some of your partner’s meat! Please excuse me while I puke up my breakfast.

4. Weird Fetishes

So far, I’ve managed to escape the weirdos with the equally weird fetishes (maybe I’m just not hanging out at the right bars?). I just can’t imagine how fast I’d go running in the other direction if I was about to sleep with someone who loved to smear butter across my belly or please me with a carrot stick. Oh no boys, not me, not now. Let’s be honest: not ever.

5. Mind-blowing Sex

Remember how I said at the beginning of this article that I love a good lay? Where passion and satisfaction come together and erupt in one amazing, phenomenal, mind-blowing experience? Well, imagine what happens when sex literally blows your mind…

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  1. has some other pretty scary stuff (some of the things in the Kama Sutra turned out to be DEADLY!), but this list is great.

    (Especially the part about the Smurfs! I don't get some of the more out-there things that I've heard of)

    1. Kylie - Vermont says:

      Just checked out that website! SO OUTRAGEOUS!

  2. Sien says:

    … You are jumping to conclusion on almost everypoint… I mean you talk about all the points on the basis of their more disturbing way as if it was their more normal way…

    when in an average bedroom:
    Bondage is normally soft (only loose ties)
    morning after shame is…. well you're right on that one!
    role play… well I mean if someone ask you to wear a smurf suit…. you better put this experience in fetishes… Oh and by the way, I'm sick of everyone pretending that putting on a little school girl outfit and saying "I need extra lessons" is doing rp…
    The average fetishes would be more like "feet massages"
    Well you hit the point with the last, lol

  3. Miriam says:

    This is so judgmental that I don't even know what to say about it. I don't understand for the life of me why you'd dedicate an entire article to shaming other people's sexual behavior (which it doesn't sound like you even understand, by the way). If you don't like it or don't feel comfortable with it, don't do it. End of story.

    1. Kylie - Vermont says:

      I'm not at all saying these types of sexual behaviors should be shamed. In fact, I'm just saying they are things I'm not into. While everyone might have a different list of things that make them go boo! in the night, I'm just talking about the sexual antics that I wouldn't want to partake in. But I appreciate your feedback.

  4. Christie says:

    wow, way to be judgmental. Women in college already are so heavily scrutinized for expressing their sexuality and they have to come here and get it from you too? consenting adults are free to do whatever they're comfortable with behind closed doors. Who are you to tell them otherwise? Human sexuality is not defined by you. How would YOU feel if your sexual behavior was scrutinized. I thought this was going to be an article about promoting sexual well-being. I instead got a poorly written article that smacks of shaming and judgment.

  5. lol wow!! haha. tooo much!
    some ppl just go over board sometimes. whatever rocks their boat i guess…or the chair they're tied up

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