He Said/She Said: What His Halloween Costume Says About Him

‚ By 

The most anticipated holiday of our college career is upon us! Halloween is not only a night of drunken debauchery, but an evening filled with slutty costumes, animal ears and creepy guys with fake mustaches. So before you get out there and take one too many shots, inevitably resulting in an evening of bad (but oh-so-hilarious the next morning when you’re debriefing with your girlfriends) choices, read on to find out just what you’re getting yourself into.

So what does his Halloween costume say about him? Allow me…

Pimp: It was cute in middle school when the boy all the girls liked walked into school with a cane and a giant purple hat, but a 21-year-old is not as endearing as a 12-year-old in a pimp costume. A college guy in a pimp outfit means that he’s desperately hoping for multiple hookups and the only way he might achieve that is by putting on an over-sized neon suit and playing the part. Either that or he just wants to hit people with his cane on the dance floor. (I dig it if it’s the latter).

Top Gun: Sweet baby Jesus this Halloween costume always gets me! For one, was Top Gun not just a classic, sexy movie? Two, a guy in aviators is a definite win. And three, though I’m fully aware the dude is sweating profusely under that jumpsuit, I’m still drawn to that onesie backside. A guy dressed as Maverick means he’s confident, an 80s fan and down for a good time. And remember, if he doesn’t have the crew-cut, he’s a keeper.

Dude in bear suit: There’s always that token guy at the party who came dressed in a bear suit. Though he may not be as steamy as Mr. Top Gun over there, he definitely has my attention. And by my attention, I really mean that I’m going to push my wasted friend onto him so that I can enjoy the sight of a skanky vampire grinding with Winnie-The-Pooh. Oh the joys of alcohol! The guy in a bear suit is the jokester of the party and it’s safe to say he likes to laugh at himself and reap the attention those big-ass bear paws are getting him.

Pro-sports player: An obvious sports fan, the pro-sports player is an easy way to go. It’s a safe costume around other dudes and what girl doesn’t love an attractive guy in a sports uniform? And let’s be real, if he’s a basketball player we get to see his biceps, if he’s a football player we get to see his ass and if he’s a baseball player we get to steal his hat on the dance floor and make him work to get it back (foolproof trick, my friends). A dude in a sports getup tells us he’s a definite guys-guy who knows how to play the ladies.

Super hero: Not only will the super hero save you from the creepy pimp trying to take advantage of your drunk ass in the corner, but he’ll be incredibly mysterious while doing so. But don’t be fooled by those plastic abs and that face mask, the super hero is a closet nerd with a love for comics and probably physics. By the way, if you see a super hero it’s always appropriate to give him a good ‘ol butt-squeeze. After all, why else would he wear such a tight costume? The Halloween super hero may not be asking for an upside-down kiss in the rain (then again, maybe after a few drinks he’ll be game), but he’s definitely down to show some moves on the dance floor before he books it home to study.

The bottom line is that guys’ costumes generally work like girl’s costumes: you can either go slutty or funny. But if the dude can achieve both, go ahead and stick by him for the night.

Wanna get his take on the Halloween costume controversy? Head over to COED Magazine and see what He Said. ($10 says they loooove the classic slutty bumble bee!)

Comments